The Butcher, The Barber And The Milkman

Oho, I Think I've Been Verrrrry Clever There

But we'll see.  For Lo! we are back on the subject of "The Boys" again, and I have a photo I took last night yet which Conrad simply could not get to upload, not until rebooting the laptop - which hurt my big toe - around the room, and by then it was time for bed, for Your Humble Scribe frankly needs all the beauty sleep going.

Conrad after getting only 6 hours kip

     I ought to point out here that any reader under the age of 18 ought to be completely baffled when I talk about this television series as it is most definitely NSFW.  Okay, let us wheel on that picture which went missing in action yesteryon.  Art?

Sulky baby won't eat his gravy

     A-Train getting his marching orders, heh.  

     Which has nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about, as per usual.  Your Humble Scribe makes beating around the bush into an Olympic-level event - and there I go again.

     No, what I wanted to focus on was The Boys now being wanted fugitives, with their names and pictures being plastered all across the South Canadian media, forced to keep to the shadows and maintain a low profile -

Er - quite.

     <ahem> having to ceaselessly keep an eye out for law-enforcement, prepared at any second to run or fight for their lives -

     - adopting cunning disguises to throw any possible pursuit by Vought off the trail, and to ensure their nearest and dearest aren't put at risk -

     O alright, that was all tongue-in-cheek.  For starters, does Billy Butcher shave off any of his trademark wild-man beard and 'tache?  No he does not!  Ten minutes with a pair of scissors and a razor and he'd be unrecognisable, yet he never takes the plunge.  What, he has a Sampson complex?  Nor do any of the other ne'er-do-wells around him change their scruffy street clothing; can you imagine anyone giving Frenchie a second glance if he wore a suit and tie and carried a briefcase?  Why doesn't Mother's Milk leave his bling in a safety-deposit box and wear a rasta wig?  As for Kimiko, a little anime-dress sense and pink hair dye and she'd become invisible.  What do you think of my suggestions, chaps?

O.  Well.  I was only trying to help.

     Of course there is another, alternative explanation as to why they don't adopt disguises: the police and FBI and Homeland Security all turn a blind eye to them, knowing what the supes are really like, with people like Mallory having deniably passed the word around to be hands-off unless it's unavoidable.

     Then again, I may be overthinking this a little ...

I'm Sorry, I Just Couldn't Resist It

By now you ought to have a sense of what Conrad's humour consists of: punnery, general hilarity at the misfortunes of others, and the Darwin Awards (possibly a sub-set of the middle one).  So, I saw this picture and had to get a copy - Art?

     Blimey!  For a chap with a name like that, he looks like his dog died after eating his cat and after that had urinated on his chips just before the chip-pan fire burned the house down.  Come on, matey, you've just been given £45 million, the very least you could do is raise one side of your mouth.  Or grin.  Like this -

     BAH!  That's the infamous 'Pineapple Tin' picture from "Three Men In A Boat" and could I find it the last time I looked across the infinite boundlessness of the internet?  No I could not!  Now, tonight, not looking for it at all and - here it is.

    I am very cross and am in no mood for a Partey, thank you very much.

O Marketa!

I might have to sweet-talk delicious darling delightful Marketa, whom we have unaccountably ignored for all too long, the chirpy cheerful charming Czech, and, O Precious Pearl of Prague, do you have another unusual yet useful Czech word for us today?

     <ducks to avoid thrown frying pan and meat mallet>

     You do!  Thank you so much!

     "Tichý blázen":  a nickname given to a fisherman.

     I see, I see.  Art?

Both titchy* and blazing

   This one rather lends itself to the imagination.  Your Humble Scribe can think of another vile pun on this topic, which, if Art will haul bottom -

     I think it best to leave now, as Marketa is eyeing the contents of the knife rack with a worrying glint in her eye ... **

The End Of The "Recommend"

Yes, today is the last in a long list of comics recommended to keep your lockdown endurable, drawn up by creative legend Brian Michael Bendis and given a beta review by Your Humble Scribe, so you have sufficient information to make a decision on.

     Today it is the turn of "Monstress" and this is one I actually remember seeing on the shelves of 'Travelling Man', so it must have something going for it.  Art?

     Well, the cover art looks very good <wallet squeaks in anguish> and it has a recommendation by master storyteller Neil Gaiman.  What's it about?  It would appear to be a fantasy work, set in a world where magic works and is used by one race against another, with humans thrown into the mix, centring around Maika, who has a metal arm that houses an occasionally-present demon -

     Unusually (for the moment) it is both written and drawn by women, and has won scads of awards <wallet faints>, including five Hugo Awards, and they don't give those away with boxes of cornflakes.  Conrad approves! <wallet runs and hides>.

"Nice doggies!"

Finally -

We only need a short item to hit the Compositional Ton,  I think we'll go with an entry in the Also-Rans from the Darwin Awards website.  The trick is to find something that's not too long and not too unpleasant - don't want you being sick at breakfast - but which still demonstrates how stupid Hom. Sap. can be.

     Aha! Here's one.  A driver had been spraying air freshener inside his car,and from what happened next it must have been an economy-sized can that he completely emptied.

    With his chariot - all windows securely fastened and shut - now full of fumes, what does our aspiring kamikaze do?

     Lights a cigarette.  Art?

     He survived unscathed, though his car did not.  Who knows, it may have impelled him to give up smoking! (we love a happy ending)

*  English vernacular for "very small"

**  A woman neglected is worse than one scorned, and this is proof