A Day For Conspiracies!

If You Cast Your Mind Back To "Chernobyl"

That entertaining and horrifying in-equal-parts series from a few years back, which Conrad was of course - obviously! - watching all the way the way through, then you cannot fail to have noticed how much of a global success it was.

     Except in Ruffia.  Art!

     The Ruffian government was frothing with rage at the program, which dramatised the shoddy construction, inept staff and incredibly stupid behaviour behind the disaster.  They then declared that they'd do their own drama about Chernobyl, except their's would prove - PROVE I TELL YOU! - that it was the CIA who blew up the reactor.  Art!

O SO OBVIOUSLY A SOUTH CANADIAN SABOTEUR!

     That was four years ago and we've not seen hide nor hair of such a program.  It does illustrate how the Ruffians, and before them the Sinisters, were given to conspiracies to suppress the truth, or promote utter lies.

     One chap on Quora, for example, is convinced that the Ruffian's Luna-25 Moon mission is a complete hoax, and that the rocket never took off; it was all a big con to fool the world into believing that the Mighty Sinister Union 2.0 could pull off contemporary lunar exploration.  Art!

 

     

     This, gentle reader, is from an Amazon television series called "A League Of Their Own" which Conrad has never seen nor intends to (Girly sports?  Pshaw!).  Apparently the title is the only thing that links it to the original film, and it's first season doesn't appear to have done particularly well, since Amazon were only going to have 4 episodes in the second season.  Now they've cancelled it completely.  One Abbi Jacobson has railed very loudly at how cruel and evil this is and that Amazon deserve to be in the International Criminal Court for not making those 4 episodes.  She does have an interest here: she is the showrunner and lead actress.

     The conspiracy element here is that the studios are actually WILDLY HAPPY with the actors and writers going on strike in Hollywood, because this provides them with the perfect excuse to ruthlessly dump under-performing shows without looking like malicious bean-counters or The Hooded Claw in a pinstripe suit.  Art!

     This is "The Peripheral", which has critical approval but has also had the plug pulled 'because of the writer's and actor's strike'.  The conspiranoid loonwaffles suspect that it might have got canned because it's extremely costly - $140 million for the first series, or over $17 million per episode.  For Your Information, "The Expanse" cost $3.5 million per episode and that was seen as very expensive.

     Of course - obviously! - what the swivel-eyed bampots really have their eyes on is "The Rings Of Power", which they all hate HATE HATE.  'Not canon' sums up their objections and they would throw a party if it got cancelled.  Art!

     The thing is, this is not impossible.  Season One was supposed to come in at $150 million absolute tops, and instead cost $465 million (!), meaning that the intended 5-season arc would cost $2.5 billion.  The suits at Amazon may well be polishing off a press-release with terms like "Deeply regret" and "Sad duty" and "Our lawyers say we won't be appearing at the ICC."

     Conrad says both watch this space and bring on the popcorn!

Drugs R Bad, M'kay?

Conrad does not have time to explore the mythology and lore of Chechen culture, but wonders if they have a local variant of the Roc in their folktales.  You know, the predatory raptor so large it could easily carry off an elephant in it's clutches.  Art!

     I ask this because there is a rumour going around amongst the Chechens 'fighting*' for Putin in Ukraine of wondrous silliness, possibly due to boredom or illicit substances.  The sinister and eeeevil Ukrainians, who obviously - of course! - fear not the ICC, have developed a drone that is big enough to carry off a wounded Ruffian soldier, in it's 'claws', no less.  These drones have been dubbed 'Baba Yaga' after the wicked witch of Ruffian folklore, and can only be fought off with flamethrowers or grenade launchers. Art!

Baba Yaga drone: artist's impression

     Conrad would recommend either a MANPAD, or silver bullets.

"The War Illustrated"

Let us crack on with Edition 177, and the cover thereof.  Art!

     No need to be quiet, he's not hunting wabbits.  What you see here is, with killing joke humour, a Sinister sapper using an electronic mine-detector to locate mines the retreating Teutons have left in their wake.  The electrical field generated by the coil will be disturbed if it comes across metal, making a distinctive squeal in his headphones.  It time was tight, the Sinisters would send penal battalions into the minefields, on pain of being shot by their own side if they didn't rush enthusiastically towards the Teutons.

"City In The Sky"

Our temporal travellers are being offered all the hospitality that an aging Arcology One can offer, as they catch up on local history.

‘Oh!  Barev dzez.  Oh, - vonts eks?’  and he laughed.  ‘I’m sorry, I hardly ever speak Armenian now.  My accent’s probably gone.  Please, come and sit down.’

     To Ace, this introduction to the future sphere felt completely anti-climactic.  The subdued lighting and partitions made it feel like an office.  The chairs, all bamboo weave, only detracted from that a bit.

     ‘Can I get you a coffee?’ asked Davros.  When they nodded he disappeared to the back of the housing unit, clanked about with cups and water and came back with some excellent ground coffee.

     ‘I expected instant,’ said Ace, smacking her lips to remove the coffee moustache.  ‘Mmmm!’  The Doctor by far preferred tea when making drinks and she made the most of this deliciously creamy cup.

     ‘Instant coffee?’ asked Davros, puzzled, and Ace realised this was a man who had never set foot on Earth in his lifetime, never known the essentials or luxuries of a time before the Big Crash.

     ‘Tut, now, Ace!’ cautioned the Doctor.  ‘Think it through.’

     When she did, the equipment and chemicals needed to process coffee beans into an instant powder meant the alternative – a simple hand-cranked grinder – won out for this environment.

     ‘Perhaps you can explain why you are here, Doctor Smith?’ asked Davros, the very model of polite concern.

     Here you can see the thought that went into the construction of Arcology One, thanks to me.  You're welcome.

The Only Fat Man In North Korea Has A Tant

Kim Jon Bowling-Ball-Impersonator is used to the slave population of his miserable bottomhole of a country doing what he tells them, and his senior officials, too.  Otherwise both will get the chop, the slaves by being starved to death, and the officials by grotesque capital punishments like being fired at with mortar bombs.  Art!

Kim helps relieve the flooding by displacing several tons of floodwater

     The thing is, this sulky little boy has yet to understand that he can't control the weather, and he is consequently blaming everyone else for the flooding that has hit the country of Norkland thanks to recent typhoons.  Art!

"Turn your backs - if we pretend the dam isn't breached, then it never happened"

    At this visit he had to put up with over two square miles of arable land flooded with seawater.  Not only was a square mile of rice paddy destroyed, the land is  contaminated with brine and is now unusable.

     Of course - obviously! - this won't prevent Kim from having his seven square meals a day ...

Finally -

No, I haven't forgotten about Yayoi.  More of her artworks tomorrow.  And, "The Annals Of Urquelomplangia" is coming on wonderfully, I've already introduced the talking wolf and hit 24 thousand words.  You know, I wonder if National Novel Writing Month is still a thing?  It used to be held in November.

Tally ho!

*  I.e. posting on Tik Tok safely distant from the battlefield