Yes! More Drivel! You Were Warned

I Was Going To Title This -
     "Read This Tomorrow" but then Ego nudged Conscience out of the way in the cause of greater traffic numbers.
     What spurred me to action was re-reading yesterday's blog about the weapons in Star Wars".  "Yes!" chortled Conrad.  "Photo-heavy, text-light, just what they deserve!"
     I then went in search of a suitable quote to begin things with, happening to pick up my edition of Doctor Who scripts for the Baker years 1974 to 1975.
     <Mister Hand feel obliged to warn about schmaltzy nostalgic references ahead, so you may want to go make a pot of tea>
     Is that Hand trying to sabotage my post?  Damn, I'd do away with him if we weren't attached at the wrist.

Conrad and Mister Hand have words

     Anyway, what I read reminded me of the trailer on BBC for the new Doctor (yes it was 40 years ago but Conrad - some things he remembers well).  The Brigadier was humphing and complaining, both of which he did very well, before the camera turned to the Doctor, looking at a squashed flower through a loupe.  To quote him:
     
DOCTOR WHO: Exactly.  And according to my estimation of the resistance to pressure of vegetable fibre, it was stepped  on by something that weighed a quarter of a ton.

     Now, bear in mind Tom's wonderful English, and that this was the first anyone had seen and heard him - Conrad was very intrigued.
     There is also a sheet of notepaper in book with a list of films to watch that Conrad still hasn't watched, and the heading "Aviation Weather Instrumental" and the rather disconcerting "French zombie vocab".  

Non Sequiteur.  These are sheets of longhand that Conrad <and Mister Hand> have typed up.  27 pages!

Star Wars Weapons
     Well over thirty years old, it's hard for the jaded youth of today with their streaming videos, Netflix, pirate torrents and DVD/Blu-Rays, to comprehend what a splash "Star Wars" made back in 1977.
     What's that?  You've never watched it?
     THE EXIT DOOR IS THAT WAY, SIR!
     Back to the weapons.  Conrad has never been allowed to own a firearm, which thousands of bad drivers have cause to be thankful for, but, Good Lord!  he knows a thing or two about recognising guns when he sees them.
     Now, Star Wars is set in a milieu thousands of years more advanced than your miserable human society; why, they have a reliable bus service!*  However, some of their technology is rather less sophisticated than it appears.  Take Han Solo's blaster:

Frightening in it's technical sophistication

     Conrad really doesn't give a veritable veeblefetzer whether Han fired first or not.  He does, however, recognise a broomhandle Mauser when he sees one:

Before and after, or, the naked gun.  And the dressed gun.

     The Mauser dates from before the Twentieth Century - 1896 actually. So what you see above is, literally, a dressed gun.

     Stormtrooper Weapons
     Any British squaddie from the 1960's onwards will have recognised the standard blaster carbine that the Imperial Stormtroopers use.

"ATTTEN-SHUN!  Call that a line, you horrible little shower? YOU! Why aren't your greaves polished to a high shine?"

     Although supposed to be a frighteningly advanced beam-energy weapon, it is in fact the humble British Sterling sub-machine gun, stock folded forward to lie underneath the barrel, with an 8-round magazine used, and a whacking big optical sight stuck on top.  Which might as well not be there - come on, have you ever seen ANY stormtrooper actually use that sight?

The Stormtroopers best friend.  Only male nicknames allowed; nothing girly.

A Sterling unfolded with magazine but without Gunsight, Useless, Mk, VI

  The stormtroopers have a couple of heavier weapons, blaster rifles, that are occasionally seen in shot:

White!  A splendid camouflage scheme for snow.  Snow.  Do you see any here?
Those rebels aren't going to have to try too hard.

     This, too, is an aged weapon, much used by Britain but invented by an American.  I give you the Lewis (machine) Gun:

A Lewis with all it's bits

Star Wars blaster rifle.  Hmm.  Deja Vu, anyone?

     To mock up this incredibly advanced weapon, the props people took off the bipod and removed the drum magazine.  And - er - that's it.

     Let us look at another blaster rifle:

"He's behind you!" "Oh no he isn't" "Oh yes he is!"
Seconds later he was mushed

     This particular weapon is actually a German MG34, dating from, yes, you guessed, 1934.  The ammunition belts or cans have been removed, although it avoids the indignity of the Lewis Gun and still retains it's bipod.

MG34 with characteristic peculiar butt.  No laughing at the back there!

Heavy Blaster Rifle, with characteristic peculiar butt.  No - hang on  -  

     Having managed this, Conrad might have to go back to watch the films again as a Firearms Pedant and note what has been dressed to look like what.  I know! To you, that would constitute Cruel And Unusual Punishment, but then you are only human.

     And so ends todays second post.  Treasure this for tomorrow, gentle reader.