First Of All
We need to lay down a definition, because Conrad loves establishing a baseline, and there are multiple interpretations of the word 'Weeds'. First of all, let me emphasise that we are NOT referring to the illegal marijuana, which young people smoke in 'reefers' and which causes insanity, confusion with grammar and male pattern baldness (it says here). Nor are we referring to 'Sussex Weeds', which I'd never heard of before; the phrase is an allusion to oak trees, which grow profusely in Sussex. Art!
Made of oak.
Nor yet the 'Sacred Weed', an old nickname for tobacco, which has of late rather fallen from grace, what with magic smoke flutes et al.
Enough shilly-shallying. Bring out the Collins Concise Dictionary!
"Weed: any plant that grows wild and profusely, especially one that grows amongst cultivated plants." They also mention marijuana BUT ENOUGH ABOUT DRUGS. WHICH ARE BAD, just to be clear. Art!
Here an aside. You might call Triffids 'Walking Weeds', because if they were immobile they'd be a lot less dangerous. That image above comes from the BBC series and is the best adaptation so far, well beyond the film or later mini-series.
What Conrad notes is that the means of dealing with the Walking weeds are all pretty kinetic; there are anti-triffid guns, that fire a spinning razor-edged disk, designed to decapitate a Triffid. Bill the hero destroys one with a garden fork, and despatches another with a double-barrelled shotgun. Fire, as per flamethrowers, is the only thing Triffids 'fear'. Where is the anti-Triffid herbicide that affects them and them alone? Or just general spraying of Agent Orange? A plot hole, there, John my friend.
ANYWAY Conrad was thinking hard on his walk into Lesser Sodom this morning, en route to his eye test, wondering what else he could stuff the Intro with, that accorded with the theme of 'Weeds'. Art!
This was lyricist Peter Gabriel's spoof, homage or satire inspired by "The Day Of The Triffids", and we've covered it before, except it was years ago, so you'll have forgotten all about it by now. I'm going to put up some lyrics, because that's a cheating way to up the Word Count.
Ol' Pete is laying on the poetic licence here, for the Hogweed does not gambol across the hillsides, being kind of, you know, static.
Art!
Hogweed with puny human for scale
The thing about removing a foreign plant species from it's native habitat, is that when transposed to a new country, the usual checks and balances that kept it under control are no longer present. Thus the Giant Hogweed has spread up and down the UK.
Quite the most worrying aspect of them is entirely factual, which Ol' Pete kind of glosses over:
- Touching giant hogweed can cause severe and long-lasting skin damage
The unfortunate in this picture will have extensive scarring and photosensitive dermatitis for years to come, thanks to coming into contact with the plant or, especially, the sap, which is more like mustard gas than maple syrup. We here in The Allotment Of Eden take our Heracleum Mantigazziani very seriously, as evinced by the people needed to get rid of it.
PCA (Property Care Association) Invasive Weed Control Group
Invasive Non-Native Specialists Association
The British Association of Landscape Industries (BALI)
Trustmark Government Endorsed Standards
Ol' Pete takes the opposite approach to Ol' John, bemoaning that -
They're not flameproof, you lightweight whinger, and a boilersuit with a motorbike helmet would allow you to machete them into matchsticks. Art!
Reading the synopsis, Conrad cannot see where any unwanted plants invading a cultivated environment appear. Perhaps it's a metaphor? All about ex-cons trying to make a living by writing and performing plays, with limited success. It sounds bleak, but the cast is a wowser. Art!
Never heard of this one before. It ran for 6 seasons, so some of you are responsible and yes, it's to do with marijuana AGAIN! WHAT DID I SAY! A suburban housewife becomes a dealer in marijuana to preserve her lifestyle after her husband dies. Ah, but, it's not heroin or crystal meth, so that makes it okay. Or something. Art!
Do not adjust your channel. No, you are not having an episode, this is "Bill And Ben The Flowerpot Men", whose dialogue, if I remember correctly, is composed of 'Flobadob'. They were a big hit in the Sixties, when sentient creatures made out of terra cotta were treated as perfectly normal. The reason I include this in our Intro is 'Little Weed' in the middle, whom was a talking, reasoning flower. Benevolent, though, so not in the same mould as either Hoggy or Triffy.
That's enough of weeds for one Intro.
Be Careful Who You Bite, They May Have The Bigger Teeth
Conrad has to wonder at the state of mind of those in South Canada who break into other people's houses, because the chance of that homeowner being armed is exceedingly high, especially in states like Texas, where (I think) it's against the law to not have a gun about you. Art!
In the 'Karma' Youtube stories, there was a succinct one about a high school bully who got married. Surprise! he turned over a new leaf, and -
No, only seeing if you were paying attention. He remained exactly the same, and was divorced over his domestic violence. Ex-wife moves on with life, establishes a relationship with a new male partner, moves in with them.
This seems to have triggered the bully, who broke into their new home, for reasons never made clear, except he wasn't delivering a birthday card. Surprise! the new boyfriend was waiting for him with a gun and shot him dead.
He got off scot-free without any charges being laid. The bully was unavailable for comment. Art!
Texan with his daughter's sweet sixteen birthday presents?
Belarney The Carney
I know Mark is now the Prez of British America, but I refer you to a Tweet I made about him pre-political phase. Here's the Tweet:
Carney has a Master's and a Doctorate in Economics, and although a Canadian national, was appointed head of the Bank Of England in 2013, where he served for 7 years. Trump can walk upstairs unaided 67% of the time.
Quite a few people liked this. In fact one, 'Iamundertow' came back with a Reply to my original Tweet.
"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"
We are now well into the year 1943, when things began to get progressively worse for the Axis and consequently better for the Allies. Art!
So, mainland Italy had been invaded, and by September 9th they were trying to switch sides, meaning another front for the Teutons to take over and worry about. They managed to disarm most Italian army units successfully, but then had to take over in the Balkans, which had previously been primarily an Italian theatre. Their only qualified success was in penning the Salerno beachhead and preventing it from expanding. Meanwhile the 8th Army was moving north from both the toe and heel of Italy, against little more than rearguard actions.
Points And Laughs
Ho ho ho. The Ketamine Kid has not had a good month so far. He lost the war of spats against the Toxic Tangerine Toad, and had to make a grovelling apology. This makes no odds, Donold Judas Trump is done with him and they are never going to be even acquaintances. Art!
Gosh, what could possibly go wrong with a moron wielding a chainsaw onstage as a corporate brand leader!
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