Also, Tyranny And Mutation
Okay, okay, now I have to come up with both of those in the Intro, BUT it does give me a reason to throw a bit of Blue Oyster Cult out there. Art!
Note use of definite article
Firstly, though, let's look at Corruption, just not at Ruffian corruption, because 1) Everyone must be bored of it by now and 2) It would take up the rest of the blog and the next five, too.
I was inspired to cover this topic by Jake Broe, who wanted to prove that yes, the South Canadian military does have corruption, if on a far smaller scale than in Ruffia.
Is Ukraine's Military Corrupt? - YouTube
That's the link to his vlog about corruption, both in Ukraine and South Canada. His first example was an airman who stole USAF equipment and sold it on E-bay, to the value of $50,000. Another instance was an airman stealing what we here in This Sceptred Isle call a 'Jimpy'. Art!
These puppies will put out 15 rounds a second, can kill at a mile and will demolish brick walls that get in the way. Matey had it squirreled away at home; 'It was for shooting vermin' is unlikely to play well in court.
More serious was the case of Stephanie Charboneau, an Army Specialist in Afghanistan, who became part of a ring selling Army petrol to the Afghans and pocketing the money, to the tune of $15 million. This 'Fraud, Waste And Abuse' (the formal description as Jake explained) was uncovered after 2014, by which time it had been running for years. Charboneau was sentenced to seven years in prison in 2014 so she's now at liberty - and probably working a minimum-wage job. Art!
Probably a lot less happy now
Then there was Army Major Cockerham, who took huge bribes in order to land contracts for supplying water to the South Canadian Army in Iraq. He was arrested following an investigation, fined $9 million and is still serving a 17 year sentence. He'd squirreled away $30 million - as detailed in a ledger he kept recording details of his bribes, which was convenient for the prosecution - so he might be expecting to retrieve the remaining $21 million when he gets out next year. As if - once released every police agency in the South Canadian armed forces will be following him.
Jake pointed out that the South Canadian Department of Defence is one of the largest employers in the world, with 2.8 million employees, so, Hom. Sap. being what they are, you are always going to get some people being bad.
Okay, that's the corruption. Tyranny? Art!
Well, Peter The Average is frankly a lightweight compared to the company he's keeping here, and others have wittily described his 'Special Military Operation' as a 'Bargain-bin Barbarossa' (referring to Unternehmen Barbarossa, the Teuton invasion of the Sinister Union), and also the 'Great Idiotic War', a spoof on the 'Great Patriotic War' as the Sinisters liked to describe their Second Unpleasantness experience. There you go, writing that in Russia would get me sent to jail for a decade.
Mutation? Art!
This is the outcome of Cordyceps mutating and jumping the species barrier, from "The Girl With All The Gifts". There is a brief speculation in the novel that it was artificially mutated in a lab, which smacks of madness as once it gets into the world there is no way to stop it's spread. Fungal spores do not respect political boundaries, nor do rampaging hordes of maniacal fungus-riddled zombies.
I think that's enough of this Intro.
The Terror Of Statistics
With a nod of the head to vlogger Joe Blogs, who has been putting out daily content on the economic consequences of Ruffia invading Ukraine. I made notes from his most recent vlog, which can be found at:
It's 26 minutes long, so I shall précis it here.
Firstly, as Joe points out - O hang on a mo - Art!
That neon sign is new
- the information is being provided directly from the Ruffian Ministry Of Finance, so from the horse's mouth to your eyes, gentle reader. The financial performance in January 2023 is in, and it's BAD. The deficit is R1.758 billion, against a projected annual total deficit of R2.93 trillion, meaning January alone accounts for 60% of the overall deficit.
Overall income is down 35% from January 2022, and the Finance Ministry's explanation is not allowed to mention the word 'sanctions', so instead it's the fault of the Sanjak Of Novi Pazar's pistachio harvest.
Income Tax is at a negative total - R72 billion, meaning that the government has been paying people, not getting taxes out of them. This is a fall of minus 137% from January 2022.
Government expenses (no details on what these are) for January 2023 are already at 10.6% of the annual projected figure. This means hitting the annual figure by mid-September, which is when the FOREX funds, a.k.a. 'Putin's Piggybank', will also run out. Art!
Cheer up, Dimya! It could be worse!
Bloaty Gas Tout has said he wants to see more 'positive' financial statements, so this may be the only time we get to see how badly the Ruffian economy is doing. February's figures will be even worse, because that's when the ban on EU refined-fuel imports from Ruffia came in, as well as a price cap.
Better get that private jet loaded with gold warmed up on the tarmac, Dimya.
"The Sea Of Sand"
The repellent Detachment Leader Icono is being briefed by a hapless technician about their ineffectual analysis of the TARDIS.
‘Yes, yes, carry on.’ Icono knew what infrasonics were used for –
to process minerals by the kilotonne.
Under infrasonic stimulation different ores and minerals could be separated
out from sand.
The
technician pointed over to the artefact, with cables trailing to the big,
cone-shaped ultrasonic generator butted up against it.
‘A
pulse would penetrate the object, and be reflected back from the internal
structure, allowing us to plot the layout.’
Another hesitation. ‘The pulse
took an hour to return.’
Icono
had anticipated a revelation about the object being solid, or full of liquid,
or perhaps live aliens. Hearing “an
hour” he stared hard at his minion.
‘An
hour? Why so long? How long ought a reflected pulse to take?’
‘Ah
– approximately eighty milliseconds, Leader.
By implication, this object is far larger on the inside than it is on
the outside. By a factor of several
hundred thousand.’
An
astonished Icono walked over to the artefact.
There it was, upright, innocent, and apparently made of that compacted
fibrous material used to obstruct the approach to the HQ building.
Yet
to be larger on the inside!
‘Er
– these aliens do not have the technology to create a five-dimensional object,
Leader. They are mechanically ingenious,
yes, yet still millenia away from such an artefact.’
Icono
nodded, thinking.
Dark thoughts, undoubtedly.
Lord Peter's Crossword
In defence of my refusal to complete this crossword, I would like to point out that Lord Peter had the assistance of three other people and a library. Here's another 'clue': "Shall learning die amid war's alarms? I, at my birth, was clasped in iron arms (6)"
There's no way I'd have gotten this one: ATHENE
Hist! But let me check my Brewer's. Aha! Athene, patron goddess of Athens and the arts and crafts, who allegedly sprang, fully armed, from the head of Zeus. That must have been one heck of a headache. Art!
"Get me some Ibuprofen!"
Finally -
Your Humble Scribe is feeling rather stubbly, so after posting this scrivel I shall go get a scraping, which always helps boost the self-esteem. O, I have also worked out how to print é and á and ú and í and ó. But no umlauts, so I can't type out BOC properly <sad face>.
Pip pip!
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