You May Not Be Aware Of This Phrase's Origin
So, Conrad is going to tell you. Art!
Please note the subtle italicised emphasis on 'wise'
Yes, it's from that charming comedy "Dad's Army" and would be spoken by Sergeant Wilson when his superior officer in Walmington-on-Sea's Home Guard, Captain Mainwaring, would come up with another 'wheeze' that challenged common sense, logic or general military efficiency. All three, on occasions.
As with the fictional HG unit, so it is with real-life ones. Since the dawn of recorded history and military units, senior Non-Commissioned Officers have had the onerous task of diplomatically informing their wet-behind-the-ears unit officer that their Brilliant Idea is, in fact, incredibly fatuous and should be dropped like a red-hot coal. WBTE officers who do not pay attention to these gentle 'recommendations' do not prosper. Art!
Pay attention, this is relevant later
Thus, it behoves any manager in any business enterprise to stop and pay attention - very close attention - to one of their technical staff who asks for the Brilliant Idea to be put down in writing, or as an e-mail, or in any other methodology that leaves an audit trail. Because they are carrying out that phenomenon that, too, goes back to the dawn of recorded history: Cover Your Bottom.
To establish the background to this story, be aware that the teller was a Quality Control Head,hereafter QCH, at a company that made car transmission parts for a major South Canadian car maker, whom we shall call 'River Crossing Manageable By Foot'. His daily schedule consisted of testing parts to ensure compliance with spec and functionality. Parts that failed testing were sent back and underwent remedial machining. Art!
Testing testing
All went well for QCH's first year until the Chief Executive Officer and Plant Manager - hereafter Bottomhole #1 and Bottomhole #2 - approached him and instructed that this testing for spec and function was going to stop.
QCH realised Something Was Up, because 1) any major change in process like this had to be reviewed and authorised by River Crossing Manageable By Foot, and 2) A change in work instructions and procedure like this had to be removed from the paper file of how to operate, updated, reviewed, approved and only then replaced.
"It'll be fine!" brayed BH#1 and BH#2. "Just do it!"
One has to assume that they thought the quality assurance and auditing process was merely an expensive bottleneck, one they could get rid of with minimal consequences. Art!
Costs would drop, the bottom line would increase and they'd both get a bonus.
Perhaps, IF the QA failure rate was at a value like 3%. QCH knew it was closer to 30%, so he took immediate CYB action, creating an official document that absolved him from all blame in defective parts, then getting BH#1 and BH#2 to both sign it, which they did without bothering to read it, then getting it notarized as well. Thorough chap.
"What can possibly go wrong?" I hear you quibble. PATIENCE!
Within a month, the number of faulty parts being returned from River Crossing Manageable By Foot had ballooned, so reps from River Crossing Manageable By Foot walked around the plant and, inevitably, noticed no part testing was taking place.
Cue a meeting QCH was called to, constituting the River Crossing Manageable By Foot bigwigs, and BH#1 and BH#2. Who lied about ever telling him to stop testing. Foolish Bottomholes, for QCH had come armed with the document they had both signed, agreeing that he was totally blameless and that they had told him to stop testing. Art!
He was asked to step outside, and as he passed the Plant Manager, handed them his 2 weeks notice, as QCH deemed the company doomed and he had another job already lined up to go to.
The company lost their contract with F - er, that is, with River Crossing Manageable By Foot, and were also sued for $3 million. They filed for Chapter Thirteen bankruptcy and closed down.
Annoyingly QCH didn't bother to check up on BH#1 or BH#2 or their fate. Conrad is pretty sure they'd be fired on the spot and maybe prosecuted, too, AND blackballed within the automotive industry.
Conrad Does More Detective Work
Unless you have the memory span of a goldfish with a lobotomy, you'll recall that Conrad has been re-reading 'Zenith Phase III, from the individual editions of '2000AD'. I was persistently troubled by an episode not in the 6-month run of comics, which I clearly remembered. Or did I? Had old age and gin befuddled my mind?
Not this time. By chance I read in a review of 'Zenith Phase II' that there was an epilogue in Prog 601. What's this? Why, it's the box of Progs that contains 601. Art!
 |
| There you are |
Allow me to add in the pages that I remembered. Art!
The poor charcoaled creature here is 'Jimmy Quick', whose escape from the Lloigor-afflicted Alternative 666 is detailed in the next Phase. He is a less-cartoony version of "Billy Whiz", with a different name because of copyright reasons, and was modelled on singer Jimmy Somerville.
Right, now I'm happier. Perhaps you are, too.
We Don't Often Post From The Battlefields Of Ukraine
If you want to see more ghastly images than you can imagine, go trawl Twitter. If you merely want information without the ghastly, go trawl Youtube.
I'm including this Snip because it defines a new moment in warfare. Art!
This is a Ruffian Su-30 jet, falling in flames after being blown up by a Ukrainian Magura V5 sea drone, which fired Surface to Air Missiles at it. Art!
Magura with puny human for scale
No, the Ukrainians don't release pictures of how their drones are armed. The Ruffians might like to know!
More ironically, the Su-30 had been sent off on an anti-drone patrol. Both aircrew survived after ejecting, except that the Ruffian Air-Sea Rescue service is now the Air-Sea Ignore service; they didn't dare send out an helicopter or patrol boat to rescue the pilots lest they be ambushed, too. A passing ship picked up the cold, wet pilots.
The Ukrainians shot down a Ruffian helicopter in December, so one presumes they sent out the jet as it was so much less vulnerable. Yet more expensive: $50 million gone to the bottom of the Black Sea.
'Scuse, just enjoying Marmite-flavoured Ridge Crisps.
I Can Explain This
As ever, I was trawling teh Interwebz and came across the following. Art!
Being careful and clever enough to plot and plan properly, thus never coming up on police radar nor one's work colleagues or relatives. Or, just live atop a pillar in the desert for 40 years, that'll do it, too.
More Detective Work
Yes, we are back to that collection of 4 DVDs that I dug out of the Picture Pile and have been describing. Art!
Hmmm why would this theatre get a disk all to itself? Why not the Eastern Front? (yes there was one in WW1) or the war in the Middle East as a whole, or Italy, or Salonika, or the war at sea? Art!
Interesting, so they have Turkish roots here in the first film? One wonders what the tale will be like, as the average Turkish infantryman was an illiterate peasant who left no memoirs or journals behind. Perhaps, as it's the opposition making this first film, the British won't be portrayed as Eeeevil And Stupid? You can count on the Ockers and Kiwis to boost themselves and do down the British, it's practically a legal requirement when talking about Gallipoli. I also wonder if they'll mention the French, who were also present at Gallipoli, a fact nobody seems to know except Your Humble Scribe.
Watching them both is an investment, the whole running time comes to 170 minutes and I still have to sort out those counters for 'Modern Battles'. Making steady progress to date, since you ask.
That's all for now, folks.
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