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Friday, 27 January 2023

Fiction

No!  Not The Album By The Comsat Angels

Although it's an excellent album, and you will get to hear it being played on a loop on International Comsat Angels Day when I take over.  Art!


     I was walking past a record shop in Amsterdam when I heard what definitely sounded like the Comsats, except it wasn't a song I recognised, so I went inside and Hay Pesto! 'Fiction' had just been released, so I bought it.  Remember, this is the Eighties when CDs were just a gleam in an engineer's eye, so Conrad had to travel back home with a fragile vinyl record a foot square.

     CAUTION!  MAY CONTAIN POLITICS!

     ANYWAY I was referring, more generally, to fictional things as in things made up.  There is a chapter in Jon Sopel's entertaining and illuminating memoir "If Only They Didn't Speak English" where he and his cameraman were travelling back to the BBC offices in a cab.  This is in 2016 after Trump became Prez.  And in the political background you have these people.  Art!


     The Clintons, lest you be unaware.  The cabbie's radio was tuned in to a 'news' station, which breathlessly reported that the Clintons had taken their stolen $1.8 billion fortune and sent it abroad already, either to a Swiss bank account or a tax haven in the Bahamas.  They had chartered a jet to flee the country ahead of the FBI, the IRS and the DEA.  Their residence at <checks spelling> Chappaqua was due to be raided by a task force so they were getting out of the country before the writ was executed.  Their charter was going to head to Qatar in the Gulf, since it had no extradition treaty with South Canada, where they could bask in the sun and enjoy their purloined wealth, probably in a luxury suite of the Bourj Khalifa*.  Art!

Doha, Qatar

     Fascinating stuff!

     Yet completely untrue.

     The thing is, a lot of Ice Cream Bandit supporters hated the Clintons, especially Hilary, so much that their thought-processes short-circuited and went from Hearing immediately to Believing.  This isn't unique, the Wizard Lizard Gizzard supporters had previously suffered from what was hilariously dubbed 'Bush Derangement Syndrome'.  They lapped up this stuff about Hilary.  

     Interestingly enough, when Trump was merely Citizen Trump and on the campaign trail, he brayed ceaselessly about how he was going to send Hilary to jail, and a meme 'LOCK HER UP!' circulated, until he became Prez Trump and the whole theme was quietly dropped.  Gosh, one wonders why!  Art!


      Well, one can guess why in light of that judge awarding $937,000 in legal sanctions against (now) Citizen Trump and his lawyer Alina Habba - who seems to have gotten her appointment with Trump based solely on looks not ability - for mounting frivolous and vexatious legal cases:  No Basis In Law.

     O and an interesting aside from Jon's book.  Prez Obama invited an experienced political operator, Jim Messina, to go for a swim whilst on holiday in Hawaii.  This is not an offer you can politely refuse, even if you can't swim.  Off they went, so Prez Obama could ask Jim to run his forthcoming campaign.

     Jim was distracted by a cloud of bubbles coming up underneath them, and asked what was going on.

     "Oh, that.  It's from the Secret Service divers underneath me in case I start to drown."

     Hmmmm indeed on occasion truth is stranger than fiction.

     Hmmmm well do you know that wasn't the Intro I was expecting to write.  Ah, what it is to be a creative genius!


Remember The 'American Star'?

The ship that gradually fell apart, not Clint Eastwood.  She had a long and interesting career from the very beginning, because she started her service in August 1940, whilst the Second Unpleasantness was raging in Europe.  To ensure that nobody mistook her for a British or French vessel, the South Canadian flag was emblazoned on both sides of her hull, and she ran at night with all lights burning, for only a ship with a guilty conscience would skulk in the dark.  Art!


     Also of note was the fact that two Teuton spies were aboard, Franz Stigler and Erwin Siegler, who carried out liaison between other Teuton agents and generally reported back any naval or troop movements they became aware of.  Both were kicked off the ship when it was acquired by the South Canadian Navy, and both were arrested, tried, convicted and sentenced in December of 1941.

     There's more, lots of it, but I'll keep it in reserve.


A Smidgeon Of Sophistication

Yes, we are back on the subject of Korean architecture, in this case dating back to the seventh century and the Punhwang Temple; once again translation conventions differ here and I note that it's 'Bunhwang' on teh Interwebz.  This may be why I couldn't find 'Chongnim Temple Pagoda' - I'll try it tomorrow with a 'J' instead of a 'Ch' and see what comes up.  Art!


    Sorry, no pictures with puny humans present to give a sense of scale.  Just judge by the dimensions of the doorways.

     It was constructed in 634 AD, so it's pretty hale for a structure that old.  Being made of stone not wood has advantages, clearly.  A small number of worshippers still use it; back in the day it was one of the four most important temples during the Silla era.


"The Sea Of Sand"

The intrepid band of survivors have now shown their hand by killing two of the repellent bio-vores, so the enemy know they are present.

‘Attenzione!’ warned Capriccio, pointing down the lane between the supply stacks.  ‘Doctor Smith, get under cover immediately!’

Having used up his petrol, the Doctor had little choice.  He feinted to the left, then dived to the right, a dart plucking at his sleeve as he did so.  Hiding behind a collection of oil drums, he ducked as the sound of gunfire bounced around the pyramids of supplies.  Tam and the Sergente seemed to be having trouble keeping their enemy at bay, until a deeper weapon began firing, going through dozens of rounds.  It seemed to be coming from further to the east, behind the attacking bio-vores.  A Bren gun, the type of light machine gun that Lieutenant Llewellyn carried.

‘Ahoy!  Enemy dealt with!’ came the young officer’s voice.

All three men emerged from cover, to see Roger standing atop a pyramid of crates, switching magazines on the machine gun he cradled.  He waved and pointed to the bodies of three bio-vores below his perch, riddled by gunfire.

‘Thought I could gain a better perspective and look down on them,’ he said.  ‘I kept a sharp eye out, up on that pile, and there don’t seem to be any more of them.’

‘That one, the one that took a petrol bath, it’s still alive,’ said Tam, pointing with the muzzle of his tommy-gun.

     Not for long, matey, not for long!


Finally -

Time to get this dog and pony show on the road, for I wish to hie me hence to Sainsbo's, as my supply of their knock-off reduced salt Marmite has run out.  I may also pop into the Oxfam bookshop, for they had an interesting selection there last I was in.  I may also have a look at their World Foods section to see if there are any possible Korean ingredients present.  Just so you know.  Art!

NOT LIKE MARMITE AT ALL IN ANY WAY


Yes it had been built by then, I checked.  Conrad is thorough.

Thursday, 26 January 2023

Technical Sunday

I Shall Explicate

Yesterday was my first day off, of four, effectively making it a Saturday.  NO IT IS NOT STILL SATURDAY.  I have decided - because I am the important one here - that today is Sunday.  Put up with it. So, as it's a Sunday, and I've already posted a new blog, this one is going to be all about links.  This means it takes mere minutes to create - unless Your Humble Scribe makes the mistake of reading old posts - although we still need a click-baity picture to ensnare passing viewers.  Art! - and no slobbering pictures of a young Angela Lansbury not wearing a lot.  Even if it's classy.  Especially if it's classy.


     SHE PLAYS PIANO YOU DISGUSTING PERVERTS.

2022

BOOJUM!: How To Make Jam (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2021

BOOJUM!: Why We Should Fear Mel Brooks (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2020

BOOJUM!: Empire Of The Census (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2019

BOOJUM!: How Very Arous-ing (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

Ooops.  I stopped to read.  Mara Corday was HOT!

2018

BOOJUM!: Is There A House In The Doctor? (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2017

BOOJUM!: The Soft White Underworld-Belly (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2016

BOOJUM!: Service has Been Resumed. Hoorah. (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2015

BOOJUM!: Quickly! Keep Up As I Type (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

2014

BOOJUM!: Hello Mister Weekend! (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)










Another Tale Of Corporate Cretinocracy

I Know That's Not A Word

If it makes it into the next edition of the Collins Concise Dictionary I want royalties, though.

     Office parties.  Conrad does his best to remain silent and sober at these events, because in vino veritas, and you can collect invaluable blackmail material be embarrassed if you blurt out that you think a colleague more resembles a land-travelling whale than a Hom. Sap. revealing truths better left unsaid.  Art!

No, I have no idea either

     Sooooo.  Our Original Poster was leaving one such party venue when he noticed an extremely drunk female co-worker making hard work of walking and remaining upright.  Being a well-raised gentleman he called her an Uber - cancel that, he requested her an Uber - as the previous sounds like a land-travelling whale imprecation, only for Very Drunk Lady to vomit as the car approached the kerb. Mister Uber - we shall assume maleness here so don't get all PC on me - didn't stop and thus OP offered VDL a lift home.  Art!

Our hero

     No good turn goes unpunished, of course, because a month later OP is called into a meeting with HR and his manager.  They ask him what happened after the party?  Baffled, OP cannot think of anything (Conrad's retort would have been along the lines of 'None of your effing business') until he remembers the lift he gave VDL.  He's then suspended whilst they 'investigate'.

     Not being dim and recognising a set-up when he sees one, OP hires a lawyer.  They discover that HR and OP's boss had also interviewed VDL, asking all sorts of leading questions in a blatant attempt to drop OP into it.  Art!

Yeah, into a pit of

     The lawyer is a savvy chap and subpoenas CCTV footage from the club venue, which arrives and which OP realises is censored, with part of the image being blocked out.  Lawyer does his lawyer-y stuff and they get the complete footage, which shows OP's manager lurking in frame.  No sooner have OP and VDL left than Conniving Manager is on the phone to someone, and he then bullies another co-worker to complain about OP to HR (sorry if this is beginning to look like Attack Of The Acronyms).

     It transpires that VDL is the ex-wife of CM's golf-partner, who was the person CM was calling, and whom expected CM to move heaven and earth to punish the pair of travellers.  Plot twist!


     What CM didn't know was that OP had internal cameras in his car., which recorded the whole uneventful journey.  OP then contacts the owner of the business and informs him of what's been going on.  The owner is, predictably, livid, and vows to carry out an investigation of his own.

     A little disappointingly, that's where the tale ends as OP was under advisement from his lawyer not to reveal anything more.  However, the owner did hint broadly that heads were going to roll and it's 100 to 1 that both CM and the co-worker who called in the complaint were fired.  Dashcam-mounted justice and proof that golf messes up your mind.

     Heh!


Lord Peter's Crossword

Don't whine, it doesn't become you.  Look at all the lessons you're getting in classical literature and the Bible!  All part of BOOJUM!s mission to educate you, one factoid at a time*.

     So, for the 'clue': "Long since, at Nature's call, they let it drop, Thoughtlessly thoughtful for next year's crop (5)"

     And the solution is GUANO.

     It makes sense in retrospect.  Incidentally, in "Doctor No" the novel, the titular doctor is killed when Our James drops a couple of tons of guano on him, since Crab Key exports the stuff as a fertiliser, which is why Ol' Dot mentions 'crop'.  Just thought you'd like to know.  Art!

Crab Key.  Because guano is uncouth


Conrad: Still Seething, In Case You  Were Wondering

Yes, I like to take my righteous rancour out for a walk every now and then.  Of course - obviously!- we are talking about Codewords here.  Honestly, I show a little mercy in not Remote Nuclear Detonating compilers for a few weeks and how do they respond?  By taking the mickey.  Here's why.

"EXCERTED": Well-read as I am, Conrad had never heard of this word before.  Note, it is not EXERTED.  Let me resort to my trusty Collins Concise.  Hmmmm nothing there.  O well, Google it is.   Hmmmm still nothing.  Conrad is beginning to wonder if this was a spelling mistake.  Art!

Why not?

"INVEIGHS": Conrad is the only person he knows who uses this word.  It baffled Janice, who is from Cameroon, and whom has an excellent English vocab.  It means to speak in an offensive manner, so imagine BOOJUM! being read aloud to First Bus staff about how abysmal their pubic service is.  Art!


"CHINTZ": This is something to do with fashion, isn't it?  That's about all Conrad knows, as he has the fashion sense of a breeze-block.  Let me consult the CC again.  Hmmm, interesting: "a printed, patterened cotton fabric, with glazed finish".  It comes from the Hindi 'Chint', meaning 'Gaily-coloured.'  Art!



"The Sea Of Sand"

Our intrepid human band are sneaking back into the seemingly-abandoned supply depot at Mersa Martuba, only to encounter a bio-vore sentry ...

Tam whirled around, dropping to one knee, and emtpied a whole magazine into the bio-vore.  The massive creature reeled under the impact of dozens of bullets, dropping it’s gun, finally crashing to the ground.

          Silently witnessing the death of the bio-vore, the Doctor looked around but failed to see Lieutenant Llewellyn.  Tam and Sergente Capriccio were reloading and taking cover.

 ‘Any others will come to investigate!’ warned the Doctor.      Zing! went a missile by his head, close enough to make his curls shake.  The object thudded into a crate nearby, leaving no doubt that it possessed enough velocity to kill.

Pretending to be hit, the Doctor dropped limply to the ground, suffering uncomfortable bruising from the stones lying there.  His plan was to allow the bio-vore to get close enough –

‘It’s killed Doctor Smith!’ shouted Tam.  A scrunching footstep warned the possum-playing Doctor that his assailant was nearly upon him.  Peering beneath half-closed eyelids, he saw the torso of a bio-vore loom close.  Sitting up, he threw the contents of his jam-jar at the alien.

Petrol splashed everywhere, including back onto the Doctor.  Most of the liquid assault ended up on the bio-vore, which froze in horrified astonishment for a moment before shrieking loudly, running in a circle and collapsing like a toppled tree.

‘Lord alive, I thought you’d copped it!’ exclaimed a surprised and pleased Tam.

     That makes two of us, Tam!  It would have been a sadly-shortened fan-fic if that were the case, mind.


Finally -

We did have bright blue skies overhead when I began this blog.  No longer.  The clouds have rolled in and sunshine is a distant memory.  Just as I like to take my righteous rancour for a walk, so too do I enjoy taking Edna for a trot - and she's just turned up whiffling across the carpet for any carelessly dropped food - as there are no distractions and my mind can both wander and wonder at the same time.  If I'm taking her it ought to be soon as you can bet it will rain later.




*  In addition to tearing First Bus a new one.

Wednesday, 25 January 2023

Star Wracks

No!  This Is Not The Same As Today's Earlier Post

You're not paying attention, are you?  Firstly, you lucky people are getting two posts today because it's the kind-of equivalent of Saturday, except last Saturday and the Saturday I was working, so only a single post, which has tanked the traffic figures somewhat.  Art!


     I'm putting this one up in order to entice passing traffic into paying attention, and also as an apology for mistakenly getting the second word in the title wrong, which would have referred to a cooking ingredient used in baking and lining tins.  Art!


     This particular episode is regularly voted one of the top 10 by ST fans, as it covers a topic that was embryonic in 1968 when it was made, yet which is a genuine and pressing concern right now.  Also,

SOCKING GREAT SPOILERS AHEAD I REPEAT DOCKING GREAT SPOILERS AHEAD YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

     I won't explain the whole plot; suffice it to say that the 'Enterprise' is ordered back to a Star Base in order to begin trials of a new computer system, the M5, which is going to be installed aboard the starship.  The idea is that it can function better than a live crew.  It's creator is one Richard Daystrom.  Art!

Daystrom to port

     Having a black actor in the role of a scientific genius wasn't quite novel, but it certainly wasn't common.  He sees to the installation of M5, which does indeed run the ship more efficiently, to the point that Commodore Wesley, in charge of both Star Base and a flotilla of starships, mocks Captain Kirk as being obsolete.  Art!

Commodore Robert Wesley.
Splendid first name!

     Running a series of exercises, the Enterprise beats a tag-team of two other heavy cruisers, the Excalibur and the Lexington.  Art!

ART!

     O - wait a minute - yes, he's technically correct.  This was a British 'Cruiser' tank, described as a 'Heavy Cruiser' and it really is quite imposing if you  see it in the f

     ANYWAY the next tactical drill goes CATASTROPHICALLY wrong.  M5 engages and damages the Lexington, before completely destroying the Excalibur, and also prevents any kind of outgoing communication.  Wesley, with the Potemkin and Hood, has to assume that the Enterprise, under Kirk, is now rogue and must be destroyed.

     Ooo-err Matron!  Art, give us a shot of M5.


     In terms of production design, this thing is a marvel of minimalism, which is a good choice, because it won't look dated within a year or a decade.  We of today, who are used to Sinister Software Stuffed Within The Devil's Digital Devices, know that infinite evils can lurk within a seemingly innocuous black box.  This very simplistic design allows viewers to imagine all the horribly-advanced technology whirring away within.  Thumbs up, chaps!

     Why is M5 behaving so wilfully?  I thought you'd never ask!  Because, as Daystrom admits, it has his own encephalographic engrams used as part of the operating system, and Daystrom is beginning to crack under the accumulating evidence of M5 being psychotic.  He does get medically restrained.  Art!


     In a way, he's a tragic figure rather than an evil one, enduring what the Greeks called 'Hubris' and being felled by his own ambition.  It takes Kirk, using cold hard logic, to make M5 admit to the error of it's ways, and it effectively commits suicide, crippling the Enterprise.  Here you see one of the dilemmas about Artificial Intelligence - how can you give a piece of software a moral compass and a conscience?  Also, what happens when you take humans out of the decision loop?  These questions are even more pertinent in the 21st century than they were in the 20th.

     This is all very poetic, but there remain two starships out there getting ready to destroy the Enterprise.  Which is still incommunicado.

     Kirk then gambles: he is aware that his ship is completely vulnerable, without power or shields, yet there is no attack, because Wesley, you know, a HUMAN BEING NOT A COMPUTER, takes the compassionate view.  An AI directing the surviving flotilla members would not have hesitated to vapourise the Enterprise, cutting the series rather short.  Art!

The Lexington cops it

     I say 'Wracks' in the title because - reaching a little here - Commodore Wesley is indirectly responsible for this mess, so he should be wracked with guilt.


     Wow, that was a Pontificate of an Intro!  Sorry, I had no idea it would be that long.  That's what happens when one builds up a head of creative steam.


"Shazam"

NO!  Not the film - which is actually pretty hilarious - nor yet the cartoon series that used to feature on "The Banana Splits Show" and which I bet none of you whippersnappers out there, young or getting-into-their-thirties-so-not-young-any-longer-and-who-are-you-trying-to-fool, are familar with.  Art!


     If only this app had been around 20 years ago.

     ANYWAY we have been forbidden to use our mobile phones in the office, which stricture Conrad has ignored, since L, the head honcho, hasn't been in recently, and I have thus been able to use the app to identify music tracks.  Art!


     Thus I have discovered that the banging dance track with a killer guitar riff is actually "Feel So Close" by Calvin Harris, which surprised me no end.  It really is a corker, go Youtube it if you doubt my musical discernment.

     We will come back to this.  O yes indeed.


"The Sea Of Sand"

Our gallant band of survivors is now venturing into the apparently abandoned supply dump, but they haven't survived this far by being slow, unobservant or trusting. 

Roger decided that the so-called aliens really were monsters.  Only a bunch of monsters could kill a score of civvies like that, even if they were only Arabs.  He didn’t trust the nomadic tribes, who stole anything not watched or nailed down and who supported whichever side was nearest.  Still and all, as Doctor Smith pointed out, they had been humans.

          Leaving the Sahariana behind, they approached the depot on foot, unhappily aware that the sands might turn to molten glass at any second.  The Doctor considered it unlikely, given that they were such a small group. He made a small detour to investigate an unpleasant suspicion, before being hissed back into the line by Roger.

          Creeping slowly closer, they smelt the stink of petrol and diesel fumes.  A haze obscured the marching stacks of piled supplies, the results of last night’s fires.

          Sergente Capriccio encountered a sentry first.  The Italian, with long experience of Spain and Libya behind him, remained crouched behind a crate when Tam moved forward and into the open lane between stacks. 

          A great towering alien broke from cover ahead of the Sergente, who nearly exclaimed in surprise.  The ungainly monster levelled a weapon at the back of Tam Mickleborough.  Sergente Capriccio levelled his own weapon, a Beretta sub-machine gun, and fired first, three bursts.

     Gosh, there's another mention of a mysterious Something out in the desert sands.  I wonder what it could be?


Finally -

Conrad has already mentioned Simon Stalenhag's "The Electric State" both recently as an overview of the art-work and much earlier with images gleaned from a website doing a critique.  He also wondered how much it cost, because a large-format hardback like that can clear out your weekly shopping bill.  Hmmmmm what do I find on Abebooks?  Art!


     Conrad is tempted ...





Star Wrecks

I Know What You're Thinking

No!  This is not a riff on that cult Sixties sci-fi series "Star Trek", which I have mistakenly called "Star Trex" in the past, until it was pointed out to me that Trex is actually a brand of cooking lard.  I blame the title font, it's quite confusing.  Art!



     Okay, we needed two pictures to qualify for the plural in today's title.  What you see above is the cautionary sight of the USS 'Constellation'; the upper image is the CGI enhanced version and the one below is from the original series, and Conrad knows which he prefers.  This is one of my favourite episodes of the series and sh

     ANYWAY there we go again, off-topic as ever about what this isn't.  Don't worry, we'll be coming back to this one again O yes indeed.  You see, Conrad came across a fascinating thread on Quora triggered by the question "What happens to abandoned ships?".

       Often they're abandoned because they're sinking, and after being abandoned they go all the way and sink, and that's an end to them unless you go poking around with a Remotely Operated Submersible.  Art!


     Some, on the other hand, get swept onto reefs or ashore, and if they're not too inaccessible one can chart their gradual disintegration.

     Hence we come to the 'American Star' and that's where today's title comes from.  Let us see her in pristine form.  Art!


     To say this ship had a long and varied career is to understate wildly.  Even if we only outlined it, it would take up the whole of today's and tomorrow's blog.  We may come back to this, it depends how I feel.

     She was laid-down as the SS 'America' in 1939, but was re-named 'American Star' prior to being towed from the Med to Thailand.  The Egyptians were leery of allowing her through the Suez Canal, as this is 1993 we're talking about, so she would have to be towed via the Cape.

     Alas, it was not to be.  In January of 1994, amidst a storm, she had to be abandoned by the towing tugs, and consequently ran ashore on Fuerta Ventura, one of the Canary Islands.

     Here she is later in 1994.  Art!

All photgraphs courtesy Michael Burden @ Quora

     The ship had been broken in two by the action of the sea just aft of the second funnel, which is why it looks a tad distorted above.  I say 'second funnel' and you'll just have to trust me on this.

     In 1998 the whole of the severed stern section collapsed into the sea, leaving only the bow section above the waves.  Art!


     This photo is from six years later, showing the effects of corrosion and a slight list to port.  In  2005, one year after this picture was taken, the port side of this section collapsed, leading to an markedly increased list and the funnel went overboard, too.  Art!


     In 2007 the starboard side collapsed and the whole thing fell into the sea - or what was left of it.  Because it also broke in two, the only thing now visible is the bow, and that only at low tide.  Art!


     I found Michael's photo-essay fascinating, and proof that you scoff at the sea at your own peril.

     Motley! <he said with a stern expression>  come and take a bow.


Talking Of The Bottom Of The Ocean

Your Humble Scribe is sitting in his Sekrit Layr, typing these words of wit, wisdom, wonder and whimsy, and idly looked out of the window.

     Yuck.   Art!


     The view from The Mansion.  Note the pot of that drink that cheers yet not inebriates, which you need in depressing weather like this.  This must be what the 'American Star' feels like.


Good Lord Aloft!

As you should surely know by now, Conrad is a greedy rascal who thinks with his stomach.  Wonder Wifey thinks laying an ambush for me would be easy: just bait it with a cheese sandwich.  Art!


     This monstrous Giant Breakfast Baguette costs £23 and comes loaded with: "
sausages, bacon, eggs, beans, black pudding, mushrooms, hash browns"

     It looks to be a yard long.  The kicker is, if you can down it in 45 minutes then it's free.  45minutes?  More like 45 hours!  You could cut it into five pieces and have it for breakfast every day of the working week, which works out at £4.60 per morning.

     Conrad is tempted.  However, "Meg's Grill And Chilli" lives in the far distant North-East where they speak funny.  It's a van, so there is a faint possibility of it hieing itself over the Pennines.


"The Sea Of Sand"

Our gallant band of survivors have come across the scene of a muted massacre, an Arab caravan destroyed by the bio-vores.

‘Yeah – well – everyone call’s ‘em – well, anyway,’ replied Tam weakly.  That Doctor Smith didn’t raise his voice yet it still felt like being slapped about the face with a cactus.  A blush brighter and hotter than the mid-day sun came to the stolid soldiers’ face.

          ‘What were they going south for?’ he asked, trying to change the subject.  ‘That’d take them near the depot.’

          ‘Tam’s right,’ added Roger.  ‘The Arabs have enough sense to keep well away from any soldiers.’

          The Doctor stared at the sand and gravel beyond the massacre scene and wondered, too.  Out there, a hundred yards away, an object had stood in the sand, he could just discern the outline -

          ‘No sign of any beasties from the north, either,’ said Roger, scanning the depot with his binoculars.  ‘I can’t believe they left the whole site unguarded.’

          ‘There are probably sentries posted further inside,’ warned the Doctor.

          ‘Good!’ said Tam, patting a liberated tommy-gun. 

          ‘Be careful,’ said the Doctor with emphasis.  ‘They carry hand-held stun guns and a dart-throwing gun every bit as deadly at short range as your firearms.’

          After what Sarah explained about the bio-vore’s reaction when she threw petrol over it, the Doctor had armed himself with a jam-jar full of petrol, turning down the offer of a rifle or pistol or a Bren gun.

         O my, I wonder what that outline could have been that interested the Doctor so intently?


Just Trust

Ah, First Bus.  If they'd been in charge of NATO we'd all be speaking Russian by now.  Your Humble Scribe's Tuesday trip to work saw the sadly-not-unusual sight of three 409s travelling in a pack for safety, meaning one was 20 minutes late, one was 10 minutes late and one was (gasp!) on time.

     I did try to get photographic evidence of this annoying event and - well, I shall let Art take the blame.


     Squint a bit and use your imagination and you can see all three of the bumbletucks.

     My revenge was excoriating - I didn't say 'Thank you' to the driver as I got off.  Heh.  That'll teach them!


Finally -

Hmmmm as I have gloatingly related already, today is one of my four days off, so I'm not in the Footasylum office.  This seems like a good idea, because I've just noticed a sidebar newsline on the BBC website, which states:

Microsoft working to end Outlook and Teams outage around world

     Get to it, Microsoft!  Mend things before I go back!




Monday, 23 January 2023

Actually, The Drugs DO Work

Sometimes Far Too Well

We'll get into that in a little while, you unspeakable degenerates.  Firstly, Conrad was playing his i-pod in the office, because he HATES THE YOUNG PEOPLE'S MUSIC WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND SUPERNOVAE as you should surely realise by now.

     And one of the CDs was The Chemical Brothers "We Are The Night", and they have the pretty awesome track "The Pills Won't Help You Now" upon said platter, which Conrad played twice because he likes it that much.  Art!


     Someone has been watching "Pan's Labyrinth" too many times, and don't ask me what this scary-ass moofer is supposed to be - hang on -

     Influenced by "Lonely Metropolitan" an artwork by Herbert Bayer, whom I've never heard of.  Art!


     Hmmmm so Guillermo Del Toro has a touch of plagiarism to his name, hmmm?  Speaking of which, when WATN was re-released, it was minus the Herbert Bayer - er - 'homage', possibly because lawyers got involved.  Art!


     If anything this is even more baffling, as it s

     ANYWAY that title made me remember an old click-baity BOOJUM! with the title of "THE D RUGS DON'T WORK" which only works if it's in upper case, and lo! and behold, here's a link to it:

BOOJUM!: THE D RUGS DON'T WORK (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

      You'd better follow that link and read it, because it took ages to find.

    ANYWAY AGAIN what immediately came to mind was a chemical cocktail that we've mentioned before in BOOJUM! but not for a while now, so I think it's time to go round again.  Art!

A gift of a name

     This is the commercial and non-prescription wonder drug that fuelled first the Teuton civilian population, and then the Wehrmacht.  It was everywhere and you could even get Pervitin chocolates.  The Pervitin Panzergrenadiers used it to attack Poland, Scandinavia, the Low Countries and France, Greece and the Sinister Union.  The Teuton high - no pun intended - command loved it because it increased aggression, diminished hunger and eliminated tiredness, ensuring that Teuton soldiers took it by the fistful.
    Commercially, it was Pervitin.  
    Chemically, it was methylamphetamine.
     Yes, crystal meth.  Produced in pure tablet form with no impurities or adulterants by the million.  What could possibly go wrong?  Art!

     Next day would come the dreaded come-down, frequently fended off by necking more Pervitin.  Gradually, the Teuton high command realised that Pervitin was horribly addictive and that the side-effects included acute paranoia and homicidal rage.  The latter of which is fine when fighting the enemy yet considerably unwanted when it comes to your own side.  In high doses it killed people.
     So, very much in the sense of The Pills Won't Help You Now, Pervitin use came to a screeching halt.  Art!

    That's Alan Moorehead sitting down, and Alexander Clifford in the background, war reporters both of 'em.  I seem to remember Al reporting on some British soldiers finding Pervitin on the body of a dead Teuton, and one Tommy was careless enough to take a tablet or two.  Within minutes he was a frothing maniac desperate to kill, proving that, indeed the drugs do work.
      Was it on Crete?  I can't remember and it might be in the long and detailed "Desert Trilogy" and whilst Conrad loves his readers, he doesn't love them that much.


Another Attempt To Be Sophisticated

No harm in trying, is there?  Yes, another look at Late Medieval Korean architecture SIT BACK DOWN! it is interesting.  Art!


     This is Anapchi Lake, an artificially-created water feature, and do you know, there's an episode of "Kingdom" that looks as it was shot here when it was frozen over.

     It was created in the late seventh century - so more Middle Medieval - as part of a palace complex and was popular with local wildlife.

     With the fall of the Silla state, the lake was effectively abandoned until 1974, when it was drained and archaeologists went over it with magnifying glasses, recovering tons of artefacts.  It's now part of a national park and is popular with tourists.

     There!  You see, we can be high-brow when we try.  We just don't like to put the effort in very often.


"The Sea Of Sand"

Our gallant band of survivors have found the scene of a bio-vore attack on a Tuareg caravan, behaviour that steels the Doctor about his decision to create an atomic bomb.

Sergente Capriccio joined the Doctor, picking up a long metal tube that dangled a trigger mechanism.  A rifle, with all the wooden fittings destroyed.  Next  were a pair of toy-like slippers, rotted and decayed by centuries of wear.

          A shiver utterly out of place in the baking mid-day heat ran down Tam’s back.  He watched the burly Italian sergeant pick up a child’s toy, stare at it for a second and then drop the item, wiping his hands against his tunic.  Lieutenant Llewellyn’s foot stirred tiny clinking beads strung together, which he recognised as ear-rings, hastily moving off the sands.

          ‘I would guess that the bio-vores carried out an interception here,’ stated the Doctor.

          ‘Women and kids, mind,’ added Tam.  Then he added a great deal of cursing.

          Femme et bambini,’ agreed Capriccio, gnashing his teeth.  A stream of voluble and emphatic Italian followed.

          The Doctor felt any doubts concerning the imminent destruction of the bio-vores receding.  To attack and kill soldiers was one thing, to attack unarmed civilian non-combatants and slaughter them en masse, that was another thing entirely.

          ‘So you think the wogs ran into the nose-goblins?’ asked Tam of the Doctor.  ‘And got killed for their pains?’

          Roger saw an emotional shutter fall over the Doctor’s face.

     Tam!  Tam. man, you're going to encounter trouble in about five seconds flat.


O Wow.  You Wouldn't Believe This Sideline

We began our blog with an Intro about drugs, legal ones.  What did I espy on the BBC website?  The following title:

Jared O'Mara: MP made fake expense claims to fund cocaine use, court told

     


     That, people, is serendipity.  NO!  Not the sci-fi show about Brownshirts - or was it Browncoats?  Brown blazers?  Brown Nike Gilets?  

     ANYWAY matey here tried to scam local government out of £30,000 because he wanted to buy lots of illegal drugs with it.  Greedy oaf!  Those are MY taxes you're defrauding with, you royal cocaine paine.  Actually the Mara in "The Weirdstone Of Brisingamen" are also horribly unspeakable creatures, so he's in good company.


I Love A Good Bang

NO SNIGGERING AT THE BACK!  I just came across a short on Youtube about the 'Daisy Cutter' bomb, which was a monstrously large bomb of the Vietnam era.  In fact it was so large that no conventional fighter-bomber could carry it and it needed to be dropped from either transport aircraft or helicopters.  Art!


     Note puny humans for scale.  This thing weighed about seven tons and was intended to clear jungle in Vietnam, which it did with extreme prejudice.  Art!

"We make the jungle go away"\

     They saw their last use in the liberation of Kuwait, where they were used to basically scare the living daylights out of Iraqi infantry.  Some SAS patrols were skulking around where they weren't supposed to be and witnessed one of these going off.  Art!


     Immediate radio message goes back to HQ: "Sir, the lads have nuked Kuwait!"