Conrad's Labours

YES THAT IS THE CORRECT SPELLING THANK YOU VERY MUCH! 

<ahem> None of that peculiar South Canadian-centric lexicography here*, and nothing in metric if it can possibly be avoided.  There will be exceptions to the latter, as nobody on earth would know what Conrad was banging on about were he to refer to the "3.46457 inch", which you would instantly recognise as the "88" because that's it's calibre in millimetres.

Crewed by Genesis (with their Invisible Touch)

     Anyway, I was trying to impress you with my diligence and conscientiousness, because Lo! it's time to drag up another box office disaster of epic proportions, and since I began this list waaaaay back in June, and it's at least two months since we last piled odium upon lambast, I had to go back and search to see what we've already covered.

"YOU STOLE MY MONOCLE!"
<he also needs to see a dermatologist>

     There was something about Sinbad, and Monsters, and there you go, a two-for-one.  Today, however, we cock a snook at "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword" which was thrown at screens back in 2017.  It made about £93 millions at the box office, which wasn't good enough NOT GOOD ENOUGH GUY as it still lost that same amount overall, even if it is a whole lot of wheelbarrows of loot.  Part of the problem was the casting, and part of it was the editing, and part of it -

<mild facepalm>

     Look, an epic fantasy cannot be done in the same way as a Mockney Gangstah film, and - O what's the point, its seems to be a 21st century film clad in Dark Ages clobber and they probably speak a fake argot at well.  At least we were spared five more like it, which would have happened if it had been a success.  Art?

How to scare cats the Charlie Hunnam way!

          O Motley, shall we have a game of Curare Darts? now that you're all better from your ill-fated voyage into space?


Conrad's Labours Part Two

This is a lot less innocuous than carping at a reel or two of some cinematic scrivel, so if you are squeamish or easily startled - then you really shouldn't be here.  I would advise decamping to Uncle Brian's Victorian Brass Faucet Collection Blog, or The Lovely Fluffy Bunnies Have Exciting Adventures.  Definitely NOT The Complete Guide To KILLER EELS**.  Okay - Art?

     Conrad proposes a variant of this game, where the Jenga blocks are actually made out of thin-walled glass, with the name "Jenga" painted on the side, and the contents are liquid nitro-glycerine, which is why you'd paint the name, not brand it on with any method involving heat.

     Yes, nitro-glycerine!  That most temperamental and impact-sensitive of all explosives, which will go off if you drop it from a height.  Imagine this -

Best viewed from a distance
(half a mile should do it)

     - but with nitro-glycerine.  Contestants would be allowed to wear body armour and sprint away from the tower once they'd removed a block, with the cannier ones trying to get it to tip towards their opponent.
     I doubt it would ever get approved, or not until the Ministry Of Permitting Dangerous Things gets a budget and a staff.  Still, a man can dream.

To you: a nightmare.  To Conrad: sweet contentment

     Of course, there would be marketing problems, since there is an extremely well-known and much-adapted short story called "The Most Dangerous Game" that has been out there since the Twenties.  I shall turn this problem over to the Bad Ad Ventures agency and see what they come up with***.

Continuing With Our Theme -

I've mentioned "The Falling Astronauts" by Barry N. Malzeberg a few times in the blog, and introducing it today means I can mention the Moon again (bit of a touchstone for high traffic of late) and also THINGS EXPLODING (see previous item).  Art?

     I remember not being that struck by the novel, but you must admit the cover artwork is great.  I forget whether or not they blow up the Moon.

Words With Fun

SIT BACK DOWN!  You will be entertained, or else^.  

"SCISSION": No, I'd never heard of it, either.  It was an answer to the crossword question "A division between people (8)".  My Collins Concise defines it as "The act of cutting, splitting or dividing", derived from the Latin "Scissio" or "To split".  I don't think their clue is apt, myself.

"The chain scission of conjugated polymers"
(Obviously!)

"Ratiocination": I finally remembered this word, which had buzzed like an annoying fly around the surface of my mind every time I woke up one night last week.  Could I remember it the morning afterwards?  NO, I could not!  It means the process of thinking or arguing logically and rationally, so Conrad hates it already.

But I don't have any emotions, either^^.

"DEIGN": Just because I wondered where it came from, since it seemed French.  It does come from Old French, yet ultimately from Latin <sighs heavily> and "Dignari" meaning "To consider worthy".

Guys!  You totally are!

     This is the scene where Alice Cooper <Conrad not sure about a man using a woman's name but will give him a pass for the moment> deigns to address our two heroes above, who are stricken with a sense of homage.


Finally -

Conrad has turned up a few interesting place names whilst diligently plodding through the un-named files of Canadiana and the war diaries therein.  "Esquimalt Fortress" is one such place, with four sets of digital files dating from September 1939 to October 1945.  What is it?  Where is it? or was it?  Art?

How it is now

     Well, it's British America's Pacific naval base, because British America is so large it has a shore on the Atlantic and Pacific, which is being a bit greedy if you ask me.

How it was then

     Can we have a map, Art?

     It's on there somewhere, if you care to look closely enough (I think)

*  "Center"?  Bah!  "Color"?  Pah!  "Creme"?  Get out of here!

**  It has been known to give small children nightmares.  Also their parents.

***  They're very good.  They have to be; one of their clients is the Mordor Tourist Board

^  Or else - the 5,000 word monograph on "Forbidden Planet"!

^^  A fact I am very angry about.