O Munificent Murder!

Conrad Contemplates Christie

No, you drivelling bafoun!  Nothing to do with the murderer, whose name we won't trot out as he was a bottom of the first order.  AGATHA Christie, frequently nominated as "the doyen of crime writers".  Conrad spotted an article on the BBC's website about an adaptation of one of the "Queen Of Crime"'s novels, set in India.  The film-maker very coyly won't say which novel it's based on, so I'm going to revenge myself by not naming him, either*.

     This led to a set of statistics being printed about Mrs. Christie's international success, which is considerable.  Very considerable.  In fact uniquely considerable, as she is the most successful novelist in history, with 2 BILLION books sold globally, half of those in The Mother Tongue (English, for the unaware) and the rest in over 100 languages, thus proudly flying the flag for This Sceptred Isle and bringing in tax revenue.  Art?

Bright young thing in dowdy dark hat

     Then there are the 45 films of her works, and the 700 plays performed globally, including that one about mice which has been playing non-stop since 1852.  No!  Sorry - 1952.  1952, I've been reading and writing about "Bleak House" so much the publishing date for it stuck in my mind.
     Sadly for Ol' <thinks> Aggie, she won't see a penny of this as she hopped, skipped and jumped off this mortal coil 44 years ago, of natural causes of course - obviously! - rather than being snuffed out by a criminal conspiracy, involving a mysterious woman in heels, a Bavarian aristocrat and mouldy jam sandwiches as a murder weapon.

Or - an anti-tank mine.
(It has been done, you know)

     Now, nothing posted by Your Humble Scribe would be complete without a big of hair-splittery, so, since it is the 100th anniversary of "The Mysterious Affair At Styles" being published, let us look at that particular television episode of "Poirot", because I did way back in April last year.  Art?

30 years old.  Egad!

     We are led to believe that Captain Hastings is recuperating in England in June of 1916, the middle of the First Unpleasantness, and has bad dreams about tanks.  Not possible, Vulnavia.  Tanks were not seen on the Western Front until September of 1916 -

     Sorry, I thought it worth mentioning as it's the sort of ridiculously minor detail that Hercule would pick up on and use to confront the mysterious girl in a boa, the American business man and the candle-snuffer murder weapon.

     No, Motley, no.  There is no Thermite Cannon as a murder weapon.  That comes under "Demolition Equipment".

A Blast From The Past

In two senses.  I shall have to copy a previous BOOJUM! here, as it brought up an interesting issue. Art!

 The reason I sought was because I remember reading somewhere - the details are hazy as it was many, many years ago - that H.G. Wells claimed to have invented a telpherage system for use by the armies of Perfidious Albion in the First Unpleasantness.
     Art!  Illustrate us a telpherage system, quick smart.
               

     As you can see, telpherage systems were nothing new, they'd been around for centuries, and you may have partaken of a ride in one yourself in the guise of a cable-car.   So, not so novel.
     The thing is, Your Humble Scribe has read more books about the First Unpleasantness than he cares to remember, and nowhere is this telpherage system mentioned.  There is an aerial ropeway that was invented by a clutch of Royal Engineers, which is claimed to be oh-so-successful, except, again, I've never read about it.  Did it actually exist?  Did it operate at all?  Was it as successful as a single report claims?  Who knows!

Aha!

     This reprint of the original might very well have details within of telpherage schemes, successful or otherwise, but the cheapest edition comes in at £27 for a Naval and Military Press reprint.  There were only 1,000 copies of the original ever printed, they are rare and expensive things - well over £200 for the single one on Abebooks, 

     Well, BFTP Part One: I now have the Battery Press reprint edition of the above, in hardback and less than £27 as well!  Does it mention <takes deep breath>: aerial ropeways, telpherage, telepherage (a subtle distinction not a typo), HG Wells, ropeways, aerial tramways, or any combination of these?

     No.  It does not.  I know because I've gone over the index, not the whole book yet - it is 500 pages long - but I shall read it and keep an eye open for these telpherage systems.  Herbert "Genius" Wells - apparently prone to the "I Invented Everything" syndrome.

Hmmmm.

"France: The Dark Years" By Julian Jackson

Phew, finally finished this magnum opus late last night.  As mentioned before, it is an extremely detailed political and social analysis of France between the Armistice in June 1940 and the end of Liberation in 1944, which is a horribly complicated subject.  So many acronyms!  It could do with a glossary, there are so many of them, especially since organisations mutated over time and changed titles.

     One of the occasional lighter notes (there are not many) was mention of a French film I have never heard of: "La Grande Vadrouille", which translates as "The Big Stroll".  Art?

     If you are one of the M8s and have never seen this, then you are A TRAITOR! because it is one of the most successful French films in France, ever, breaking all sorts of box office records even today, when it was released in 1966.  It even has Terry Thomas in it.  One day, Vulnavia, one day ...

Finally -

Dog Buns!  Two-thirds of the way through "Bleak House" and Tulkinghorn is on borrowed time yet still very much alive, curse his dowdy dress sense!  Also, as a literary non sequiteur, one of the minor characters who spent most of his day in a gin-sodden haze (where did he get the money?) has perished in a case of what is never exactly stated as Spontaneous Human Combustion yet which so surely is.  Your Humble Scribe will have to go back to this chapter as various contemporary scientific personages are quoted on the subject.

     In case you were wondering, there is no such thing as SHC.  We may come back to this, as Conrad likes to pontificate at the credulous.  Art!

Good for the roses, mind.

     And with that we are done done done!

CAUTION!  Candle-snuffers are potentially lethal
Handle with care - do not candle with hair.

*  Heh.