Bear With Me

Your Humble Scribe Had Plans

Involving baskets, thanks to a bus ride into Babylon-Lite (Oldham if we're being formal) this morning, where I stared out of the window, cogitating.  I had a theme, involving reference to my 'Brewer's', a couple of films, then economic mention of Mordorvia and a couple of other nations not doing terribly well financially at present.

     Well, that all went out of the window, faster than a Ruffian general falling foul of Putinpot, for Lo! I read the entry in my notebook dating from last night.  Art!

     I know what you're thinking - why has Conrad dragged out illos from his favouritest sci-fi film evah?  

In the final decade of the 21st century, men and women in rocket ships landed on the moon. By 2200 AD, they had reached the other planets of our solar system. Almost at once, there followed the discovery of hyperdrive, through which the speed of light was first attained, and later greatly surpassed.

     That's why.  This is the opening soliloquy for 'Forbidden Planet', made in 1956 before Sputnik had even been launched.  Note the gender-equality present, which is howlingly rare for films of this era, and one wonders why the United Planets Cruiser C-57D sports an all-male crew, be

     ANYWAY the key word above is 'Hyperdrive', which concept has been a staple of sci-fi since the Thirties, permitting Hom. Sap. to visit exotic alien worlds full of green-skinned females with a hankering for and view the wildlife.  Art!

Actually a species of intelligent plant?

     Her name is Clora Fill, one assumes.  

     ANYWAY ANYWAY back to Pink Floyd in their earliest iteration, where they were regulars at the 'U.F.O.' club in London, when their line-up was Syd Barrett (guitar, vocals, songwriting), Roger Waters (bass), Nick Mason (drums) and Rick Wright (keyboards).  Art!

     Their regular performances had created a cult following, as thanks to Syd's idiosyncratic tastes and interests, they were seen as being part of the 'space-rock' genre.  Conrad offers as evidence tracks such as 'Astronomy Dominé', 'Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Sun', 'Cirrus Minor' and the corker of them all, 'Interstellar Overdrive'.

Selling your car for more, made easy

     That's a link to the album track, which is unfortunately prefaced by an advert about buying or selling A Metal Box On Wheels.  Be warned, it's an instrumental over 9 minutes long, as psychedelic as Sixties music gets, so not to be taken lightly.  Art!

     Rather to Conrad's surprise, it has been extensively covered by other bands and musicians.  Yes, that is indeed Frank Zappa jamming with the Floyd live, doing a version of it at the Amougies music festival in Belgium, dateline 1969.

     So, Syd was implicitly referencing that corpus of sci-fi work going back thirty years, as described in FP's opening speech.  The beauty of it being an instrumental track is that you, the listener, make up the images in your own mind, meaning Syd didn't need to be limited by words.  Quite crafty, and one of the reasons why radio can be so successful when well done.  Art!

     Doing TKW as a film or, more likely, a television series, would be horribly expensive, requiring location shoots in the Caribbean and at sea in both Atlantic and Pacific.  Not so on radio!

     We seem to have gotten off-track somewhat.  Back we go to 'Interstellar Overdrive' and those who have covered it.

"Interstellar Overdrive" has been covered by many artists, including Teenage Fanclub^[55] and Kylesa.^[56]

• Camper Van Beethoven covered the song^[57] on their studio album Camper Van Beethoven.^[58]

     The piece has been covered by acts such as Tyrannosaurus Rex (jammed on bass by Steve Peregrin Took live in 1969), Pearl Jam, Camper Van Beethoven, Hawkwind, the Melvins, The Mars Volta, moe., and Simon House.

     Soooooo - bonkers prog-metal mathcore musos TMV did a cover?  I wasn't aware of this as it seems to be a song they only play live and which isn't on any of their studio albums.  A visit to Youtube is called for, I feel.  Art!

     I couldn't leave without putting up this illo, clearly making a case that Syd's estate should get royalties from their sales.

     Okay, Mister Brock, all ahead Wart Factor five!  Art?

The unusual juxtaposition of 'Hawkwind' and 'high'

Reasons To Be Chi-ful

Conrad is unsure if the blog is read at all in The Populous Dictatorship, and after comparing Xi Jin Ping to a panda, we're probably banned across all platforms, and anyone living there reading this will get 10 years in a 're-education' camp.

     ANYWAY AGAIN, I read another factoid that makes me like Ailuropoda Melanoleuca Man even less.  Art!

     For those of you wanting a sequel that sticks more closely to the episodic nature of the novel, tough.  Such a sequel would have involved a big budget, meaning it needed big box office returns, and guess what?  The Chinese market won't accept films centred around zombies or ghosts.  So WWZ2 was a non-starter thanks to that.  

"A Chinese Ghost Story"

Aren't I naughty, putting up this title and making Chi-Chi seethe in quiet rage,  Art!

      This actually came out of the Hong Kong film industry in 1987, so it predates the grouchy fat killjoy.  It was a whopping big success in Asia, especially South Korea and Japan, and gained underground cult status in The Populous Dictatorship.  Conrad has seen it several times, and it's a winning blend of comedy, drama and horror, with a very poignant ending.  The plot centres on the nerdy tax-collector Ning, who is a variety of 'Holy Fool'; that is to say, he is naive, but has a sound moral compass and spotless soul.  He falls for the ghost Nip, played by the very delicious Leslie Cheung - Art!

Les busy being not ugly

     Because these are Chinese ghosts, they appear to have a very solid and corporeal presence, Nip managing to save Ning's life on several occasions by physically intervening.

     It began a trend in Asian cinema for ghost films, and was successful enough to spawn a sequel, an animated version and a 2011 remake.  Go look it up on Youtube and make Pandaman froth with inchoate rage.  

"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"

Let us continue with the central pages montage, which is a collection of photographs from the beginning of the Second Unpleasantness, in chronological order.  Art!

     That ought to be 'Battle of the RIVER Plate' as otherwise it sounds like a skirmish throwing crockery at each other.  The 'Graf Spee' was a Teuton commerce raider, whose mission was to sink British merchant vessels, and to avoid combat wherever possible.  She was involved in an action at sea with three British cruisers, and retired hurt to the port of Montevideo.  Her captain feared that half the Royal Navy was due to arrive and turn 'hurt' into 'sunk', so the ship was scuttled.   Not the Kriegsmarine's finest moment.

Today's Haul

I WEAKENED.  Yes, during my visit to Bablyon-Lite, Your Humble Scribe ventured forth to the Oxfam bookshop, which I have taken pains to avoid over the past couple of months.  Art!

     I have Edition 1 of "Wargames Illustrated", simply because it was the first edition and may be worth a pound or two over the next fifty years.  The 'Biggles' book is one I may have read as a much smaller version of myself, I will only know once we get into the pages.  Illustrated, too.  "The Hundred Years War" will hopefully cover the Crecy campaign and that bridge the French tried to render unusable, because I still harbour hopes of bringing back an Intro on burning bridges.  Or at least vandalising them heavily.

     Conrad already has two other books to send to the charity shops, so the net total hasn't gone up by anything, and there are still 2 Jeff Carlson perused novels I want to palm off to Darling Daughter.

Finally -

Two things I got at Sainsbo's that I didn't anticipate were 'Kefir', which is a dairy product Ukrainian baking needs, and a Polish curd cheese, which the Ukes describe as 'Farmer's cheese' in their recipes.  Recipe attempts tomorrow!

A Reprise, Of Sorts

For Many Millions Of Musos -

Their first exposure to this word - I'm going to have to muster a definition here, aren't I? <weary sigh> okay okay, allow me to fire up the coffee machine and manifest an Americano first, and I'll sample a piece of the cornbread I made, too.

     Not bad, not bad, considering I've not made if for years.  The rec

     ANYWAY 'Reprise' comes from the Old French 'Rependre', meaning 'To take back', and is primarily used in music, meaning 'The repeating of an earlier theme'.  Art!

     Come on, you knew I'd slip one of their songs in here if possible.  As I mentioned above, to everyone except music teachers, this was a novel noun.

     "What is he banging on about now?" I hear you question.  "He can't have been at the gin, May is a dry month, so it must be dementia.  Or stupidity."

     You are almost correct, I plan to see in Friday the 30th of May in the evening with a can or two of Old Speckled Hen - stick a pin in that reference, we'll be coming back to it.

     I shall explicate.  Art!

     Yes, this is a scene from "The Boys", specifically from Episode 5 of Season 4, which goes by the title "Beware The Jabberwock, My Son".

     Here an aside.  Who wrote that nonsense poem "Jabberwocky"?  None other than Charles Dodgson, pen-name Lewis Carroll.  Who also wrote "The Hunting Of The Snark"?  Mister Dodgson again.  Where does the name "BOOJUM!" hail from?  Why, none other than THOTS.  I keep warning you, everything is linked to everything else.

     ANYWAY ANYWAY as you can see above, The Boys, along with Stan Edgar and Victoria Neumann, have turned up at Stan's distant and rarely-visited farm, way out in the boonies.  She had converted the basement into a virology lab, all the better to experiment on creating a virus that targeted and killed supes.  Art!

     Yes, we have abruptly changed tack, except not.  This is the 1985 comic 'Miracleman', featuring the titular superhuman.  What is that slavering beast in the background?  Well, if you're experimenting on methods to create superhumans, you test your product on lab animals first, and that used to be a dog, hence the title.

     All those who have come to investigate Stan's farming laboratory venture forth into the various environs on campus, seeking to find the missing staff.  They find chickens.  Except - Art!

     Not your average Rhode Island Red, I'm sure you'll agree.  I needed that second frame to demonstrate what bloody execution the ruthless clucker had inflicted, because the previous still isn't very well lit.  Now you know why I mentioned Old Speckled Hen, because in this case the chook is spattered with gore and guts.  Art!

     Broody befeathered bulletproof bantams bloodily bewildering Butcher.

     Where is the 'Reprise' here?  O I thought you'd never ask!

     Many years ago, in the early years of BOOJUM! which is almost a dozen years old now, and I never thought I'd type those words, we featured a set of incredibly dangerous animals, mostly so that Conrad could work out onomatopoeic names for them, which he found amusing even if nobody else did.  Art!

                                            

      Say hello to my great big friend, Tony The Ten-Ton Terror Toad, custom-bred in a CIA lab, next to a 409 bus for scale.  His modus operandi was quite simple; his handlers pointed him at a target and he sat on it.  Problem solved.  Art!

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     This is Frank The Ferociously Farting Frog.  He farts.  I know, I know, hardly a superpower, yet if you want to clear the Mordorvidian Embassy in order to crack their safe, you send in Frank.  Just be careful not to ignite a naked flame until you've properly aired the room, you'd look pretty silly minus your eyebrows.  Art!

An Old Clev - OMY GOD!  IT'S CLARISSA THE CANNIBAL COMBAT CHICKEN!
RUN!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

     Yes, you were laughing at me back in 2015, weren't you?  Who's laughing now, Redshirt Bodyguard with a hole the size of a dinner-plate through them?

     Conrad seems to recall that Clarissa had been bred along the lines of Tony, and was the size of a kangaroo.  I think the CIA scientists wanted her to be cheaper than a Belgian Malinois, with no urination problems.

     So.  Clearly, one of the suits involved in "The Boys" has more than a passing acquaintance with BOOJUM!  I shall continue to monitor the situation.

Terrifying In A Quiet Way

Hands, tentacles and other misc. appendages up who's heard of "The Necronomicon"?  For those unaware, it's the cod encyclopaedia invented by H. P. Lovecraft, supposedly created by the mad Arab Adbul Alhazred.  He invented it in the early Twenties, and other horror authors also mentioned it.

     In the Forties the author Manly Wade Wellman once jokingly asked an antiquarian bookseller if he had a copy of TN, and felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up when told 'Yes!'.  Thankfully matey couldn't find it and Manly didn't hang around for a more thorough search.  Art!

     That's Manly to starboard, and his excellent short story collection about 'Silver John' to port.  Well worth checking out and you can find it as a free PDF on teh Interwebz.

     What is all this the preamble to?  Bear with me.  For I was reading an item utterly unconnected with either 'The Boys' or South Canadian multinationals, and stumbled across this.  

I expect Russell Vought to take over the reins at Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency. Vought, the author of Project 2025, and Trump’s budget director in both his first and second terms, is an inside player who — unlike Musk — knows how to get things done without causing widespread backlash. He’s likely to work quietly but effectively.

     Oh aye?  What's he going to do when he retires from the political arena?  Art!

     Conrad will continue to monitor the situation.

"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"

We have moved beyond the first half of this publication and onto the central montage that they feature in each edition.  Art!

     "Along The Hard Road To Victory" is the over-arching title, being bracketed by the dates 1939 and 1945, when the war began and ended (in Europe, at least).

     Conrad is not going to analyse all these photographs at once, we'd be ten times over the Word Count if I did.  Instead, let's take the very first photograph.  Art!

     How very coy.  No mention of how the Sinister Union joined in on the invasion of Poland two weeks after their bezzie mates the Nazis had invaded.  At this time, mind, the Sinisters were still an ally, or at least not an enemy, or at least not openly an enemy.  Also take note that the mighty Teuton war machine was a lot less mechanised than they liked to pretend, since those aren't diesel trucks in disguise, gentle reader.

Conrad's Cakery Makery

I finally remembered to get a photograph of the flapjack I made at the weekend.  Art!

     It's a bit friable, which might be down to Your Modest Artisan not tamping the mix down hard in the baking pan, or perhaps it could have done with a longer baking time.  The clock is ticking on how quickly I can devour these, as one cannot allow them to go mouldy.  That would be rude.  Art!

     This is the aforementioned cornbread, made with cornmeal that I discovered hiding in a tub at the back of a cupboard.  I made it to use up the old cornmeal, as I've gotten a fresh bag in order to tackle a couple of Ukrainian recipes.  Art!

     The 'Best Before' there is a tad blurry, thanks to being so close to the lens, so allow me to explain that it says 'May'.

     That is, 'May 2014'.  The bag I finished off was dated 'April 2014'.  Don't worry, I've eaten a slice of the end result and it's pretty nice fare, savoury and just made for dipping in the meatball goulash I'll be having for lunch tomorrow.

Finally -

I bought a packet of Ginger Nuts yesteryon, thanks to reading about them as being a recipe ingredient, which I thought was in my Ukrainian recipe book.  But no.  Where on earth have I scanned this requirement?  Forsooth, if I cannot find it - gasp! - I may have to eat the biscuits instead.  Horrors!

Banks Hit By Storm

There I Was, Pondering

'How can I look clever and entice people in to read about what is, essentially, rather dry stuff?'

     One way might be to lead with a click-bait picture of a charming young woman not wearing a lot bar brass lingerie, which used to work well for the pulp sci-fi magazines from the Thirties to the Fifties.  We, however - first use of that word today - are made of more SFW principles than they were.  Also, I tend to use them for the Sunday retrospective.

     Then, whilst traversing a rabbit-hole, I can across fried gold.  Art!

     This is the Tropical Storm 'Ernesto' wreaking havoc in the Caribbean, a tropical storm being a variety of hurricane-wannabe, perhaps closer to 'British Summer Weather' if you like.

     The shores of that island being battered?  Saba.  Which is the location of the Saba Banks, one of the biggest submarine atolls on the planet, itself part of the Caribbean Netherlands -

     Wait, what?  The Dutch have imperial holdings in the Caribbean?  How long has this been going on!  Art?

     Conrad, with his patent mind like a skip, recalls a minor character from 'Star Wars' named "Wedge Antilles", whom en

     ANYWAY the Saba Banks lie off the island itself, and are not infrequently hit by tropical storms and hurricanes, which ruffles them but gently, since they're underwater.  Which is how we get the first iteration of today's title.

     Art!

     Whilst this is the second iteration of today's title, because we are returning to the never-ending and morbidly fascinating topic of the Ruffian economy, and how badly it's doing.  More precisely, how increasingly badly it's doing.  I am going to continue using annotations from "Jason Jay Smart", "Joe Blogs" and "Anna Komsa", the latter of whom put up a verrrry long Tweet on this subject.  Art!

Any excuse

     I had originally wondered about using 'A Perfect Storm' as a title, going for succinct after the lengthy "Lucy -" one.  Then I wondered about working in a spiral, or - a helix.  Here we are.

     You see, the economy of Mordorvia is in an ever-ascending spiral.  Prices go up, which drives wages up, debt increases, house prices accelerate, mortgages go up, all of which puts the entire economy at risk.  The Stockholm School Of Economics reckons that "The Ruffian economy is highly vulnerable, and although relatively stable, is becoming increasingly precarious.  There is opaque financing, distortionary resource allocation and a lack of financial buffers.  Time is not on Modern-day Mordor's side." (Underlining shows where Conrad has amended original text).  Art!

Elvira!

     This is the head of the Ruffian Central Bank, the poor dear, whom has been told not to dare resign by Bunker Midget Grandad, so he can throw her under the bus when things go pear-shaped.  The statistics that follow come directly from the RCB,  not MI6 or DGSCE or the CIA's pet psychics.

     So, the Ruffian government holds $2.2 trillion of assets, which sounds fine and dandy, except - you knew that word was coming - only $209 billion are liquid assets, or 9.5% according to the RCB.  Why is this important?  O I thought you'd never ask!  Because the illiquid assets are in the form of long-term investment bonds that don't mature for a decade, or two decades, or three decades, so they cannot be used for emergencies.  Art!

      

     A healthy economy, as in one not at death's door knocking to come in with it already ajar, has between 20% to 30% in liquid assets.  Thus there is no bank buffer if things go awry, which they are now doing.  Or was it agley?  For example, the technical term 'Consumer loan delinquencies' has risen to 22%, which means people who took out a loan and who aren't paying it back, As you might imagine, a bank lending money and then waving it a sorrowful goodbye is not good for business.  Another RCB metric is that over 10% of those who took out loans are now more than 90 days overdue in repaying.  Both these figures exceed those at the height of Covid.  Art!

     The reason this is BAD, in flashing neon letters ten feet tall, is that if public confidence tanks and people try to take their money out of banks en masse, THERE WON'T BE ENOUGH.  Imagine trying to empty your account of ₽100,000, only to be told that you can have ₽5,000 and be grateful for it, before all withdrawals are banned.  Ooops.

     This is only that part of the iceberg which is visible.  Art!

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐊𝐎𝐌𝐒𝐀 | 

@tweet4Anna_NAFO

·

May 27

Despite data that remains opaque we can see that sanctions have created preconditions for the collapse of the Russian economy. Russia's war economy is shrinking, inflation is rising, interest rates are reaching 21%, & 40% of gov spending is devoted to the army.

     I wonder what's going through his bonce right now.

     "Remarkable!  Who knew the Dutch retained their island possessions in the Caribbean!  I wonder if they'll consider selling one I can retire to?"

Take That, Panda-man

Okayyyyy, let's focus a little invective upon Xi Jin-Ping, the emperor who rules The Populous Dictatorship.  He gets off very lightly in the pages of BOOJUM! as he's neither orange-hued nor a homicidal maniac.  Now, bear in mind that his first name is pronounced 'Chee'.  Art!

     This is the beloved giant panda of London Zoo, in the days before the Chinese changed their alphabet.  Note the phonetic similarity.

     You may not be aware, but Xi Xi is verrrry sensitive about his weight, and has been twitted about it by critics who mockingly call him "Winnie The Pooh" after the tubby version of same popularised by Disney.  Beware, English teachers travelling to The Populous Dictatorship, for if you have any works by A A Milne, they may not make it past customs.  Art!

     Sorry but the AI Art Generator absolutely will not conjure up a werepanda with the head of Xi Jin Ping.

I Suspect The Advert Algorithm Knows It's Payday

Conrad has noticed a non-stop parade of Anderson adverts on Youtube, which, while losing their novelty after the fifth appearance within an hour, has at least displaced the non-stop parade of 'Tankfest' adverts.

     Now the infection has spread to Facebook.  Art!

     Conrad has a plastic TB2 knocking around my Sekrit Layr, unseen these many years.  It used to bark out phrases as spoken by Jeff Tracey, until the battery ran down.  How much will this tableau as above cost one?  Art!

     Okay, that sounds reasonable (the squeaking noise you can hear in the background is my wallet).  What's not so reasonable - Art!

     Judging from the box art, this is the original Dinky pairing from either the Sixties or Seventies, hence the enormous price tag.  


It's Not Been A Good Week For Elong Tusk

Quick, a hankie for Elong!  You may have noticed, or may not, as an absence is less impactful than a presence, that Kaptain Ketamine has been singularly absent from the high councils of politics at the White House.  This will be meat and drink to those there who hate him, which is everyone, as the MAGA members of the administration all loathe each other and seek to do each other down, that they may gain favour in the eyes of the Great Tangerine Trout.  Medieval courtier politics, doncha know.

     ANYWAY ANYWAY Art!

     I can imagine Donold Judas Trump's reaction.  "Aaron who?  Never met the guy.  May have stood next to him once," before driving off in his free Tesla.  Art!

     This is the moment when Starship, launched from Starbase, began to fall apart, meaning that they will have to Start all over again.  Ooops.

"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"

After the hostilities had ceased in Europe, there was a concerted effort to round up the senior Nazis and bring them to justice.  If you recall yesteryon's photos, they featured a British Military Police checkpoint on the border between Italy and Austria, to ensure nobody whose collar needed feeling got away.  Art!

          In the photo at top port, under the watchful eye of a British soldier and his machine gun, are three of the top Teutons of the 'Flensburg administration', the political government that briefly ruled after Herr Schickelgruber unalived himself.  They are Albert Speer, Admiral Dönitz and Field Marshal Jodl, the last of whom was found guilty of war crimes and hung.  To starboard are other administrators, hauled out of bed, being guarded by a Tommy with long bayonet fixed, enemy personnel terrifying, for the use of.

     In the port inset is the cooling carcase of Heinrich Himmler, who used a cyanide capsule hidden in a tooth to also unalive himself.  I have a memoir somewhere of one of the soldiers who was guarding him, who thought the poisoning might have been accidental.  I guess we'll never know .....

     The last photo might be titled "Why We Fight".  This is the last hut of Belsen concentration camp being burned by the British liberators.  Whilst there is no competition for Auschwitz being dubbed 'Anus Mundi', Belsen might well be called 'Anus Europa'.

And on that very sombre not we shall call it a day.

(Because we're almost at 1,600 words).