I Thought That Might Attract Some Attention
My selection of DC is arbitrary, it could well be any of Charles Dickens later works. No, Vulnavia, we shall not be descending into the purulent, self-satisfied pantheon of vulgar pretenders who satirise (weakly) their more effulgent progenitors! ("Pride And Prejudice And Zombies", we level our gunsight at you).
Recovering from my bout of mock-Dickensian speech - all my own work and no reference to the dictionary, honest - allow me to explicate.
Charles Dickens, you see, was an early case of enormously popular celebrity, following on from "The Pickwick Papers" unparalleled success in 1836. If I may be critical on one point, it is that of length. "Bleak House" (O you must be weary of those words by now!) was published as were all his works, by instalments, and the more instalments, why! the more shillings in his pockets. Thus no need for brevity.
Breville tea. Close enough.
It was written in 1852 and, like all his other works, contains exactly 0% Charles Dickens. In replicating the social landscape of mid-Victorian London (and Lincolnshire) there is no mention anywhere of the most popular author of the day. None. Nowhere. Nil. Also, zilch and nada, for our South Canadian cousins who might be reading. And ei mitaan, for any Finns.
"All very well, O Lapsang-Souchang-soused oldster," I hear you quibble. "Where does the Zombie Apocalypse occur in all this?"
Pausing only to note that it's simply months since I soused any Lap-Sou, I shall elucidate. Art!
CAUTION! Zombies can cause alopecia
Once again, I chose this title arbitrarily. I'm like that. The principle is that, in no zombie film ever, do the characters refer to extant zombies in print, film or television form. In all their fictional worlds there has never been mention of zombies and how to deal with them (except maybe in "Return Of The Living Dead" but we'll gloss over that one because it denigrates the noble weasel). You can't count sequels in this either, because that would be silly.
O, that high-pitched whining sound? Charles Dickens revolving in his grave at 1,200 r.p.m.
Motley! We need to test the force in Newtons of a human bite. Come over here and bend down -
The 'Ministry Of Allowing Dangerous Things' Is Open
Conrad is getting a bit of practice in for when he takes over. No longer will you need to file reams of paperwork to purchase a patented Furze Thermite Cannon, and fireworks will be on sale 366 days of the year (to make sure we cover them all), and what you see below will be not only allowed but compulsory*. Art?
Here the operator has clearly taken safety precautions, by donning ear-protectors, as the machine makes an impressively-loud THUD! when it smashes a piece of timber apart. Those may look like safety-goggles but are in fact the even more effective common-or-garden spectacles, clearly far superior in design. Note, too, that the operator is wearing shorts and not simply a pair of briefs or swimming trunks - safety first! And he tops (or bottoms) this Personal Protective Apparatus off with a pair of incredibly robust plastic sandals; these also allow him to remain fleet of foot, meaning he can nearly dodge large chunks of wood that fly off the chopping board and impact his feet.
You can see the title of the video at top, and this clip is the most dangerous of all 15 shown. It's not clear when this was filmed but by now Mister Stumpy is doubtless buying his firewood ready-chopped.
Jules, Jules, Hit The Traboules!
A passing reference in Julian Jackson's "France: The Dark Years" made Your Humble Scribe sit up and pay attention. He was explaining why Lyons was such a hot-bed of Resistance activity and that this may have been aided by the "famous traboules".
They're not that famous if I've never heard of them, are they? Art!
They are covered passageways, dating back to the 4th century in some cases, to the number of 400. Hence quite a gift to undercover paramilitaries needing to move undetected by day or night.
A traboule
Only 40 or so are open to the public now <sad face> yet there are guided tours that will enlighten you about these ones <happier face>. So, if you ever happen to find yourselves in Lyons -
More traboules
Brass For Bricks
As you should surely know by now, Conrad likes to feature Lego sculptures that are done on a large scale, basking in the appreciative feeling that other people have gone to enormous lengths to create an artistic artefact, and have done so over hundreds of hours.
Thus it's a touch conflicting to see this random collection -
Finally -
Yes, I am off today as well but you're still only getting one post. Your Gluttonous Rascal also has to contend with the haul from a shopping trip yesteryon, resulting in So Much Food! that even his stomach will have trouble coping. Not only that, he also made a pan of "Bigos", a.k.a. Hunter's Stew, a Polish dish that, to judge by the quantity created, would feed six and still leave leftovers. Say a couple of Conrad-sized meals.
Hunters Two. Close enough
And on that note not only are we done, I have to - have to - go scoff a couple of frozen pizzas. To make room in the freezer. Yeah, yeah - to make room. Right.
* I was going to have Tom be the Minister Without Portfolio, though now I'm inclining towards Minister For Exterminating All Musicals. Mark Kermode is a shoo-in for Minister For Promoting The Comsat Angels.
** NO. You want dollar values, do it yourselves.
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