Terror In The Skies

Normally This Refers To Those Beneath Said Skies
Whom regard the assembled martial multitudes aloft with a baleful eye.  I beg your pardon, that's a bit dense in terms of Us and Them.  
      Forsooth, we are back to Wing Commander Taffy Holden, whom we last left aloft in a Lightning interceptor jet, which was a bad move on Taffy's part, because - let's all join in the chorus -

Taffy Was Not Meant To Fly

     Indeed he was not!  For he had obtained his wings by learning to fly in dainty little propeller aircraft, which managed one-tenth of the speed of a Lightning on afterburner. 

Lightning at rest

     As mentioned before, Taffy had already cheated death multiple times before getting into the air.  Now he was up in the wild blue yonder his troubles multiplied.  His Lightning was not in a fit state to fly, for one thing - the cockpit canopy had been removed and the radio had been taken out as well, because -

                                                Taffy Was Not Meant To Fly      He didn't have a helmet, either, so one wonders how he managed to keep his eyes open in a Mach 2 windstream.       Taffy's first thought was to eject.  But no!  Because -

                                                Taffy Was Not Meant To Fly       - and the ejector seat was still secured in place by safety pins, which the ground crew had not taken out. 

     His first piece of luck was in finding the locking studs that allowed him to turn his manned-missile off afterburner, meaning it was now manageable.  Keeping a wary eye open for an RAF Comet that had taken off seconds before him, he decided to try and land the Lightning.

The gruesome possibility

     Hmmm.  Eleven tons of jet aircraft, which he had never flown and certainly not landed before, at an approach speed of 120 miles per hour.  He thought, having read this in various pilot's logs  He tried one approach to the main runway, crossing his fingers that the control tower were on the case and had aborted any other aircraft's approach -

RAF Lyneham

     And we will callously abandon Taffy as he takes his life (and a big expensive bit of flying kit) in his hands.

Get Ready - Stand By - Okay - DEPLOY LYCRIC-SHREDDING PEDANTRY!

And today Conrad is focussing on - Lindisfarne, again.  It's okay, Mister Gabriel, you can come out from behind the sofa now - we may take on "Supper's Ready" next week.*

     No, today we tackle that immortal social commentary "Fog On The Tyne", which, for those of you unlucky enough to live beyond the shores of this sceptred isle, is a river in the North-East. 

Could a copper catch a crooked coffin maker

I am confident that the answer to this question is "Yes"
Could a copper comprehend

You rather seem to have a downer on the police.  Are you a criminal?
That a crooked coffin maker is just an undertaker who

Conrad is unsure quite how a funeral manager can be a criminal -
undertakes to be a friend

 - but then you'd know all about it, eh?

 

An Italian mobile coffin

 

 

'cause the fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine

Rest assured, sir, I have no designs on your fog
The fog on the Tyne is all mine

I told you, I don't want it!
The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine

YOU CAN KEEP YOUR DOG BUNS FOG!
The fog on the Tyne is all mine

On the other hand, if I did steal it, would it be mist?

Close enough

      Ha! Take that incisive satire, you aging Geordie hippies you <snaps fingers at them, breaks a nail, whimpers pathetically>

I was going to go on about Technetium here, except it's pretty dull stuff.  Mildly radioactive is as exciting as it gets.  It's not explosive nor poisonous.  Really, Technetium, you're letting the side down!

Wait, What?

Conrad  is very much one of those people in the office who hears all yet says little and who one day cracks and goes on a murderous rampage makes a cake.

     Thus I was listening to a colleague talk about "Riverdale", which appeared to be a variety of teen drama; that is, with a cast mainly consisting of teens and aimed at that very same audience.  Art?

A dark palette implies brooding drama, nicht war?

     I then simply had to go Google it, for more background information and yes, it's full of sex and murder and intrigue <long list of what appeals to the youth of today later> escaped psychotic mongooses.

     But - what's this?  It's based on the "Archie" comics?  <brain comes to jarring halt>.  Conrad has actual hands-on experience of the Archie comics, since they were sent to him as a callow youth by relatives living in South Canada.  They are about as dark and dangerous as a lettuce sandwich.  Art?

Veronica, Archie and Betty.

     Okay, this was the Sixties, when you couldn't present the sort of modern ghastly ghoulishness and seedy squalor that passes for entertainment in comic form today.  Still, "Archie" was squeaky clean; the comic equivalent of bubblegum.
     They even had a hit single, "Sugar Sugar", which is quite impressive for a bunch of people who don't actually exist.

A figment of your imagination

     Doubtless the drama series will try to make this a real thing, except it'll be a Norwegian Death Metal band, or similar.





*  Tee hee!