Conrad's Punnery Strikes Again
You have to say it aloud, and slur it a little, so it then sounds like 'Meet Your Maker', which is a phrase defined in my "Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable" as 'To die. One's maker is God. The expression, which dates from the 1930s, is also used frivolously of the destruction of something.'
We are most certainly going to be focussing on destruction in this Intro, and an awful lot of people are going to be meeting their maker, for - Art!
I'm afraid the poster for 'Meteor' is a whole lot more exciting than the film itself, which I have seen and remember nothing of. The title is a misnomer, as the meteor in question is sent on it's merry Earth-impacting way thanks to being hit by a comet, and how does Hom. Sap. seek to remedy this meteor impact? Why, by hitting it with a swarm of missiles mounting nuclear warheads. Art!
Which, thanks to Plot Armour, just so happen to be mounted on orbital launch platforms in Earth orbit which can be re-oriented. Phew!
This film came out in 1979 and was not terribly successful. Which did not stop other film-makers from having a go on similarly-themed films, including 'Deep Impact', which graced our screens in 1998. Art!
This is the spacecraft 'Messiah' touching down on comet Wolf-Biederman and gives you an idea of how big this whopper is. Inevitably their plan to destroy or deflect with nukes goes awry, and they are forced into desperate expedients to try and save at least a significant proportion of Hom. Sap. Art!
This is the smaller portion of the comet that they didn't manage to destroy, and which makes oceanfall in the Atlantic off the North Carolina coast. Sorry, NC, I know you've had it rough recently in real life.
One astronomical buzzkiller criticised the picture to port above, stating that the comet fragment passing that close to ground level would have incinerated all the people below it. Maybe so, yet is this a documentary? No. No, it is not.
Also released in 1998 was the far sillier 'Armageddon', which is what happens when you amass monkeys with typewriters to create a plot. Art!
Because it's a Michael Bay film the Dog Buns! thing is swamped in orange filter shots and groups walking toward the camera in slow mo, yes even when on Earth under one gravity. Art!
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| Dottie the killer |
One cannot help feel that a name with more gravitas could have been chosen.
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| When Harry nuked Dottie |
So the Earth is saved, bar the places hit pre-mission, such as Paris.
Given the current South Canadian administration, the bumbling ineptitude, corruption and ignorance of Prez Orleans' government is not impossible.
As Maggie points out, doing this would smack of desperation, yet it might be the only way to prevent an impact if there is limited time for resolution. Don't forget, YR4 is (!) only a city-buster sized asteroid, not an Extinction Level Event one. She models the insertion of a nuclear warhead into the body of the asteroid before being triggered, and Conrad suspects that there would have to be human supervision of both placing and detonation. You wouldn't trust a mobile phone to have the ability to make snap judgements about a 150 megaton fusion bomb, would you? Art!
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| Before and after |
The danger here is that the nuke might split the asteroid apart, not merely deflect it, and this is a real possibility given that asteroid compositions vary from solid chunks of iron to loosely-collated rubbish. In which case said nuke would very definitely be a 'meteor maker'. There you go, a rationale for today's title.
All the above is the relatively simple and straightforward heavy metal part of asteroid deflection, because before we get there, a whole maze of administration and politics needs to be negotiated. Which is too long and dry to post here, so again BOOJUM! will be returning to this subject in the near future. I bet you can hardly wait.
"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"
This publication is now dealing with the aftermath of the Teuton surrender in Europe, as well as the ongoing war in the Far East, which had not diminished in intensity simply because the Third Reich had been destroyed. Art!
The text is too fuzzy to read, so allow me to elucidate. This is an Ocker soldier, an Australian if we're being formal, at the Aitape sector of New Guinea, where the Ockers had been fighting since 1942. The Aitape sector had been held by Japanese who fought literally to the death, and whose positions needed to be flame-throwered in order to end their fighting ability. Art!
"Gallipoli And The Anzacs"
If you were awake and paying attention, then you'll know this is one of the four DVDs that Alba Home Video cobbled together in time for the 2014 centenary of the First Unpleasantness breaking out. They spent all of £0.37 on the slip case containing all four, and I mentioned this one specifically because it was made by Turks. Having watched it, Conrad can say that it's pretty even-handed and yes, it even mentions the French.
It's actually a re-packaging of a 2005 Turkish film called "The Gallipoli Experience". Art!
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| As spelled in the original Turkish |
Conrad realised it was not new, not in any way, because when they put up a series of talking heads, they all looked impossibly young. Art!
So, this is them as they were 20 years ago. Art!
Liverpool punks Those Naughty Lumps, featuring Peter on vocals. Yes, every word true. I shall let you pick him out in these pictures 45 years apart.
Well Well Well, Look Which Destroyed Roman City It Is Again
This, frankly, is a bit high-brow for the Express. Conrad uncharitably suspects one of their journalists was on holiday in Italy, went to Pompeii and saw a recent excavation, then bothered their sub-editor until the latter shrugged and said 'It's a slow news week, go ahead.'
O Delicious Schadenfreude!
'Twould seem that two British ballfoot teams recently took part in a match in Europe, which was of sufficient import for the BBC to open Have Your Say on their sports webpages. Art!
You should surely know by now that Conrad doesn't give a fig about who wins what, I just enjoy reading all the creative venom that the fans pour forth, which also has the benefit of upping the Word Count. Art!
Onion_Salad
22:00 21 May
Dys
22:03 21 May
Comments, you see, are monitored, and any that include real swears are deleted, so people have to be inventive about invective. I love it!
Finally -
Tomorrow sees the unbottling and sampling of my home-made sauerkraut!
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