Speaking Of Beer -

I Know We Weren't; That's Poetic Licence For You
Anyway, I did mention Oktoberfaust yesteryon, without any elaboration, including a possible visit to it.
     "Yes, we remember," I hear you ruminate.  "Something to do with German beers?"
     Well, yes.  It seems to have been an independent and alternate event thrown up to challenge a much bigger corporate one, over in Openshaw.  Art?

The venue

     Darling Daughter and Quiet Tom were due to attend, but Your Humble Scribe couldn't be sure that there'd be any tickets left, and it was a long walk under lowering skies, so I cried off.  I hope all involved enjoyed their Continental lagers, which the event was promoting.  Art?

The rough-hewn yet genuine interior

     Notice the absence of drunken chav idiots; like the Oldham Beer Festival, this is people quietly enjoying themselves with beers, not necking it as fast as possible to get paralytic in short order <Mister Hand intervenes to redact a 10-page ranting screed> parents!
     I did stop off at the Co-Op on the way home and console myself by purchasing a couple of bottles of what looks like Teuton ales, so there was that.
     Okay, at this point in an Intro I used to - O frabjous day! -  torment the motley, which was a tradition that came out of I can't remember what.  Since the WCM served me with an injunction I've had to play nice with the motley.  
     Moving with dazzling speed, let us now refer to that most interesting book, "Forgotten Tanks and Guns of the 20s, 30s and 40s" by David Lister, which I mention because I'm going to use a picture from it, so fingers crossed there are no legal outcomes from this.  Art?

Behold the Motley!

     Listy goes into the patent designs that originated from Hydran Engineering, which was run by one Lewis Motley - there, the link becomes apparent, doesn't it? - and above you can see the Motley Rocket Gun, designed to allow an individual soldier the firepower of a - of a - well, of a rocket gun.  Sadly never accepted by the War Office at the time.
     Lest you think Mr. L. Motley is one of those English eccentrics who lives in a house lit by candles with twenty-seven cats and no oven, his company manufactured the very successful and equally widely-used Motley Mounting, used to put twin machine guns side-by-side - Art?

So - not that eccentric.
(Only twenty-six cats?)

     Okay, motley, let's play lawn darts with rifle-grenades!  No, no, you misunderstand - we fire at the lawn, not at each other -
Speaking Of Legal Redress -<crosses fingers that Listy never finds out> As regular readers will be aware, Conrad hates hates hates television programs that deal with the legal profession, though he feels "Better Call Saul" might be an exception to the field.
     By some strange quirk of fate or taste, however, Conrad is a big fan of "Legal Eagle" over on Youtube, LE being in reality Devin Stone, a South Canadian attorney practicing for over a decade.  I don't know if we have a photograph around here of his designer-stubbled face or not -

Dev, looking quite disturbingly saturnine

     One thing Dev does is look at television programmes which present court cases or lawyers or big legal battles, and judges how accurate they are.  Well, he took on one program that his followers had long requested he do - "SpongeBob Squarepants", where Plankton (the bad guy) is suing Mr Krabs (not quite a bad guy), who ends up being defended by SpongeBob (definitely a good guy for the ages).

Plankton to port, Mr Krabs to starboard

     It's all a scam, of course, with Plankton trying to blackmail Krabs for the Krabbie-burger recipe.  Dev points out that SpongeBob may be a loyal friend for trying to defend his employer, but he's going to be prosecuted, fined and possibly imprisoned for impersonating a lawyer - that's a serious no-no to a lawyer.
     I'm just going to nip downstairs to put the oven on - do excuse me!

     Dev also points out that Plankton's claim to have slipped on a wet floor is - a bit bizarre, really, because Bikini Bottom is at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean - though putting that aside, Mr Krabs may be liable for Nominal Damages, because Plankton hasn't really been injured (though he is perpetrating a fraud), so he might get £1 in damages.

SpongeBob being VERY VERY NAUGHTY

     I think we'll leave it there, because I can mine more out of this, and undoubtedly shall.
Conrad Smells A Rat Something Fishy Perfume
I had forgotten about this one.  Okay, this was back when I was - what's that?  Well, because a rat does not smell inherently unpleasant and they make excellent pets, would you believe - when I was at the cinema for "Ad Astra", after the adverts had bored me, and we were into the trailers - what's that?  Well, because the article about SpongeBob and his fishy friends might have biased you.  Can we proceed now?  Really?  Thank you so much!*
     Back to the meat of the matter.
     Up came what looked like a trailer, interspersed with various bits of puff about a perfume called "Chambord", which might even be real.  Art?

CAUTION!  Do not apply to broken skin.  Or any kind of skin, actually

     The trailer was for a reboot of "Charlie's Angels", a couple of films that nobody asked for and definitely didn't want a reboot of - though a boot applied to cast and crew is certainly acceptable.  Chambord - which, it turns out, is a drink, so the advertising was utterly wasted on me - popped up every so often because they were "sponsoring" the trailer, which is merely a sneaky way of adding in an advertisement in the trailers when the audience aren't expecting it.
     THIS MAKES ME VERY CROSS!  VERY CROSS INDEED!

Damn.  It is a real thing

     SO VERY CROSS, in fact, that I'm not going to see this film, not even if Mark Kermode gets down on his knees and begs me.
     Ha!  Take that!  <snaps fingers, sprains one, cries>


*  That, folks, is irony.  Just to be clear.