Because if Conrad is spending his time conjuring scrivel out of moonbeams and imagination, then you don't have to, meaning a saving in your personal time.
Today we are going back to "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" again, because once more Your Humble Scribe wants to turn his jaundiced, literal and over-analytical eye upon it, thanks to an idea he had. Art!
I'm using this picture because the ones detailing the Tanis dig are a bit bland and characterless; a bunch of labourers with shovels. However - that word again! - in the interests of fairness and balance I will use one here. Art!
Busy little beavers, aren't they? Where the film strays into implausibility is having the Nazis organise this very large excavation in the middle of Egypt. Art!
I know, I know, it's cinematic shorthand and it leaves you in no doubt who the villains of the piece are. Conrad can't help wondering why they're not wearing tropical-issue kit and pith helmets. Pith helmets were all the rage for European armies being aggressive with guns abroad, notably in Africa and the Middle East.
Conrad also doubts the Nazi soldiery would be strutting about quite so brazenly, because Britain had an agreement with Egypt about both foreign policy and defence, and letting swaggering Teuton upstarts have free rein is a bit hard to swallow. For one thing, it puts a hostile Continental power within striking distance of the Suez canal, a strategic choke point that Great Britain kept a very close eye on. Art!
That's quite aside from the Teutons expending any effort whatsoever for an artefact that is definitively Jewish.
Now, this is not to say that such an expedition would be highly improbable at best, because whom do we know that had batshot crazy ideas about the occult, the supernatural and frozen mammoths? Art!
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| Heinie 'Hardman' Himmler, totally rocking the Colin Farrell look |
Yes, HH again. I have mentioned in passing that he was peculiarly focussed on Tibet, and indeed sponsored an expedition there for the purposes of proving his Cosmic Rice Theory correct. Something like that. A second expedition got recalled in a hurry in August of 1939, as there were matters brewing betwixt the Teutons and the Sinisters, with Poland the filling in a dictator-sandwich. Art!
In a semi-reflection of ROTLA, HH had intended a platoon of his SS to be smuggled into Tibet via the Sinister Union - before the backstabbing of Operation Barbarossa occurred - in order to whip the natives up against the troops of Perfidious Albion, who were stationed there. Art!
Nowhere near as exotic as Egypt, this is a rock quarry where HH is seen inspecting and examining, hoping to find runes chiselled out millennia ago by his Nordic Teuton ancestors.
The possibility of an expedition to Egypt is not as far-fetched as perhaps I have lead you to believe; there was always the chance some scammer would enthral Heinie's imagination by asserting that the pyramids were built by the Nordic Teuton pharaohs, well-known for their Germanic history. Don't laugh! He had planned to sponsor a research expedition to Peru, Chile and Bolivia, in order to discover just how Nordic these South American cultures were, with particular relevance to the Cosmic Mice Theory. Only the outbreak of a little contretemps called "The Second Unpleasantness" prevented it from happening.
If the melting man above had only been Heinie <wistful sigh> A lot of his political rivals would have broken out a bottle of Brut to celebrate. If he'd melted into a flesh puddle in 1936 you can bet your best stomping jackboots another Nazi would have slotted right into his place.
Okay, that's enough lilygagging. On with the show!
Our Journey With Bernie
Wrightson, that is, and it may continue for some time, as we're looking at the illustrations he provided for FPG playing card sets, with at least four sets, each of 90 cards. We'll stick with "Master of the Macabre" for now. Art!
These 'How-I-Did-It' notes are an excellent insight into how an artist works with different media. Thematically it seems similar to Card #1, "Lazarus Syndrome".
I'm going to add in another of these cards, otherwise we'll be here in 2034. Art!
I don't think children ought to be exposed to stuff like this, although I bet the little Wrightson horrors loved it. I'm not sure which orientation this card should be in: long side down or long side up. Whichever way, still ewwww.
Excuse me whilst I go to turn the sausages over. Doing 'em in the oven, doncha know,
Do You Have A Few Million To Invest?
If you're willing to risk your capital going up in smoke - and flames - you can buy yourself an oil depot in Modern-day Mordor for pennies on the pound. Art
One imagines that Ruffian insurance companies will refuse point-blank to compensate any magnate whose oil depot has been turned into a greasy black smear. Which explains the desperation of said magnates to get out of the oil depot business sharpish. One can further imagine Putinpot chewing the carpet with rage that people dare to make him look bad, then ordering that said magnates shall fall out of windows and one of the siloviki gets the poison chalice. Art!
That industrial plant is the Moscow Oil Refinery, which is on the outskirts of Barad-Duh, as you can surely tell by the name. That little black dot is an Ukrainian drone, which ends up hitting the plant and causing a whacking big explosion. I had to choose my clips carefully, as the Ruffian who filmed this was swearing from start to stop, although he seemed to have a sneaking regard for how effective this remotely-piloted bang boy was.
What you can't experience is the sound. Bear in mind that this installation is only 10 miles from the Kremlin, and it was defended by - Art!
Private Conscriptovitch, who barely knows which end of a gun the bullets emerge from, and you can hear oodles of small arms fire in the background as the Ukrainian drone soars effortlessly, ENTIRELY UNSCATHED, into the refinery.
Another question might 'What's Wrong With This Picture?" because you can't hear any anti-aircraft guns, nor missile launches or even humble MANPADS. Yes, the safety and well-being of a major Ruffian energy infrastructure a (long) stone's throw from the Kremlin, relied on - speculating here - cross-eyed drunkards with AK-74s.
Oho, Who Else Is Having A Bad Day?
Conrad will be distraught when Donold Judas Trump drops dead, because he generates so much blog content for free, all the time. He just cannot keep his flapping pie-hole shut, because everything has to be about Him Him Him.
Here's one that will have him resorting to his comfort food (17 Big Macs, 9 bags of french fries and a gallon of chocolate milkshake). Art!
Part of the reason for this precipitate decline is that people bought up TMTG stock thinking that he was going to be the next Prez, at which their stock would increase in value exponentially. Now that this is a distant prospect, people are trying to get rid of their TMTG stock before it's value dwindles to $0.01.
Sounds like you and some Ruffian oil depot magnates need to come to an arrangement!
Believe It Or Not
I have a lot more stuff on drones in Ukraine, which I will mercifully abate for a day or two so you can lay in a stock of mind-bleach and eye-wash. 'Forbes', of all the publications you might imagine, did an excellent breakdown of how the Ukes might have managed to invade Ruffia without warning them.
I also finished watching "Godzilla Minus One" last night, which needs a whole item to itself, perhaps even an Intro.
There's also another season of "Sweet Tooth" to catch up on, and "The Umbrella Academy" not to mention "Sweet Home" the Korean post-apocalyptic supernatural thriller. An embarrassment of riches. Art!
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| Neither sweet nor home-y |
See you on the other side.
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