Were I To Say "SS America"

You Might Misunderstand

And mis-interpret what I was trying to say, influenced no doubt by that very entertaining and interesting 'counter-factual' by Len Deighton, "SS-GB", which is set a year or so after Nazi Germany successfully invaded This Sceptred Isle.  Art!

     Note that the Teuton font used is Fraktur, which was banned in 1941 because it had too much Jewish heritage to it.  Also note that Craft Ol' Len avoids entirely how the invasion managed to be successful, rather hand-waving it away because there's no way it could have been achieved.

     ANYWAY - you might also be wondering if this is an oblique reference to the South Canadian television series "The Man In The High Castle" written by the inestimable Philip K. Dick.  In Phil's unpleasant alternate reality South Canada is a rump state, sitting between the Nazi-occupied East Coast and the Nipponese-occupied West Coat.  Art!

     Seeing a hoarding with this emblazoned upon it gave Your Humble Scribe a start.

     ANYWAY of course - obviously! - neither of those are what I meant.  'SS America' is the name given to a South Canadian merchant vessel, and when last we looked at her, she'd been taking German and Italian diplomatic legations back to Europe.

     At this point, summer of 1941, the South Canadians were still technically 'neutral', except they were as neutral as Eire and Portugal and leaned distinctly towards the UK.  SS America was to rendezvous at Halifax with a British convoy as part of a six-vessel convoy that would take aboard British troops for transit to India.  SS A took on 6,000 British soldiers and a company of American troops, which meant that any U-boat attack would be upon a South Canadian vessel carrying South Canadian troops.  That kind of provocation would most assuredly lead to a declaration of war.  She was also renamed 'West Point' which is only going to confuse things so she shall remain the SS America in BOOJUM!'s rheumy eyes.  Art!

     As part of convoy WS-12X, SS A sailed under the protection of the US Navy, who provided an aircraft carrier, two cruisers and a flotilla of destroyers.  Quite possibly because of this hefty helping hand, the convoy experienced no problems and arrived at Bombay in late December 1941, by which time South Canada had undergone attack at Pearl Harbour and was now at war with the Teutons, too.

     The next adventure for SS A, after having off-loaded all her troops, was to sail in Convoy BM 11 to Singapore in January 1942.  Yes, that Singapore, the island fortress currently under relentless Japanese attack.  What could possibly go wrong!  Art?

SS America in wartime livery

     Of course, all this is a bit anti-climactic since we all know she survived the war, only to be driven ashore on the Canary Islands and broken in two as the 'American Star'.  That shouldn't be a surprise to you since we wrote about it in the blog a couple of weeks ago, hmmmm?

O Dearie Me!

Conrad said, whilst tweaking the ends of his moustache and rubbing his hands - no simultaneously, you understand, just one action after the other.

     To what do I refer?  The EU's ban on imported Ruffian refined fuels and the imposition of a price cap on this stuff when exported by sea.  According to the ever-reliable Joe Blogs, this is going to really hurt Putin's pockets, because it will also create a synergy with the already-extant crude oil measures.  Art!

40% of Ruffians don't have an indoor toilet

     In fact Joe estimates the annual affect of these measures combined comes to a total of $90 billions or about 5% of the entire Ruffian GDP, at least as it was pre-war.  By now it's probably more like 6% as the Ruffian economy had shrunk by at least 2.5% last year, which is what they admitted to.

     "It's all going according to plan," said Peter The Petrol Pimp.

How To Destroy A Business From Within

Ah yes, another caustic lesson in why South Canadian businesses so often fail.  OP took the first job he could land after leaving the Army, working as a network engineer in IT in a large airport, and he had to stick with it, being an expectant father.  Art!

     He had a manager I classed as a 'Lloyd-George' type; always on hand to take credit for things and always absent when responsibility for failure needed to be taken.  This LGM bodged the transfer of an e-mail system whilst OP was off doing his National Guard fortnight, and when called on the carpet blamed OP for everything.  If anything went wrong, OP got the blame.  Finally, having proof that LGM had made an utter bumbletuck, he was completely ignored by the Chief Information Officer who proceeded to lecture him.  Again.  Conrad at this point is pretty certain that LGM either had blackmail material on CIO or was having an affair with her, because he was a terminal liability, as we shall see.

     At this point OP has had enough and quits on the spot after enduring over 2 years of this nonsense.  Art!

     He immediately gets a much better job with $30 thousand more and far less stress.

     Meanwhile, back at the airport, someone is hired to do OP's old job.  They quit the first time LGM throws them under the bus.   Meanwhile, back at the airport, someone is hired to do OP's old job.  They quit the first time LGM throws them under the bus.   Meanwhile, back at the airport, someone is hired to do OP's old job.  They quit the first time LGM throws them under the bus.

     Yes, this happened three times.  I tell you, LHM had blackmail info on the CIO.

     OP then updates from a couple of years later.  LGM had been escorted out of the building by security, having been caught embezzling airport IT funds to purchase software and hardware for his own start-up.  He was taken to court for the theft of over $1,000,000.  No word on the CIO.

"The Sea Of Sand"

The Doctor has shared rather glum news with Sarah: the invading bio-vores have acquired the TARDIS, forcing him to confront a dilemma.

‘Surely a nuclear bomb can’t destroy the TARDIS?’

          ‘No,’ replied the Doctor patiently.  ‘But don’t forget the HAD System is still functioning.  Under a nuclear attack I hate to think how far away in temporal terms the old girl would vanish to.  Even if she stayed put, I don’t really relish the prospect of trying to release her from being trapped in a cubic  mile of radioactive glass.’

          When they got back to the smokey, hazy depot, the sun had nearly set. 

          ‘Avoid grouping if possible,’ cautioned the Doctor.  ‘The bio-vores have technology that can detect living organisms.  I think we’re safe from an attack here, since there aren’t many of us.’

          ‘Bloody marvellous,’ complained Davey.  ‘Come on, Tam, I know where there’s a crate of Vickers’.  I’m not going to have them nose-goblins creep up on us.’

          Sarah took the opportunity to acquire a change of clothing – a pair of olive drab trousers and a shirt.  She’d have loved a shower, too, and then felt selfish and ungrateful of such shallow thoughts. 

          ‘Keep your sleeves rolled down,’ suggested Roger when she emerged from the mud hut after changing.  ‘Otherwise you’ll burn tomorrow in daylight.’

          The 'Vickers' in question is a heavy machine gun, FYI

Finally -

We're already at count, so I'll keep this coda short and savoury.  As you should surely know, Conrad has been indulging in Korean cookery of late, and whilst clearing out the cupboard that stores all his ingredients, came across a large jar with a rubber seal.  All  it contained were pickled mushrooms, which got transferred to a smaller jar, and now the large one is full of - Art!

     Baechu Kim Chee!  It needs a couple of days to properly mature or ferment NOT 'GO ROTTEN' AS WONDER WIFEY HAS IT and then it's eaten as a side dish or mixed into other recipes.  Go me!