Double Double Toil And -

Misfeasance
I think that's what I'm aiming for <checks Collins Concise> close enough.  Besides, the less Shakespeare these pages are inflected with, the better.
     "Fire burn and cauldron bubble" would be the next line, wouldn't it, and that's kind of vaguely aligned to what I wanted to wiffle on about today.  Art?

NO!  Art, you bafoon - that's a "Caudron" -  where's my Tazer

     Ignore any shrieking or sizzling noises you hear in the next thirty seconds, gentle readers.
     <hideous cacophony reminiscent of a hundred wildcats being microwaved alive>
     Shall we try again?

Not sure where the still comes from

     As some of you may be aware, Jim and Al praised this novel highly on their "We Have Ways" podcast, and Al did a reading of it.  Conrad remembers having the edition above way back in the mid-Eighties.  Can you get hold of it nowadays, though?  Can you my hairy white posterior*!

  

     A bit vague, so let me tell you that it's "Unavailable", though the same author's "Four Sergeants" is available for £553, if you fancy it.  And yes, I tried Abebooks, who didn't have any copies, either.  They did have "Play Dirty", which is Zeno's adaptation of the film starring Michael Caine.  Art?  O stop snivelling and run it under a cold tap!

     <Conrad barely suppresses a choking fit of rage>
     These two screenshots above illustrate what I have long asserted: that some people retailing books on Abebooks are ripping buyers off.  You'll notice that the SMALL PAPERBACK BOOK in the top picture is going for £84, and that they want another SIXTY POUNDS for postage.  I repeat, this is a small paperback book.  And nobody's going to pay £145 for a book when the vendor beneath is only (!) charging £10.50 for postage.
     This, you see, is why I never got to play another round of my English Civil Unpleasantness tonight; booksearching.  I blame Jim and Al for it, they were gibbering on about "One Man's Window" by Denis Barnham earlier in the month.  Art?

Again - unavailable.  Bah!

     Your Humble Scribe was also pootling around looking for another volume of "Official History of the War: Air Operations" on Abebooks, because I only have the first text volume

SO MANY BOOKS SO LITTLE TIME!

     er - yes - quite - as I was saying - quick, Art, a picture!

     More postage-gouging - £24.50 in case you can't see the small print, and for a book of this size coming from South Canada you can expect to pay £10 at the most.  Art!

     This one is in New Zealand and they're only charging £18 postage!
     Your Humble Scribe is tempted.  Only tempted.  I have the willpower to resist.
     Okay, motley, I want you to don these prosthetic wings, you've got a long flight ahead of you.  Yes, yes, you are kind of "Lord Of The Wings", aren't you?

Conrad's Mind: A Metaphor
No tasteless puns here folks!  Art?

Centralia, Pennsylvania

     You may have heard of this town with the misnomer, as it's as far from the centre as it's possible to get.  They had a fire break out underground 50 years ago in the coal mines beneath the town and nobody can predict what's going to crop up next -
     As is the case with Your Modest Artisan.  
     I awoke this morning with the word "Kurchatovium" winging around my consciousness.  Because I haven't got a notepad to hand on the bedside cabinet I didn't recall the word until later on, and Googled it.  Art?

Ignore the beer, ignore the beer!

     It turns out that "Kurchatovium" was a suggested name for element 104, which is now known as Rutherfordium.  It's probably horribly radioactive and toxic to boot, though I don't think it explodes spontaneously <sad face>.
     The thing is, the suggestion came from the Sinister Union, which went toes-up in 1991.
     So, has this nugget of information been bouncing about in my brain for almost 30 years?  Or - I don't know.  Comments and suggestions welcomed.  Brain, I'm warning you.  None of this nonsense in future**.

"It Is Bliss Here" By Myles Hildyard
Just to bring you abreast of the facts, by 1944 Myles was an Intelligence Officer with the HQ of 7th Armoured Division, having been moved on from the Sherwood Rangers Yeomanry since 1943.  He was privy to some positive Real Life Top Secret information thanks to his job, and being able to keep his lips sealed.
     Unlike BBC correspondents.  Art?

Frank Gillard,  BBC war correspondent

     Frank - whose book I have read and may have hanging around somewhere - was fortunate not to be sent home from Normandy, as some of his fellow reporters were; if Monty or the bigwigs in 21st Army Group didn't like what they broadcast, then they were recalled to London.  Not *quite* censorship, you just had to be careful not to reveal too much.
     Which has gone off at a tangent from Myles, rather.  Sorry!  Art?

Myles at right with his ACV and party

     There is a verrrry interesting entry in his journal for 03/07/1944, almost 4 weeks since the Allied landings on D-Day: "Bit of intercept (very secret GOC only) 9 SS Div. at twelve o'clock yesterday: 'Abandon hope all ye who enter here'. "
     To an anorak like Conrad this is perfectly clear; to normal Hom. Sap., perhaps not so much.  Thus:  "Bit of intercept"; a radio intercept, where the British "Y" Service radio eavesdropping stations had picked up a Teuton transmission, perhaps behind the front lines, perhaps in This Sceptred Isle itself.

Add caption

     "very secret GOC only": means the information is restricted to the General Officer Commanding, i.e. the general in command of 7th Armoured Division.  Possibly because the information would have been an Enigma decrypt and thus Ultra classification.
     "9 SS Div.": 9th SS Panzer Division "Hohenstaufen".  One of the Nazi's most effective armoured divisions.

The war is over for these four

     "Abandon hope all ye who enter here": By now even the fanatical and motivated SS had grown to dread the sheer amount of firepower that would descend on them the instant they moved out to attack, or if they were under attack, and this ferocious attritional grinding never stopped.  For one of the best units the Teutons had to feel like this is quite illuminating.


Finally - 
That was a bit grim, wasn't it?  Let us end with something a bit lighter in tone.  Art?

     Edna, yesteryon.  She struggles to cope with hot weather, as she can't take her fur coat off, and so lies, panting a bit, at ones feet, only rousing to look at one if there happens to be food about.  That she can cope with.

     And with that we are done!

*  Sorry for any lingering images that creates.  Imagine fluffy bunnies and rainbows instead.
**  Brain sniggers to itself and ignores warning