- but that's for work. Today, being on leave, Conrad chose to go there, in order to see "Edge of Tomorrow". I already had a bus pass, so transport costs weren't an issue, and being an employee of <cough cough > meant I got to use my discount card, so the entry was only £5. Not bad. And because matey and girlfriend were taking ages to choose their five-course meal at the popcorn counter, I didn't bother waiting for popcorn. So cheap trip to the pictures, indeed.
Skysport advert
Skysport were patting themselves on the back with how clever and amusing they were, about some dismal sports package they put together that went through Conrad's thought processes without registering what it was. Football? Cricket? Rugby? All three plus pelota and hurling? Conrad has no idea. They also paraded a smirking David Beckham, but were wise enough not to let him speak, and he had on a suit so his chavvy tattooes didn't show.
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| One for the ladies. Sorry he has so many clothes on. |
There was another advert about a car, which once again didn't register at all with Conrad, as he recognised the music - definitely Chemical Brothers, possibly from "We are the night" and which he strained to positively identify, which is probably not what the ad makers intended.
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| We are the night, it was a car, is all I can say |
The Trailers
If Conrad has to sit through these, then he can at least pass on his received wisdom as to what they were like.
"Utopia2" - actually a Channel 4 series, rather than a film, and it looked interesting. Darling Daughter says that Utopia 1 was very good, so once again Conrad may have to have a nosey and see how accurate she is.
| The colour of Utopia is gamboge, apparently |
"Dawn of the Planet of the Apes": Conrad not a big fan or the originals, the television series or the animation. But he did enjoy the recent remake, and this trailer built to a climax with things exploding, Gary Oldman chewing the carpet and chimpanzees leaping aggressively. It telegraphed a bit much of the plot, perhaps, yet it still commands attention
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| "Git orff moi land" |
"The Inbetweeners": an unenlightening clip with a car and a bonfire in the outback. Conrad's interest is not inbetween, it's right over at the "I hate it already" option.
Crap trailer, therefore no picture
"How To Train Your Dragon 2": this has to be a fairy story as it has millions of dragons in it, when we know historically that exactly 0 existed. Sorry to stamp and rain on your parade, gentle reader, but you can fight the truth.
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| A metal hair band from the 80's? No! They're from Dragonball Z. Close enough |
"Transformers: Age of Extinction": Gone is Shia, and that Fox girl, and John Turturro. Now we have Mark Wahlberg, and Stanley Tucci. There might have been a love interest in there, but it's hard to tell amidst all the gigantic robots belting the snot out of each other.
| Those last 9 words above are the entire plot, honest. |
"Into The Storm": can be summed up in two words: weather-porn.
| A Tornado |
"The Boxtrolls": Trolls. In boxes. Animated.
Conrad can't be bothered with a picture for this.
The Main Event - Edge of Tomorrow
Well, Conrad liked it. It had lots of explosions, which, in his opinion, always enhances a film. If Bergman had wanted a wider audience, he should have blown things up. You can't go wrong with a big bang.
| If you don't like Tom Cruise, watch this film. He dies hundreds of times! |
Conrad does have a query - why are the aliens called "Mimics"? They don't mimic anything, except perhaps the metallic squids in "The Matrix".
A Civilised Sit In The Bit-Beside
The weather being what it was, your humble scribe took his Marmite and stale bread outside to consume. Very nice; a glass of mango juice, a few strawberries and a flat nectarine and toasted bagel with cream cheese.
* Again!
