If You Must
What you need to understand is that Conrad has a habit of accumulating things like Bookmarks, Favourites and images cropped from teh Interwebz, and then hoarding them like a miser with coins or a collector with books. So! Of late I've been trying to get rid of this electronic detritus, which has informed the blog somewhat, in order to prove that I can stop buying books stop expanding these e-notes. Art!
I thought the four grim-faced commandoes (novel written under a pseudonym for Arthur Catherall) would be more appealing than a screenshot of Favourites.
The one I shall eventually concentrate on begins 'Malicious Compliance Want Me To Pro-' , which is an abbreviated version of the following:
r/Maliciouscompliance Want Me to Prove Your Kid's a Bully? OK!
but before we get anywhere near that I am going to take what seems like a willlld tangent. Enter Jake Broe from the Youtube channel 'Jake Broe'. Jake started his vlog with a report on the current Ukrainian drone campaign against Mordorvia SIT BACK DOWN THIS IS RELEVANT! Art?
Those little green dots are Wildberries logistics hubs, which Ukraine has been absolutely malleting of late. The ones outside Barad Dur and Saint Petersbug have already been given a dose of doom, being either partially or completely demolished. Art!
Art!
Sorry, he got confused with the ending of "The Quiet Earth".
You can appreciate the panoramic splendour of this shot taken from an aircraft - daringly aloft during hostile drone activity - which reveals how far away these burning warehouses are visible from.
No mention of any of this on Ruffian media at all. If you relied on them for information you'd think nothing untoward was happening.
The fires are even more impressive from worms-eye view at ground level. Art!
Hmmmmm, suddenly the 'Special Military Operation' that was a thousand kilometres away is now camping, like a filthy rabid dog, on your doorstep. O dearie me. Art!
Wow, Mordorvia now has TWO Mount Dooms!
Not that you'd ever know from Solovyov or Skabeeva, they don't report unpleasant things THAT PEOPLE CAN SEE WITH THEIR OWN EYES. It's almost as if they think if it's not reported then it doesn't exist.
On a side note, people have been wondering why the Kozaky have been destroying the orc equivalent of Amazon. One reason is that the Ruffian army either doesn't equip it's men properly or with sub-standard kit, so Wildberries has been the go-to agency for supplying orcs with forks. Art!
QED. All this kit has suddenly vanished from the website, how surprisingly!
Jake put forward the calculation that all this destruction has inflicted $2 billions - dollars not rubles - on the Ruffian economy and left 40,000 orcs without gainful employment, and has been a very apparent and immediate shock to the residents of Mordorvia; unlike sanctions, Wildfireberries burning down occurs in real time and right in front of the ex-employees.
Once again, no mention on Ruffian media of all these jobless orcs who are now liable to be hoovered up into the SMO, despite all the video clips of the miserable masses evacuating. Art!
Whoever posts these clips is going to vanish as soon as the clips do. Can't have you contradicting the official dictum of Nothing Is Happening!
Art!
What you see here, gentle reader, is the offspring of Satan. Our narrator of the next tale, Teacher Of ThirTeen Years, hereafter TOTTY, stated that on occasion she had to deal with pupils akin to the above, particularly Spawn Of Satan, hereafter SOS. This particular reprobate became a bully with itchy palms, suspected of stealing items, but with no security cameras in classrooms there was no proof. Mama and Papa were called in many times, whereupon Mama denied her little darling ever did anything wrong: which couldn't be disproved thanks to no security camera footage. If I Didn't See It Then It Didn't Happen, as per Solovyov et al. Art!
Mama
Reading between the lines, the school administration were expecting even more trouble from SOS, since they installed cameras in the rooms he was taking classes in, without notifying anyone. Mama also insisted on being called or e-mailed in the utterly hypothetical instance of SOS committing a crime.
Cue malicious compliance from TOTTY, whom led the teachers response to SOS being a complete bottomhole. Mama got up to 15 e-mails per day for ten weeks, despite complaining about this electronic barrage. After all, she'd requested it, hadn't she? Art!
Then SOS tried to assault TOTTY with a chair, in full view of the classroom camera, and was restrained by other pupils and staff. This led to yet another meeting with Mama and Papa, where Mama once again stated If I Didn't See It Then It Didn't Happen.
Cue camera footage.
SOS was expelled, fined and got a criminal record. Justice!
Nor is that all. Apparently Papa had been kept in the dark about just how badly behaved SOS was, along with many other things in the marriage, which lead inexorably to a -
Divorce!
I love a happy ending.
More Ungentle Shoeing
Not the usual suspects today. No, today I am focussing the frothing nitric ire of BOOJUM! upon one of the Tate brothers, a pair of ne'er-do-wells whom like to big themselves up on teh Interwebz, and who fled Romania after being investigated by the police there and who then fled This Sceptred Isle because they were being investigated by the police - see a theme emerging? Art!
This is Andrew, who usually wears sunglasses to conceal how goat-like his features are. The South Canadians have incarcerated both brothers prefatory to extraditing them to Perfidious Albion, and Andy was bleating about this. Art!
'No contact with the outside world' - apart from being able to send messages via your mobile?
The internet populace has not been kind to them, and is resounding with ribald mockery, full of concern for the poor cannibal, the poor dear.
Conrad would not be surprised if this pair of sex offenders vamoose off to Mordorvia if they get the chance, the Ruffians not being very fussy about whom they let in to stay. Art!
Not the rock-hard image he likes to portray, hmmmm?
Behemoth Bulldozers Of Barsoom
That has a nice alliterative ring to it, nicht wahr? The images might not be exactly of 'bulldozers', quite, and I only used the name 'Barsoom' because it began with 'B' since the background is pretty definitively not the Mars of Edgar R. Burroughs. ANYWAY another of Angus McKie's artworks. Art!
From that spacecraft flitting by in the atmosphere, I can tell that it's the 'Hooded Ghost' and that this is probably a book cover for the author Brian Stableford. Allow me to dig a little -
When Spinning Was Not Winning
We have mentioned the hideously dangerous centrifuge as part of an Intro, and put up an illo as proof of how major a muck they can make. This item concerns a practical example of a numpty interacting with a centrifuge, and it ending badly. Art!
Technically it was an ultracentrifuge, which can have a rotor speed of 100,000 revolutions per minute, meaning that by the time you've counted 'One -' it's already done 555 revolutions. These things are anchored into the floor with enormous bolts to prevent any unwanted 'walking' but there are limits to the shear strength they can sustain.
As with Nigel the Numpty. He loaded the rotor asymmetrically, meaning that the rotor spun out of alignment within seconds, then destroyed itself and the spindle it spun upon, getting punched out of the stout steel walls of the ultracentrifuge chamber, which are armoured against this kind of accident. Up to a point.
The rotor continued going through the wall of the lab building and across several hundred yards of car park. By the grace of the good lord aloft nobody was injured. Our narrator doesn't mention what happened to Nigel, although I see a firing in his future, as well as potential criminal charges for negligence and a gap in his CV where he cannot mention this employer. Art!
That was an accident where the centrifuge walls were not breached. Luckily for anyone in the vicinity.
Watch Out, Agatha
Yes, I can totally see the Enid Blyton of crime fiction getting taxed until the pips squeak. Just leave Lord Peter Wimsey alone, or there'll be trouble.
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