Frankentanken

It's Not A New Word

So Your Humble Scribe won't get royalties <sad face> but all the same it doesn't seem to be utilised in the way Conrad intends, so I'm still ahead of the game.  

     First of all, we have to get our heads around poor Mary Shelley's barnstormingly original novel, "Frankenstein" which is now over two hundred years old.  You ought to know the plot by now: Man Meddles With Things He Ought Not To.  And NO! I don't mean TATP explosives.  Art!

     The old Universal film's iteration of the Monster - NOTE I ADDED IN "MONSTER" THERE -will forever be associated with the novel and itself is nearly a hundred years old.

     The thing is,  it's the Monster that's become associated with the name "Frankenstein" over the years, rather than Ol' Viktor.  To make matters worse, this is not universal - ha! do you  s - O you do - and the more clued-up or pseud-up will deliberately refer to "Frankenstein's Monster", thus muddying the water's still further.  Art!

This is the Hammer version, and you'll notice the difference to the Universal style.  Which is because Universal had trademarked their prosthetics and makeup, thumbing their nose at other stu

     ANYWAY we could probably spend a whole Intro on the differences between interpretations of the Frankenstein monster.  Not to mention other mentions in modern culture of the word as a noun.  Take "Frankenstein foods" as an example, when the International Stupid Corps got frightened that GM food would turn you into vegan zombies, or Fred Saberhagen's "Berzerker" where the unstoppable planet-killers were deemed to be 'Frankenstein weapons' (I think - it's been a while).  Art!

     Now, let us return to the metal meat of the martial matter, to coin a phrase: TANKS.  You are doubtless familiar with conventional tanks, the kind with a tracked hull, a rotating turret and lots of guns and sensors.  Well, there are versions of your normal tank that are formally known as 'field expedients', or less  formally as 'bodged together'.  This is when the CO gets both a bee in his bonnet and a bit of kit acquired from who-knows-where.

     However, before we can explore this idea more fully, we have to dart off at a tangent, because that's just how we work here.  Get used to it.  Art!

     This unlovely specimen is from the KLF's music video "Doctorin' The Tardis", which must melt the pan of every serious Whovian out there.  They were skating close to the thin ice of copyright infringement with their shoddy design here - which condition I take it was deliberate - because the estate of Terry Nation takes the Daleks verrrry seriously.  Here's a link to the video, so you can watch this wretched little oik bounce and bob around.  

(2) The Timelords - Doctorin' The Tardis (Official Video) - YouTube

With it's mate, even

       We now come to that part of BOOJUM! where we cruelly mock the Ruffians, both because they deserve it and because who doesn't enjoy beating low hanging fruit with a stick?  Art!

     Your Humble Scribe has seen a brief clip of this Frankentank in action, firing the repurposed-guns-in-a-naval-turret, which judder and vibrate madly, just like the KLF's bodge-up.  There is no way it can actually hit anything, but the noise must make the crew feel a lot braver.  Art!

     There seems to be a common thread amongst all these different bodged-up Frankentanks - a desire to use naval weapons, perhaps in emulation of Volga River pirates? (if such things ever existed).  Art!

     No, that's not a trampoline on top.  It's a cope-cage.  Completely useless in real life, but it makes the crew feel so much braver.  Those are old rocket launchers taken from Soviet-era riverine craft, which have perhaps at best a minimal chance of hitting anything smaller than a city.  Art!

Ruffian Pushmi-Pullyu

     What this one is supposed to be is quite baffling.  The (unguided) rocket launcher at the front will damage the gun placed to rear if it's fired, and the gun at the rear is COMPLETELY EXPOSED, making the crew a fine upstanding target.

     Quite apart from these weapons being as effective as the KLF's dancing tea-crate, adding at least two tons to the rear axle and ground-loading of the MTLB's used as platforms is going to cause them to suffer excessive wear and tear, and a higher breakdown rate.  
     I know a lot of ghouls who'll be delighted with these Frankentanken - military modellers and wargamers.

 I Wouldn't Call This One 'Astronomy' Per Sea

NO!  That is not a typo or a mis-spelling of the Latin phrase, it is in fact an hilariously funny pun, I'll have you know.  Hilarious I tell you!  Art?

Courtesy Vikas Chandler

As you can plainly sea, this is more about a wrecked ship, the 'Zella', than it is about stars and astronomy.  Incidentally, 'Chandler' was a position aboard ship, referring to a crew-member who sold candles.  Don't you dare come back with that quote from the Barf Of Avon about Night's candles, because the Remote Nuclear Detonator stands ready aye ready.

"City In The Sky"

Plans are afoot.  More specifically, the Doctor, Ace and hyper-enthusiastic Arcology volunteer Alex are preparing to visit Downstairs, the first any Arcology crew have been down unscathed since the Big Crash.

Davy asked if he could help provide anything for them, and offered to go through the whole Overall Inventory, which the Doctor politely refused on the grounds that the database was enormous and would take hours to scroll through completely.

     ‘I wouldn’t say no to some of that nice ground coffee,’ commented Ace, cheekily and expecting a scolding.

     The acid quip never came.  In fact the Doctor nodded and smiled blandly in agreement, only for Ace to look at him with a cynical expression when Davy had disappeared into his lo-rise apartment.

     ‘What are you up to?  That scrounging ought to have earned me a telling-off, at least, with a sarky bit at the end.’

     A sigh was her initial reply, until she linked arms and tried puppy-dog eyes.

     ‘Oh, Ace!  Tell me what you discovered about these people whilst you were amongst them, when I was looking at the most depressing satellite coverage imaginable.  Go on.’

     She recovered well from the unexpected request and told him what she’d seen, what she’d heard and what she understood from her recent associations, ending with a plaintive look.

     Another sigh.

     ‘Ace, Ace, I’m afraid I’ve been a bit scheming here.’

     How unusual! she cynically mused.  How actually entirely not unusual

     This iteration of the Doctor probably schemes in his sleep.

Never One To Miss The Opportunity To Kick Someone When They're Down

You've probably heard a smidgeon of news about Donald Buck being found guilty of fraud in the New York case being brought by Letitia James.  This is both hilarious and horrifying.  Well, it's hilarious if you're an onlooker like Conrad, who is getting a wheelie-bin of popcorn ready, and it's horrifying for DJ Tango, because the $250 million fine being looked at would require him to get rid of 10% of his stated assets.  He's only worth $2.5 billion, you see, not the $10 billion he likes to gloast about.  Art!

     He seems to have gotten away with it for decades through sheer brass neck.  Of late, as you can see above, this brass seems to have been converted to turkey wattles.  Expect a lot of shrieking and ranting on Truth Social in ALL CAPS with spelling mistakes because his entitled rage means he ignores the spellchecker.

     O and Conrad heard last year that the actual fine might be multiples of $250 million.

     I need to ration the amount of Darth Marmalade in the blog, there really is enough content floating around to have BOOJUM! consist of nothing but items on him.  Which would probably pall, to be honest.

Taking The Plunge

NOT the pledge.  Having said it out loud on a (very entertaining) team meeting by remote, I shall now put it in writing: Your Humble Scribe will be going Sober For October.  Which conveniently begins on the coming Sunday, giving me a last hurrah on September's final Friday and Saturday.  Art!

Finally -

That pizza was disgustingly underdone in the middle.  I'm off to zap it in the microwave, more as punishment than in hope of rendering it edible.

Wizard Prang!