There I Was, Pondering
'How can I look clever and entice people in to read about what is, essentially, rather dry stuff?'
One way might be to lead with a click-bait picture of a charming young woman not wearing a lot bar brass lingerie, which used to work well for the pulp sci-fi magazines from the Thirties to the Fifties. We, however - first use of that word today - are made of more SFW principles than they were. Also, I tend to use them for the Sunday retrospective.
Then, whilst traversing a rabbit-hole, I can across fried gold. Art!
This is the Tropical Storm 'Ernesto' wreaking havoc in the Caribbean, a tropical storm being a variety of hurricane-wannabe, perhaps closer to 'British Summer Weather' if you like.
The shores of that island being battered? Saba. Which is the location of the Saba Banks, one of the biggest submarine atolls on the planet, itself part of the Caribbean Netherlands -
Wait, what? The Dutch have imperial holdings in the Caribbean? How long has this been going on! Art?
Conrad, with his patent mind like a skip, recalls a minor character from 'Star Wars' named "Wedge Antilles", whom en
ANYWAY the Saba Banks lie off the island itself, and are not infrequently hit by tropical storms and hurricanes, which ruffles them but gently, since they're underwater. Which is how we get the first iteration of today's title.
Art!
Whilst this is the second iteration of today's title, because we are returning to the never-ending and morbidly fascinating topic of the Ruffian economy, and how badly it's doing. More precisely, how increasingly badly it's doing. I am going to continue using annotations from "Jason Jay Smart", "Joe Blogs" and "Anna Komsa", the latter of whom put up a verrrry long Tweet on this subject. Art!
Any excuse
I had originally wondered about using 'A Perfect Storm' as a title, going for succinct after the lengthy "Lucy -" one. Then I wondered about working in a spiral, or - a helix. Here we are.
You see, the economy of Mordorvia is in an ever-ascending spiral. Prices go up, which drives wages up, debt increases, house prices accelerate, mortgages go up, all of which puts the entire economy at risk. The Stockholm School Of Economics reckons that "The Ruffian economy is highly vulnerable, and although relatively stable, is becoming increasingly precarious. There is opaque financing, distortionary resource allocation and a lack of financial buffers. Time is not on Modern-day Mordor's side." (Underlining shows where Conrad has amended original text). Art!
Elvira!
This is the head of the Ruffian Central Bank, the poor dear, whom has been told not to dare resign by Bunker Midget Grandad, so he can throw her under the bus when things go pear-shaped. The statistics that follow come directly from the RCB, not MI6 or DGSCE or the CIA's pet psychics.
So, the Ruffian government holds $2.2 trillion of assets, which sounds fine and dandy, except - you knew that word was coming - only $209 billion are liquid assets, or 9.5% according to the RCB. Why is this important? O I thought you'd never ask! Because the illiquid assets are in the form of long-term investment bonds that don't mature for a decade, or two decades, or three decades, so they cannot be used for emergencies. Art!
A healthy economy, as in one not at death's door knocking to come in with it already ajar, has between 20% to 30% in liquid assets. Thus there is no bank buffer if things go awry, which they are now doing. Or was it agley? For example, the technical term 'Consumer loan delinquencies' has risen to 22%, which means people who took out a loan and who aren't paying it back, As you might imagine, a bank lending money and then waving it a sorrowful goodbye is not good for business. Another RCB metric is that over 10% of those who took out loans are now more than 90 days overdue in repaying. Both these figures exceed those at the height of Covid. Art!
The reason this is BAD, in flashing neon letters ten feet tall, is that if public confidence tanks and people try to take their money out of banks en masse, THERE WON'T BE ENOUGH. Imagine trying to empty your account of ₽100,000, only to be told that you can have ₽5,000 and be grateful for it, before all withdrawals are banned. Ooops.
This is only that part of the iceberg which is visible. Art!
Despite data that remains opaque we can see that sanctions have created preconditions for the collapse of the Russian economy. Russia's war economy is shrinking, inflation is rising, interest rates are reaching 21%, & 40% of gov spending is devoted to the army.
I wonder what's going through his bonce right now.
"Remarkable! Who knew the Dutch retained their island possessions in the Caribbean! I wonder if they'll consider selling one I can retire to?"
Take That, Panda-man
Okayyyyy, let's focus a little invective upon Xi Jin-Ping, the emperor who rules The Populous Dictatorship. He gets off very lightly in the pages of BOOJUM! as he's neither orange-hued nor a homicidal maniac. Now, bear in mind that his first name is pronounced 'Chee'. Art!
This is the beloved giant panda of London Zoo, in the days before the Chinese changed their alphabet. Note the phonetic similarity.
You may not be aware, but Xi Xi is verrrry sensitive about his weight, and has been twitted about it by critics who mockingly call him "Winnie The Pooh" after the tubby version of same popularised by Disney. Beware, English teachers travelling to The Populous Dictatorship, for if you have any works by A A Milne, they may not make it past customs. Art!
Sorry but the AI Art Generator absolutely will not conjure up a werepanda with the head of Xi Jin Ping.
I Suspect The Advert Algorithm Knows It's Payday
Conrad has noticed a non-stop parade of Anderson adverts on Youtube, which, while losing their novelty after the fifth appearance within an hour, has at least displaced the non-stop parade of 'Tankfest' adverts.
Now the infection has spread to Facebook. Art!
Conrad has a plastic TB2 knocking around my Sekrit Layr, unseen these many years. It used to bark out phrases as spoken by Jeff Tracey, until the battery ran down. How much will this tableau as above cost one? Art!
Okay, that sounds reasonable (the squeaking noise you can hear in the background is my wallet). What's not so reasonable - Art!
It's Not Been A Good Week For Elong Tusk
Quick, a hankie for Elong! You may have noticed, or may not, as an absence is less impactful than a presence, that Kaptain Ketamine has been singularly absent from the high councils of politics at the White House. This will be meat and drink to those there who hate him, which is everyone, as the MAGA members of the administration all loathe each other and seek to do each other down, that they may gain favour in the eyes of the Great Tangerine Trout. Medieval courtier politics, doncha know.
ANYWAY ANYWAY Art!
This is the moment when Starship, launched from Starbase, began to fall apart, meaning that they will have to Start all over again. Ooops.
"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"
After the hostilities had ceased in Europe, there was a concerted effort to round up the senior Nazis and bring them to justice. If you recall yesteryon's photos, they featured a British Military Police checkpoint on the border between Italy and Austria, to ensure nobody whose collar needed feeling got away. Art!
In the photo at top port, under the watchful eye of a British soldier and his machine gun, are three of the top Teutons of the 'Flensburg administration', the political government that briefly ruled after Herr Schickelgruber unalived himself. They are Albert Speer, Admiral DΓΆnitz and Field Marshal Jodl, the last of whom was found guilty of war crimes and hung. To starboard are other administrators, hauled out of bed, being guarded by a Tommy with long bayonet fixed, enemy personnel terrifying, for the use of.
In the port inset is the cooling carcase of Heinrich Himmler, who used a cyanide capsule hidden in a tooth to also unalive himself. I have a memoir somewhere of one of the soldiers who was guarding him, who thought the poisoning might have been accidental. I guess we'll never know .....
The last photo might be titled "Why We Fight". This is the last hut of Belsen concentration camp being burned by the British liberators. Whilst there is no competition for Auschwitz being dubbed 'Anus Mundi', Belsen might well be called 'Anus Europa'.
And on that very sombre not we shall call it a day.
(Because we're almost at 1,600 words).
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