Shark Versus Crocodile

No, It's Not A Crappy Asylum Mockbuster
You know, Asylum, that very canny studio who put out (relartively) cheap films, whose titles chime with soon-to-be-released major Hollywood big budget features.  That way they ride the coat-tails of publicity without spending dollar one,* as with "Transmorphers" - which they calculated lots of people would confuse with "Transformers", except "Transmorphers" cost 1/150th of the other.

I rest my case

      Nor is it yet a pawky Sci-Fi Channel film with a lamentable plot, childish CGI and F-list has-been stars whom nobody on this side of the Atlantic has ever heard of. Art?

Bang on the money, Art.
(No Tazering for you today!)

     "Yes, yes, O White-Haired Wonder of Wit and Wisdom," I hear you cry.  "That's what it's not.  But tell us what it is!"
     Pausing only to narrow my eyes and ponder if that was flattery or sarcasm - the "Wit and Wonder" bit, there's no quibbling that I have white hair - I shall explicate 

<pause as your humble scribe heads into the kitchen to finish off the last tea in the pot>

     Whilst moving my eyes back and forth across the television screen yesteryon, what did I espy but an advert for a vacuum-cleaner.  Art?

This one

     As you know, Conrad ploughs a lonely furrow trying to rehabilitate the reputation of the shark, so I was a bit non-plussed by this.  Why on earth (or water) would one associate a device that hoovers with Carcharodon Carcharias?  Surely a whale would be a better analogous animal?
     Here an aside.  There is a film coming out this summer titled "The Meg", which is appropriate, since it features The Stath (Jason Statham to the rest of you).  Art?

You get the idea  

     Why does this thing have teeth, when it can clearly swallow anything whole?  Eh?  Let me guess - it's not scary enough without teeth.       I have a feeling that vacuum-cleaner's going to have it's work cut out, making sharks look good after we see The Stath turn The Meg into chum.
     Now, about the Crocodile of the title.  In that very same tranche of adverts, we saw some crusty old chap radiating believable bonhomie, going on about how wonderful his particular brand of garage doors were.  Their brand name?
     Crocodile.
     Art?

    
    You can see how one mirrors the other, can't you?  Well, I can't.  
     I suppose, if your beloved Crocodile door fell foul of the wind, and it's exterior became befouled with leaves and dust, you could wheel out your Shark to clean it off.  In this context we could describe that as "Shark sucking crocodile" and still be SFW.
     What next, I wonder.  A brand of ironing board called the "Weevil"?  Then, when it collapsed on you, it would be fine to shout at the "Evil Weevil".
     Now, time to give the motley a parachute and throw it out of the plane!**
More Of Crocodiles
Did you know that the debut album of Echo And The Bunnymen was called "Crocodiles"?  Being the hipster that I was, of course I purchased it immedieamently.  It has it's moments, but I think "Heaven Up Here" was a lot better.  Art?

CAUTION!  No crocodiles.

      And as the caption informs, there are no crocodiles to be seen anywhere on the cover.  I don't remember them featuring in any songs, either.
     For the next fearsome beast, called a Crocodile, I make no apologies.  I've mentioned it a few times already, but what the heck, Facebook also mentions tanks in that default description and so here we are, with the Churchill Crocodile.  Art?

Someone is about to have a very bad day.

     This horrid piece of kit towed a trailer full of jellied petrol, just to make sure they had enough for maximum roasting time.  Unsurprisingly, the Teutons, Norks and Chinese who encountered them (former in Europe, latter in Korea) hated them with a passion.

Finally -
It should be apparent by now that your humble scribe likes messing about with words and language, and to that end I present you with an enhanced version of that saying:

"See you later, alligator.

In a while, crocodile.

Or an interval, gavial"

     The gavial is the fish-eating species of crocodile native to India.  Art?

Snouty and pouty and My! what a big mouty***

*  Excuse the South Canadianism.  It seemed appropriate.
**  From quite high up.  That'll give it time to put the chute on.
***  Rhyming for 'mouth'