The World Cup Exists

Apparently "Wold Crup" Was Incorrect :(
     That'll teach foolish old Conrad to read properly.  He only discovered that there is a "World Cup" taking place when Dave* mentioned it in passing, about it being in Brazil and between England and various other nations, which is when Conrad remarked about the remarkable coincidence that the Wold Crup was taking place in Brazil as - and then the other shoe dropped.

Knurled Cup.  Close enough

I Know Why The Tanked Goldfish Swims
     (With apologies to Maya Angelou**).
     Conrad's hilarious nickname for his workplace is "The Electric Goldfish Bowl", and today he felt like a goldfish inside a bowl, thanks to the weather.

     This building is designed without windows that open, which is good, because a view like that creates a certain withering of the soul and a dispensation to mimic the lemming.

"Serried"
     Ah, now, Conrad knows what you're thinking***, but he's been bitten once too often to attempt any education over this word.  It means "to be arranged in ranks, to be positioned closely together", and one of the cliches about it is said of clouds, enabling Conrad to use the same photo twice with no apologies, tee hee

     You can't not think of the word "serried" here, can you?  It comes from the French "serre", just FYI.  Next time you get soaked, blame the serried ranks of clouds, which is far more poetical than simply moaning about "the effing weather".

"War Over The Trenches"
     By E R Hooton.  Conrad is certainly enjoying this book.  It studies the development of military aviation on the Western Front from 1916 onwards amongst all the major players, and is founded on an absolute ton of statistical data mined out of national archives by Mr Hooton.  Military aviation is a new field for Conrad, and this volume firmly establishes the complicated and reciprocal relationship between air warfare and the land battles.
     It has occasional anecdotes, such as the fact that a prone German officer was run over by a British aircraft in March 1918, it was flying so low ...

Apologies to Darling Daughter
     Conrad immediately leapt to the wrong conclusion when he saw this in the bathroom:

No!  Not mint-flavoured tripe

     "Good lord aloft, young Sal's soiled the towel with her green hair-dye!"
     Sal denied the charge, and offered the following in evidence:

Don't worry, this ferocious towel is now safely dead

     Not only that, she pointed out that the only person to use anything of a verdant hue was Conrad himself, with his body wash -
     Ahem!  Moving swiftly along ...

Study Of Old Grey Git^ With Puppeh
     During yesterday's romp in the park with Edna, Conrad did a rubbish job of catching her.  Here he is, catching his breath (a much easier task) after as much as twenty seconds of exercise:

"Help!  It's licking my hand!" shrieked brave Conrad

     Edna didn't pace herself.  Oh no.  With her it was 100 mph from the start, until she ran out of puff ten minutes later:

She's either panting or blowing raspberries at puny humans

And Now A Word From Auntie
     This isn't current affairs - it's SCIENCE!  
     Look at this headline:
     "Male faces evolved to take punches"
     As evidence they post a proto-hominid face:

The leathery brown battered features of a - no, hang on a minute - no, wait, that's really quite accurate

     "Rats regret bad decisions" 
      - says study.

"Spreading bubonic plague - okay, I admit it, not a hobby that makes friends."

*  Dave the Didact; a man with a mission - educate Conrad about football!
** "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings"
***  Watch out, DARPA are trialling a prototype "Encephaloscope" any day now
^  Grey?  You wish!  White is closer to the truth, matey <courtesy of Mister Hand>