Fanny

NO! This Is Not About "Mansfield Park"'s Milquetoast Heroine

I've already informed you that the novel above is now sitting on a bookshelf, waiting to be transported to a charity shop on a weekend, unless I get leave, which looks unlikely.  Pressure of work, doncha know; last week we were down to 12 staff from the original 32 back in April.

     No, the new book I've taken up from where it was tucked away in the bookcase is an investigative tome called "The Manson Murders".  Art!

     I bought this at the same time as the enormous, exhaustive work that Ol' Buggy created about the assassination of JFK, "Reclaiming History", which I am horrified to realise was almost exactly two years ago.  Wh

     ANYWAY that's nothing to do with today's title, which merely refers to there being a lot of fans in this Intro.  O yes, before I forget WASH OUT YOUR SEWER-LIKE MINDS! you disgusting perverts.  Art!

      Nothing to see here, move along now, and make sure to ignore the reflection.

    You see, for weeks Conrad has been wondering where the larger fan he bought had gotten to; it was a white plastic model larger and more cooling than the digital desk fan that has been doing sterling service.  Your Humble Scribe had looked around his ordered midden yet no sign of it was to be seen.

     The, earlier today, I happened to be up and about and glanced behind the Unfeasibly Large Monitor.  Art!

      It had been sat three feet from me for months.  It did inspire an Intro, so I can't be too mad at it's dumb insolence.  Art!

     This is a scenario you will never find in South Korea.  The Sorks, who  do have a touch of whimsy about them if their genre television shows are anything to go by, are utterly convinced that running an electric fan in the same room you sleep in WILL KILL YOU TO DEATH!  Despite the rest of the world managing this feat on a regular basis, not so in Sorkland.  In fact this myth goes back to 1927, with the introduction of electric fans to the peninsula, when it was just Korea.  There are a number of completely impossible suggestions about what causes fanticide, which is not helped by a jaded press printing speculative nonsense about 'So-and-so was found dead in a room, after sleeping in it overnight AND THERE WAS A FAN!'

     There is speculation that it was a myth encouraged by the eeeeeevil Korean government, in order to cut down on the use of fans, thus cutting electrical demand.  Conrad suspects it may equally well be laid at the feet of the Sork Air-Conditioning Industry.  Art!

Then you have the following, which looks it was designed by a drunken Nork and put together by dyspraxic Albanians.  Art!

 

     It goes by the appellation of 'Fan Song' and is a species of Sinister missile-control radar.  For Ruffian kit it is hi-tec, as advanced as much as 1959, with advanced electro-mechanical systems that allow it to track as many as one missile at a time!  Art!

     One imagines that all those vacuum tubes do, indeed, need a fan to cool them off. 

     Going off wildly at a tangent, if not still relatable, there is that film "The Fan" which is all about bakesballtry or somesuch, and as far as I remember, has Wesley Snipes and Robert De Niro.  Art!

     There are no spinning blades involved, but it does involve moving volumes of hot air.  Whilst we are also talking about cinema and fans, Conrad also seems to remember that "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." had a film stitched together from two episodes, "The Karate Killers", which featured treacherous geishas wielding fans that had a steel frame, all the better to belt someone;s bowing bonce with.  Art!

Before

During

After

     Not bad recall for what must have been the single viewing way back in 1976.
      Conrad also used to have a toy pistol, a "Fanner 50", which, if we can prod Art into activity again -

     You'd NEVER get a 'toy' like this on the market now, it looks far too much like the real thing and would invite the attention of the local Police Firearms Team.  It was a great gun, though; you held the trigger down and used the heel of your hand to 'fan' the hammer, which allowed you to shoot off dozens of caps at a time.  'Fanning' was a bit of a gimmick in the Old West, but done well by an experienced gunhand, it turned a six-shot revolver into a six-shot machine gun.

     Which it probably getting a bit off-topic.  I'd better go see how those mushrooms are baking. 

Time Is Tight(er)

Conrad finally finished watching Season One of "For All Mankind", which clocked in at 10 hours for all ten episodes.  I felt a sense of achievement.

     With that out of the way, I decided to look at my DVD Hill, which has been sitting patiently since June, and there was Season Three of "Game Of Thrones", as I thought.  Art!

     Well, as you can see, it turned out to be Seasons One, Two and Three.  In total 1,596 minutes, or just over 26 hours.  Conrad's not sure if that's just the individual episodes, because there seems to be at least an hour's worth of extra stuff just for Season One.  That map is jolly useful as well.  As I told Ol' Tolky himself, 'if you have a Quest, you need to start with a map.'

Bring On The Big Bang Bombs!

Yes, time for more atomic assessments from our resident nookelar explosions expert, who this time is casting a stern eye over - Art!

Back when 'Meh' was entirely acceptable

     Take it away Mister Spriggs.

     Ah yes, the 'Lead-lined' fridge.  As Ol' Spriggy notes, why on earth would you put foodstuffs into close proximity to a heavy metal of poisonous intent?  And you would need several feet of protective lead shielding, not a few tenth's of an inch.  Art!

     The Thermal Pulse effects are quite accurate, if stretched out unrealistically.  In real life the mannequins would have been vapourised in less than a second, but we can put this down to artistic licence.  Art!

     This, however, is a big No-No.  The Indie-occupied fridge cannot travel faster than the shock wave that lofted it into the air and from the fleeing car we can guess that the lead-lined lofted lifter must be travelling at eighty or ninety miles per hour.  Art!

     Again, another No-No.  There is no padding or protection in this vehicle, and our intrepid explorer would have been distributed all over the inside in many different pieces.  Who knew that an inch of foam insulation and soft lead cladding wouldn't protect anyone from an impact of ninety miles per hour*?  Art!

Harsh but fair

"City In The Sky"

Ace is being treated as an honoured guest at the hamlet of 'Edinburgh', a rare excuse for Arcology One's inhabitants to show off their culinary skills.

     ‘This is Ace,’ declared Alex, bursting with pride at having escorted her to the workers.  ‘Ace, these are Manny, Alistair, Gina, Lucinda and Garry.’

     Various polite greetings were exchanged.

     ‘What are you doing?’ asked Ace, curious as ever about anything mechanical, greasy or powerful.

     ‘Ah – she asks a lot of questions,’ added Alex, to a nudge in the ribs.  ‘Well you do!’

     Manny, who looked like a human weasel with his eager little eyes and quick manner, rubbed his hands with hemp waste and nodded at the electric cart.

     ‘Failing to get this pensioner back into working order.  Another one we’ll have to cannibalise for parts.’

     Expressions of mutual gloom fell on the mechanic’s faces, before they descended with spanners and allen keys and screwdrivers, taking the pallet-sized vehicle apart and storing the various components in wicker baskets that ranged in size from those big as a coffin to barely egg-cup sized.

     ‘Off to Stores,’ sighed Manny.  ‘I’ll add the list to the Overall Inventory and tell Infrasrtucture,’ and they clumped off with baskets clutched in each hand.  Ace and Alex watched them leave.

     ‘More opportunity for exercise,’ he said, trying for a lighter tone.  Physical labour, the number of hands Arc One could put to work in general, wasn’t a problem any longer thanks to the extra two thousand crew.  Accomodation was a problem; the night shift worked on a rota basis to ensure there were enough beds, berths and bunks free for the non-shift crew.

     Patience, we'll get to the food in good time

Conrad Is Sad

As you may have realised, since there hasn't been an item about it in BOOJUM! the Ruffian ruble didn't apparently hit the 100 to the dollar mark at the weekend, and it has recovered slightly.  Art!

     Of course - obviously! - there's always next weekend.  And I also have a potted economic analysis by Konstantin from "Inside Russia" that I transcribed yesteryon.  Big K is always worth a listen to and what he has to say would, if the ruble was a person, scare it into a myocardial infarction.

Finally -

O boy am I glad I dug out that white fan!

*  Actually Ol' Spriggy reckons it would be closer to 750 m.p.h.  Ouch.