How Do The Howdah

Whilst Eating Clam Chowder
Those of you with any experience of BOOJUM! ought to recall that Conrad is always up for a cryptic crossword or a codeword, and that his indignant squealing about words or definitions he deems either obscure or incorrect are a staple here on the blog.  I let the MEN Cryptic get away with "TAHINI" as an answer, because you can make a tasty dip with it.  Like peanut butter, except made with sesame seeds.
     However.  Art!

     It took me 40 minutes to crack this one, because it only had one letter given - "O", and I was pondering about 9/3/6/12/17/9, wondering what it might be.  "ROSIER" was one option but that didn't match when I tried the letters in other words.
     Your Modest Artisan eventually cracked it, by going back and forth with other letters, and reckoning that 18/17/18/9 was "SASH".  So I got HOWDAH in the end.
     "What, or who, is 'Howdah'?" I hear you question.  'Can you eat or drink it?"
     Art!

A trio of 'em

     A Howdah is a variety of carriage or platform placed on the back of an elephant, the better to be carried around so you can shoot or impale things, including the upright hairless ape.  Art?

CAUTION! Not suitable for circuses

     Now, I ask you, is that fair?  And I had to look up "ORFE", which turned out to be a species of small fish, popular in indoor aquaria.
     Here an aside.  You remember the BBC's premier dramamentary, "Doctor Who"?  At one point The Doctor is explaining to Steven that the TARDIS adapts to it's surroundings, so that if it turned up in India, why it would mimic a howdah, thanks to the Chameleon Circuit.  Which broke many generations ago, hence the police box.

A space-helmet for a cow.  Obviously!

     Don't worry, motley, there's no risk of us being inveigled into a tiger hunt on elephant-back in a howdah; the elephant repellent spray is still working in the grounds of The Mansion.

Clam chowder

A Scarf And A Half
Conrad's present from Darling Daughter arrived yesteryon, and as kind of hinted and expected, it constituted one scarf.  Art?

     I did wear it for a couple of hours before casting it aside, since yesteryon was one of the hottest days of the year so far.  Though I kept my socks on, to the great amusement of Wonder Wifey.  And yes, it is hand-knitted, no store-bought tat for this dad.

Great Big Money-losing Box Office Stinkeroos
Back to our gloating schadenfreude-ridden list of ten films that were horribly expensive failures at the cinema, and we have reached Number 8: "Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets".  Art?

     O boy.  This one lost £52 million, although Your Humble Scribe is willing to bet it did best of all in France, for reasons we'll come back to.
     O I see the sun is back out again - really, this weather doesn't know what to do with itself.  I shall console myself by playing some PPOTU.
     Conrad has seen this film and his categorisation is that it's "A Glorious Mess".  One major problem is the casting of the two leads, the bloke of which looks about twelve, and his partner about sixteen.  Not convincing as interstellar trouble-shooters of Galaxity, and with a notable absence of chemistry about them, too.  Plus the dialogue was a bit rubbish.  Although they do follow the Hollywood trope of having a British character actor as the bad guy; as soon as you saw Clive Owen you could place good money on him being the villain.
     Okay, Art!

One of the editions I have

     The characters of Valerian and Laureline come from a long series of inventive and excellently drawn comics by creators Mezieres and Christin, whom as you may have gathered from the names, are French.  The series began way back in 1967 and can fairly claim to have influenced science fiction, especially films, since then*.  Thing is, with VATCOATP being such a money-pit, there aren't going to be any sequels from that studio.  There was an animated television series called "Time Jam", FYI.

Thus

Whilst On About Comics -
Conrad has recently watched "The Death Of Stalin", Armando Iannucci's satirical take on Uncle Joe's kicking the bucket and the power struggle that occurred afterwards.  Various academics, including one Richard Overy, have taken Ol' Arm Ol' Ian Ol' Ando to task about historical inaccuracies over the film -

Indubitably dead

     Well, folks, it's a satire, not a documentary.  Believe it or not <gasp!> "Catch 22" does not truly represent what happened in the USAAF during the Second Unpleasantness.  Then again, Ol' Ando's source material came from two French graphic novels, not some dry and dusty historical tome.

It couldn't come too soon

     The film got the ultimate accolade: Banned In Russia.  This is because Tsar Putin wants people to think back on the Sinister era and view it through rose-tinted spectacles, and if you take the mickey out of a paranoid bloodthirsty tyrannical despot who had millions of his own people killed, then you are - obviously! - being disrespectful.  Which will not do.  Expect Tsar Putin to make noises about the Ruffians creating their own TDOS, where he was assassinated by the CIA, whilst defeating an invasion of aliens and performing open-heart surgery on an orphan.

Finally -
Let's end with another merciless bating of Horror Tropes, because it indulges my sense of humour and creativity, and is a stern lesson to lazy screenwriters and directors.  You can bet Hollywood quivers in it's collective shoes when one of these comes out!

<we see a couple of visiting relatives around the hospital bed of their mild-mannered dad, a surgeon in attendance>
MOM:  You're sure you're okay, dear?
DAD:  I'm fine, they just need to get the test results and then I'm good to go.  A couple of hours at most.
SON: But Pops, isn't experimental stomach-replacement surgery risky?
DAD: No, really, a couple of hours and that's it.
<The surgeon takes Mom aside>
SURGEON:  Well, at least the death of notorious serial killer and cannibal Horrible Hector served some purpose.
MOM: You mean -
SURGEON: Yup, we harvested his organs, and his stomach was a perfect match for your husband's.
MOM <goes pale>: O no!  What - what does this mean?
SURGEON <puzzled>: Your husband got a new stomach, one without fifty ulcers.
MOM:  It's not going to - influence him, is it?
SURGEON: Hopefully to not eat junk food 24/7.
<six months later the family are gathered at the dinner table>
SON: What's for dinner, Mom?
MOM: Meatloaf, giblet gravy, french fries and vegetables.
DAD: Great!  I love these steamed veg, they're so good for you
MOM: Ah - how's your stomach, dear?
DAD:  Just fine, thanks.  Can I have some more french fries?


*  Yes, Mister Lucas, we're looking at you.