Less Than Lethal

Conrad Is Once Again Minded That We Live In The Future

During the Golden-ish age of sci-fi from the Thirties to the Fifties, no self-respecting hero or villain went without a 'blaster' strapped to their hip, usually of the atomic variety.  Their method of operation was obscure yet devastating, normally completely vapourising the target and leaving only a whiff of vapour (wonder if it smelled like barbecue?).  Art!

     Well, there you go, a sidearm so formidable it requires a tripod and shield, not compensating for anything there are we, matey?

     Well, when sci-fi grew up (a little) we had authors and auteurs move on from violent vapourisation and into less lethal ordnance, which presumably didn't leave the environment irradiated and hostile to all living organisms for two millennia or so.  Conrad distinctly remembers an Eighties episode of "Doctor Who" where one of the Hom. Sap. villains in Dalek service gave orders that, in future, 'Stun lasers' would be issued.  Art!

EeeeviLytton

     Actually, Lytton had a bit more depth than the average smirking baddie, wh

     ANYWAY Conrad would like to see a laser that merely 'stuns' it's victim, as in real life these things are more likely to burn a dirty great hole in you than render you pale and wan.  Although the injury would be completely sterile, so there is that.  Art!

     Conrad also recalled one of William Gibson's weird and wonderful weapons of the near-future, and then tracked down an actual quote to elucidate and up the word count a tad:

"Kurt is armed with a riot gun in Chatsubo. Its fist-wide barrel is made of paper-thin alloy wrapped with a kilometer of glass filament. Its skeletal magazine contains 5 fat orange cartridges, subsonic sandbag jellies."

     They omitted the 'technically non-lethal' tag that sparked my memory.  You may be wondering, so allow Conrad to nerdsplain: the fluid filling in the rounds will deform on contact with a warm body, maximising the surface area to which the round's kinetic energy is transmitted.  Thus, rather than expend an awful lot of energy in a very small spot, which by definition is what a bullet does, it expends considerably less energy over a wider area.  Yes, it may break a couple of ribs or concuss you, or damage a kidney or two, but at least you're not dead.  Art!

Props — Tyler Edmonds (tyleredmondsart.com)

     That's the page where I lifted this pic from, and I'm rather surprised it's the only illustration of the riot gun.

     Speaking of riots - Art!

     Riot Foam, nicknamed the "Mega-City Boot', is a foam that hardens within seconds of being exposed to air, forming a solid resin of almost indestructible plastic.  The Judges use it to quell riots in place, because when aimed at ankle level, those hit by it are immobilised until special foam-cutter teams set them free.  'Free' only for a split-second, as they are then placed under arrest and sent to the cubes.  That's not all the non-lethal weaponry the Judges have.  Art!

     "Stumm Gas" is a paralysing narcotic that immediately causes nausea and unconsciousness, which is great for suppressing rebellious uprisings and the like, except for the 0.4% death rate associated with it's use.  Use in open areas is forbidden, so the football fans who riot inside an enclosed stadium are fair game, and those who try to escape are going to encounter Judges with more non-lethal weapons - riot shields and truncheons.  Art!

Just another Tuesday afternoon in the Big Meg

     Let us display what brought all this pontificating about; it's a webpage I found whilst looking at another more general webpage, which - of course! - I obviously cannot find.  Art!

     I can tell what you're thinking, and no, this doesn't look remotely 'non-lethal'. does it?  In fact it looks as if you could take on the rampaging hordes of Mordor single-handedly and wreak bloody execution amongst them.

     That's the impression the manufacturer wants to give.  Any ne'er-do-well clocking another person carrying this bit of kit will move on to easier pickings, because being killed to death is bad for the burglary business.

     Because, this is actually a pneumatic gun that fires 'Pepperballs', which have an effective range of up to 150 feet.  The ball itself is full of a powder that VKS call "PAVA", which seems to be a proprietary mixture they're not going to detail.  Art!

     If you want to know how hard these things hit, imagine this two-pound bag of sugar is dropped onto your head from the roof of your house.  That approximates the 28 Joules a Pepperball at max speed has, which is quite enough to hunt small game like rats or rabbits, and kill them.

     You can bet your rawhide boots we're coming back to this topic, O my yes Cooper, Fess!

Pay Attention!

Conrad has had some frankly salacious YouTube channels come up in his feed, which rather baffled me until I guessed the reason, and here she is.  Art!

     This lady is Stephanie G. Clifford, and from her demeanour and dress you might think she was one of the press liaison officers working for Donald Judas Trump at Mar-a-Largo or similar, compelled to testify under subpoena.

     Well, no.  It took some digging to unearth this very sombre picture, because Stephanie's stage name is "Stormy" and the media likes to present pictures of her in clothing that is short or tight or see-through or all three at the same time.

     NO! we here at BOOJUM! will not resort to NSFW pictures merely to boost traffic.  We have standards.  Only two, true, but we have them.

     ANYWAY Conrad has been listening to various YouTube clips about her testimony in court, which has been verrrry bad news for Pumpkinhead.  The YT algorithm has thus decided to promote very sleazy content as a result.  Art!

     It's a hard life.

"City In The Sky"

It's a race against time.  Will the eeeeevil alien Lithoi get their missile battery up and ready before the Doctor's heavenly hammer hits home?

     The captain felt the hairs on his neck stand upright in awe: Australia stood on the other side of the globe!  There was no way this picture could be real-time, not without a satellite communication network, and none of them existed any longer.

     ‘Hello again, Captain,’ said Doctor Smith without turning round.  ‘Impact in about twenty minutes.’

     ‘Can’t they shoot it down again, like they did the last one?’ asked Oswald.

     ‘They can try,’ said one of the audience.  ‘They’d have to spot it first!’

      ‘Whoopee!’ squealed Ace in delight.  Another makeshift balloon had exploded a kilometre up, disintegrating as the Lithoi sought it out with their base’s beam weapon.  Except it had taken them five attempts to hit this one, according to Kirwin’s intelligent binoculars.

     Captain Kirwin was sitting this one out.  She’d been looking directly at the fifth balloon they’d launched when the Lithoi shot it, and her eyes were still recovering, with big blurry purple patches drifting across her vision.  Before passing on the bins she’d dialled up the filter.

     ‘How many shots was that?’ asked Oscar, one of the couriers helping them.  ‘Four or five?’

     ‘Five,’ clarified Ace. 

     ‘Good.  All that chaff is confusing their radar,’ explained Kirwin.  Their first four successful balloon launches had been carried aloft by the prevailing wind and their own candle-powered lift, soaring up high into the air over the Nullarbor Plain.

     Oho, d'you see what our crafty Gallifreyan has been up to?  Chaff!

How Have The Mighty Fallen

Tiptoeing around the fringes of Bunker Grandad's inauguration yesteryon, the media spotted a figure better known for his action films a good three decades ago.  Time has not been kind.  Art!

     Yes, that is Steven Seagal to port, totally rocking the 'house-smuggling' look.  You think Conrad is too harsh?  Well if you get into a metaphorical bed with Putinpot you're going to get up with fleas.  And lice.  And ticks.  And bedbugs.  And scabies.  And impetigo.  And ringworm.

     Conrad on Twitter was even nastier, comparing Ol' Stevie to "A Pyramint made of lard".  Art!

     Perhaps a more accurate description would be "A chicken made of custard" as Ol' Stevie ran away from a Hollywood party where he'd been dissing Jean Claude Van Damn.  Because JCVD was there, heard the insults and came looking.  It is rumoured that Ol' Stevie was only safe in Ruffia, as JCVD is banned from there for making Belgians look hard.

Conrad Has Spoken

AGAIN!  There was that glorious single episode of "Sliders" where the American Revolution <shudders> never happened, a world that would really satisfy entire levels of South Canadian society today -

     Here an aside.  If UK law was the standard in South Canada, you can bet a whole lot of people would be better off.  This would, unfortunately, lead to a sharp drop in "Entitled People", "Malicious Compliance" and "Nuclear Revenge" stories on Reddit and Quora.

     Enough of Conrad The Social Justice Warrior! (because he has trouble fitting into the armour).  Art!

     The beggars can't get enough of us.  Kingie for Prez 2028!

Finally -

Can scurrilous wit and febrile invective be classified as non-lethal weapons?  If so, then you've been reading the Arsenal Of Blemocracy!  Thank you, goodnight and I'll get me coat.  Art!