You Ought To Remember Skynet
The sinister AI system that the foolish South Canadians left in control of their strategic arsenal, and which repaid the favour by exterminating 95% of the human race. That Skynet. The one that had all the killer robots and drones hunting down surviving Hom. Sap. because an AI system is nothing if not thorough. Art!
Conrad has warned you in the past about technologies that are the thin end of the wedge, such as semi-autonomous armoured vehicles, because they pose an existential threat to Hom. Sap. Not that I'm against them because of how wicked and dangerous they are, but rather because I want to take over Planet Earth (when my starship invasion fleet gets here, the lazy idlers) and I don't want a depopulated radioactive wasteland.
First of all, let me regale you with the concept of a 'Santa Claus Machine'. This is not the rosy zenith of Father Christmas handing out candy canes, popcorn and construction sets, just a robot version. Art!
 |
| WRONG (and evil to boot) |
No, a Santa Claus Machine can create anything you so desire, from anything that you put into it, which is why it carries that name. Conrad distinctly remembers one appearing as a bookend character in a collection of 2000AD's "A.B.C. Warriors" but that was over thirty years ago and of course - obviously! - I cannot find any images of it on teh Interwebz. One of the points that the salesmen flogging said SCM put across is that it could be programmed to produce another SCM.
ANYWAY that brought to mind a passing mention of a passing mention, in one of James Blish's "Okie" sci-fi novels. You see, the galaxy-spanning flying cities of his future use an assemblage of computerised robotic systems dubbed the "City Fathers" to run the cities. New York New York has 134 of them, which continually monitor, assess and repair each other. They have one particular unit called a 'Breeder' if my memory serves, which acts as a SCM for City Father units, even to the point of creating another Breeder for any cities wanting to beef up their own complement. Ol' Jim always had them communicate in upper case "THE POLITICAL SITUATION IS VERY DISTURBING". Art!
 |
| Very subtle |
Where were we? O yes, Santa Claus Machines. Sorry, no pictures of City Father robotic units, either.
Okay, Dad has obviously been going at the 3D printer because the kids definitely didn't ask for a collection like this. Next thing it'll be storming Saint Carlos Water in the kitchen sink, w
This two-and-a-half-ton article was created in only 72 hours. It's quite seaworthy, as the VIPs inside it don't have wet feet. In fact it looks sturdy enough to hang machine guns and missile launchers and a rack of drones upon it. You can bet Kyrylo Budanov has already gotten ideas about it. Imagine one of these printers in an underground bunker, churning out patrol boats designed by computers, directed by AI and without any human interaction, save a quick check once a day to make sure everything's running smoothly. From there it's only a hop, skip and jump to a Santa Claus Machine. Art!
And this piker is a remote-controlled military drone, as used by the Ukies. What you see above is doubtless the testing phase - there's no snow on the ground in Ukraine at present - and it's said to have been sent to the front lines already. They call it 'Ironclad' although it's more probably a steel alloy, or perhaps titanium. The thing is compact enough to do sneak and peek jobs, or act as a flank guard or point element, and all it needs now is to swap the wheels for track and have it run autonomously - Art!
Hmmmm I think this is where we came in.
"HOBBIT KIDDIE-SLAVE SOLDIER SHOCK!!"
Hmmm it's easy to make up a headline after the "Sun" or the "Daily Star", isn't it? Pitch it in a large font, add plenty of exclamation marks and add in lots of female <REDACTED> and Hay Pesto! you've got an entire newspaper in only ten minutes. Art!
With puny human for scale
One of Ruffia's state broadcasting entities, RIA Novosti, claims that Ruffian soldiers shot down a Storm Shadow missile, killing the entire crew. Hence our title.
Yes, really.
Conrad is not sure who they're appealing to, the demented and the drunk, or whether the production team were themselves D & D. Perhaps it's a sly satire of typical Ruffian propaganda?
Meanwhile In The Mountains
Let us bring a little sanity to the proceedings, with another entry for Astronomy Photographer of the Year. Art!
Courtesy Angel An
These things are called 'Sprites', apparently. They are described as being an exceedingly rare phenomena, which I can agree with, I'd never heard of them nor seen what they looked like. Personally I'd start looking around for a few of Lovecraft's Elder Gods if I witnessed anything like this.
"City In The Sky"
The Doctor is plotting to visit Downstairs and do a bit of sneaking and peeking in the Australian outback of New South Wales, to spy out the land and see if he can determine what and where the alien 'squatters' are.
‘Me! I’m willing to go
Downstairs!’
Alex sprang forward, practically quivering with earnest zeal and nearly
knocking Davy over in his enthusiasm.
Ace raised a single eyebrow, wondering when the mechanic had arrived at
The Doctor’s eyes shone with mischievous amusement.
‘I haven’t even explained why I want an Arc One crewmember to come with
me. What if I intend to feed you to the
natives?’
Ace sniggered at Alex’s look of bemused surprise, then sobered up,
wondering if vistas of women showing their legs off might have been an
influence.
‘Don’t panic – I want an Arcology representative along to provide solid
background information for any Australians we might need to negotiate
with. You’ve had nineteen years of
experience aboard this sphere, Alex. Ace
and I have merely a few hours.’
Trusted adviser, medical doctor, amateur botanist and insufficiently
hard-hearted, Davy gave in with a show of reluctance, cautioning Alex that his
parents needed to be asked – not told, asked
– about his departure. The young Scot
turned to dash before the Doctor’s umbrella handle caught at his elbow.
‘Bring a full tool kit with you.
Be prepared, just in case. Meet
us back at the Tardis.’
Hmmmm very persuasive, Doctor. I wonder ...
O Dearie Me
I had to go and refer to the Presidential Escape Pod in "Escape From New York", didn't I? Because that inevitably led to playing the theme tune, and the deleted bank robbery opening scene that you may not have seen, if the theatrical film release is all you've ever seen. Art!
"We made it!"
<BANG>
Well, you didn't, matey.
Okay, now trying getting that Dog Buns! theme tune out of your head.
Finally -
Right, I now have a bit of homework to do - Neil Moran a.k.a. "The Chieftain" is reviewing some TANK scenes in films. Since he was a proper tank commander in an Abrams tank during the South Canadian involvement in the Middle East, he knows whereof he speaks, and he does it in an extremely droll and amusing manner. Bring on the popcorn!
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