The "It" Whirl

This Is Kind Of Historic
Way, way back when, before the internet, before television, even before Superman, there was only radio and the cinema for entertainment, unless you could play the piano and assembled your family throng for a hearty bellow around said instrument.  Which sounds like a peculiar form of torment to your humble scribe.

The torture instrument.  Do you see - O you do.

     Thus we come to Clara Bow.  No, I don't know if it was pronounced as in "bending from the waist" or "a weapon designed to puncture an enemy epidermis".  That's not the point!  She was described as 'The "IT" Girl', though your humble scribe is a bit pushed to see exactly what 'It' was.  Art?

Frizzy hair is 'It', apparently

     So.  There you have today's pivotal pun, The It Girl, versus our title.
     I begin thus because yesterday I was gargling with rage about not being able to realise the title of a horror film ("horror" very broadly in the sense of it being rather cheap, silly and - it has to be said - not frightening).  It did not feature Michael Gough, as I had thought.  Ironically, I could not remember this character actor's name, and had to look up "The Legend of Hell House" because he was in that.

Believe me, there are 0% green eyeballs in this film.

     Take a note of the cast list there.  
     Anyway, that's not the film we're looking for here.  I realise I have invited you in on this journey without even asking, but if you're already reading this then you didn't have anything better to do, did you?
     The Film I Was Looking For had a golem - see yesterday for why this is relevant - and it got shot by an anti-tank gun (a 6 pounder I believe) to no avail, shortly before being atom bombed in order to destroy it.  Conrad is unsure of property prices as of the Sixties when it was filmed, but surely you could find a cheaper way to remove a big muddy monster that doesn't cause £150 million in collateral property damage?

Nope.  This solution is worse than the problem!

     Our film-fiend in residence, Degsy, instantly recognised the film as I described it's salient points to him.  This is always a good thing, as it proves I am not living in a fever dream.
     It turned out to be "It!", oh irony of ironies.  Art, poster please.

Thus

      Starring Roddy McDowall, who was also in "The Legend of Hell House".  Oh, and that exclamation mark is important, as it (sorry) distinguished this film from "It! - The Terror From Beyond Space", which was supposedly a template for "Alien".  Art?

Wrong "It", Art.
Try again.

I bet he has trouble finding gloves that fit

     Not to mention those various iterations of Stephen King's "It", which does not have an exclamation mark but does have an exceedingly scary clown.  Trust me, 5 minutes of Pennywise are a whole lot more frightening that the entire running time of "It".  Shall we demonstrate?  Yes, we shall, it was a rhetorical question, your views aren't important round here.
     One more tick box in the assertion that no, clowns are not amusing, clowns are in fact Dog Buns scarifying and the dentist's nightmares above would still be creepy with their mouths shut, on account of the Uncanny Valley.      So there we have it.  "Monster, John - monsters from the It!"*
Well, that was a whole lot of nonsense based on your modest artisan's fallible memory.  I hope you're glad I found closure.
Ayo Gurkhali!
Which is the last thing a lot of unfortunate Bad Guys ever heard, since they were being pounced upon by a Ghurka wielding a kukri.  Art?

Kukri with puny human for scale

     I metion this because my Pub Quiz partners mentioned Gurkhas in conversation; Phil and Rosie were flying back to the UK via Abue Dhabi and about a hundred small men, all identically clad, were also on board.  When they landed, the captain requested "Our Gurkha travellers" to remains seated.
     They were impeccably well-behaved on the flight, to their credit, which is very probably the first plane they've ever been on, and their first time out of Nepal.  Art?

"AYO GURKHALI!" 

     Rosie observed that they weren't very large, which is true of the Nepalese in general.  They are, however, made out of steel cable and granite, courtesy of their very hard life in the Nepalese mountains.
     There are tales to tell of the Gurkhas; I think we'll come back to this.

When You Think About It -
It isn't in fact a "Forbidden" planet at all.  If Commander J.J. Adams had set his U.P. cruiser down anywhere but next to the Morbius' residence, both ship and crew would have been perfectly safe, wouldn't they?

Perfectly!

     Now, I know what you're thinking (and no, I haven't returned that DARPA Telepathy Helmet I - er 'borrowed' just yet).
     "The Id Monster, Conrad!" you object.  "It would have spifflicated them anywhere on Altair IV!  Anywhere on the planet would have been under threat.m  Anywhere!"
     I think not, pilgrims.  Art?  One Id Monster, please.
                 
                                          Two Id Monsters!  Art, you spoil us.
     The Id Monster is, let us be frank, a bit of a porker.  I really can't see it loping lithely or lightly across the savannahs of Altair IV, especially as it's a biped rather than a quadruped (or a quintuped, which would be cooool).***  Nor is that all; when sneaking around the C57D, it is very ploddy.  Clearly Morbious' subconscious could do with plenty of diet and exercise.
     Let us assume that Altair IV has planetary proportions similar to Earth, and that J.J. Adams sets down on the other side of the planet from Doctor Morbius.  That means Ol' Iddy has a 12,500 mile journey to make, on his (her?it's?) stumpy little legs.  We will be wildly generous and give Iddy an average running speed of 5 miles per hour, which means he will take 104 days, or OVER THREE MONTHS! to even get to the spaceship.  And you can't expect Morbuis to be unconscious or asleep all that time.  And if Iddy vanishes from existence, why then he has to make the whole trip again, from the very start.
     As I said, Perfectly Safe!

Catchier than "Slightly-Forbidden in a Single Place Planet" I suppose

*  I like to work in a bit of "Forbidden Planet" every now and then.**
**  Okay, okay, a lot of "Forbidden Planet".  There.  Happy now?
***  And proper alien, like.