Back To One Of Our Staples

No!  Nothing To Do With Office Supplies

For the puzzled South Canadians out there, "Staples" is an office supplies retailer here in Perfidious Albion, their name being an hilarious pun on Basic Essentials and also those annoying metal things that rip your A4 to bits without securing it properly.  Ha ha.  Ho ho.  

     NO!  I mean the critical triple of Things Man Cannot Live Without*: tanks, atom bombs and zombies.  Or is that just me?  Art!

You've got zombies and tanks, and the next page had atom bombs, if I remember correctly
(I have the whole comic in reproduction as part of "Mister Monster's High-Shock Schlock")

     For as Your Humble Scribe was trawling teh interwebz for pictures of nuclear-powered nuclear bombers, a sinister thought crept into my mind.  It had a lot of jumping and hollering to do to make itself heard above all the other sinister thoughts, yet it prevailed.

     Okay, we may have gone into this subject a couple of times previously, so I shall only lightly buff the surface matter instead of an in-depth explanation.  As mentioned above, back in the late Fifties and into the Sixties, both South Canada and the Sinister Union were looking at the possibility of aircraft powere987d by a nuclear reactor.  They looked at big, strategic bombers that would be able to carry such a reactor thanks to their physical size.  Art?

The mighty NB36

     It only carried a reactor, as a proof-of-concept, and the project was shut down in 1958.  They did continue with separate engine development until that, too, was shut down in 1964 <Conrad weeps for what might have been>.  Art?

Not at all small

     The Sinisters, not wanting to feel left out, also carried out in-flight experiments with a nuclear reactor aboard an aircraft, killing it off in 1969.  Art?

Tu95LAL

     Conrad's point is that these projects were shut down over 50 years ago and technology has not stood still in that time; what with metallurgy and ceramics and CNC engineering ability, it ought to be possible to construct a nuclear reactor capable of powering a large bomber.  That being so, one of the strengths of an atomic atomic bomber would come into play; mission duration.  With a nuclear reactor powering away, let me pull a guesstimate out of the air and say that the BUFF ("Big Ugly Fission-powered Fellah") would be able to stay aloft for 25,000 hours.

    That's over two and a half YEARS.  And it's not unrealistic, either, as a couple of years is the typical duration of a conventional nuclear reactor's fuel supply.

     I know, I know, you're all bleating "But the crew!  But the crew! They'd all die of dehydration or starvation after a couple of months!"

     Pshaw!  You're being too conventional-minded.  Whoever said anything about the bomber being manned**?  An un-manned bomber wouldn't need much in the way of shielding for the reactor, making it lighter and thus more feasible to construct, since you don't have squishy meatbags to protect.
    I know, I know, you're all bleating "An autonomous bomber armed with nuclear ordnance?  Unthinkable!  Remember that documentary 'Stealth' and what happened there!"

Ah - sorry to break the news to you.  It wasn't a documentary.  All fictional

    Pausing until you dry your eyes, I merely point out that it's not a mann - staffed bomber, not that it was autonomous.  Remember, we have all that successful drone technology at our command!  So the BUFF will be loitering at altitude just outside Ruffian airspace, endlessly circling in a figure-of-eight one hundred and twenty miles long, for two and a half years.  There will be nine people supporting each nuclear drone.

This, five times bigger and carrying nukes.  What's not to like*!

     The nine will be split into three teams of three, each of whom covers an eight-hour shift flying the BUFF; one person lead operator, one on standby and one in reserve.  If things kick off all three will join the lead at the control consoles to manage the workload -

     Of course, I could be overthinking this a little ...


How Exquisitely Inappropriate

For Lo! we are back on that short but interesting list of children's cartoon series derived from inherently unsuitable and inappropriate films.  We've already had "The Toxic Avenger" and "Robocop", now say hello to "Aliens".

     No, not that horrid-looking walking goitre ET, whom Conrad never cared for, nor any of the 'alien' species on "Starry Trex", where they had a forehead crease from a cheap prosthetic that made them look like bottom-heads - 

     No, I mean "Aliens" the film directed by James Cameron, with copious gore, people being split asunder, melted by acid, diced by monsters, and aliens being shot, burned, crushed and exploded.  Art?

Ah, Ellen ...

     There is a question about whether this series was ever officially made, to which the answer seems to be "No".  The toy manufacturer Kenner had a line of action figures made, and it seems Twentieth Century Fox commissioned a South Korean firm to do at least sample cartoon reels, before realising that, really, there was no way to remove the gore and violence and gore and violence and still have a cartoon left***.  The occasional screenshot turns up for "Operation Aliens" but since the whole thing happened over 25 years ago, don't expect the whole test reel to ever show up.  Art?

I'd buy that for a dollar!

     Ah, what might have been, what might have been ...


Conrad And An Eyes-Stomach Interface Discontinuity

Your Humble Scribe, who has a keen interest in food <is a greedy fat scoffer! the hideous truth courtesy Mister Hand>

     WILL YOU STOP THAT, YOU TREACHEROUS APPENDAGE!

     As I was saying, I had written down the recipe for a "Ruben Sandwich", which sounds like the sort of thing they retail in New York for office workers to devour at lunchtime out of a brown paper bag.  "Is that it?" I pundered (which is like pondering but with more jokes).  "Better double up on the quantities.  I mean, one sandwich!"  Art?

With pen for scale

     I managed the smaller sandwich, and half of the other a couple of hours later, and had definitely reached fill-level by then.  Guess what today's microwaved lunch is going to be?

     By the way, it was delicious.  Worth looking the recipe up for an extra-filling sandwich that will keep you going for eight hours.

New York thanks you

Finally -

Your Humble Scribe has to go into Sodom-on-Ur later this morning for a diabetic  eye test, and did consider whether to take that bag of books MY BEAUTIFUL BOOKS! in to hand over at the charity shops.  Art?

Ignore the cable!  Ignore the cable!

     I have decided not to.  There's only 8 books in there at present, and if I wait another week there will be lots more as I've got a fair few fiction books on the go that I won't be keeping.  Last trip there were 24 OF MY BEAUTIFUL BOOKS! though I don't know if we'll manage quite that many next time.

And with that, we are so very very done!

*  Woman might be able to, she's less fussy.

**  O go on.  "Staffed".

***  Because of the violence and gore.