Okay, I Cheated
It ought to be all one word, i.e. "Smallweed", except that's not very click-baity, is it? Because of course we are referring back to "Bleak House" and a set of minor characters who have the surname 'Smallweed'. Hang on whilst I hunt down an appropriately click-baity picture that will ensnare random passers-by on the internet. Art?
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"Killer robot aids with calisthenics" |
Okay, back on topic again <chorus of booing> and the wretched Smallweed family. There is the sullen and sour grand-daughter Judy, the sly grand-son Bart, the senile old grandmother and of course Grandfather Smallweed, an odious objectionable, greedy, grasping, money-grubbing money-lender who cannot walk and is carried around in a chair. Art!
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Art! |
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The article in question |
O very well. It was nicknamed "The Beetle" and General Electrics - you know what, we'll do a separate item on it.
Motley, you have accumulated a lot of spare cash over the years, and bearing in mind that injunction about "Neither a borrower nor a lender be", I stole it.
From The Sublimely Long To The Patently Ridiculous
Conrad has now picked up "They Came And Ate Us" by Robert Rankin, which is not only a lot shorter than a three-inch thick Charles Dickens novel, it is also a lot quicker to read, having been written in a racy late-twentieth century style with lots of passing references to pop culture. Including some you might not recognise. Art!
Ol' Bob makes mention of the volume above, as compiled by the "mad Arab" Abdul Alhazred (he was made because someone had tattooed "Wakey" and "Wakey" on the inside of his eyelids?) in the translation by Olaus Wormius, which was in Latin. All of which sprang from the fertile mind of one H.P. Lovecraft, not real life, Vulnavia. Ol' Bob also has a bit of a pash for the General Electrics (yes them again) M134 Minigun. Art?
One of these puppies |
You What?
Conrad, on occasion, finds himself so out of touch with the modern world that it's amusing. One suspects that sports commentators and those obsessed by reality television would be utterly dumbstruck at Your Humble Scribe's sheer ignorance about their particular field of faff. For example -
Seething Wells
Well well well - er, so to speak. Conrad had always thought that this was merely the stage name of a 'Punk Poet' from the early Eighties, back when you could get away with spouting doggerel on stage and looking edgy. Art?
In fact it is the name given to a suburb of London, where once upon a time there were natural springs, and which ended up being the site of a waterworks in the mid-nineteenth century, where water from the Thames was processed into almost-cholera free potability.
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The filter beds |
There is a whole separate item, which we might come back to, about the provision of clean drinking water to the citizens of London, against a background of water-borne diseases. Not to be read whilst eating, mind.
More Of Idiots At Work And Play
We must document these characters whilst they are yet still alive and unmutilated, for poking fun at them once they are dead or dismembered would be in rather poor taste. Let us now look at that rich source of Darwin Award contenders, the Home-made Wood Chopping Device. Art!
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"I still have both hands and all my fingers," boasted John ("I am patient," cautioned the Wobble-chop) |
- THERE! THERE! THEY'VE DONE IT AGAIN! TWO 409 BUSES BOUND FOR ROCHDALE WITHIN SECONDS OF EACH OTHER!
- to continue until the law of averages catches up with you, judging by the pile of chopped wood next to you.
And with that, we are ever so very done!
* A fine vegetable if NOT OVERCOOKED
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