Don't worry, I don't expect you to know what an 'Encomium' is and whether you plug it in to play it or spread it on hot buttered toast. In fact it derives from the Greek <hack> and means an official recognition of your outstanding worth. Your Humble Scribe is only familiar with it because I read it in connection with Doctor Johnson, you remember, the chap who invented the dictionary? He was asked a silly question and replied that it was as sensible as training a dog to walk on it's hind legs. Edna can manage that if you bait her with food.
ANYWAY Your Humble Scribe was pondering last night about how to Intro today's blog, possibly involving First Bus. Yes yes yes, low-hanging fruit I know, they deserve it, the dirty curs. Take a look at the weather in Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell yesteryon -
I bet you're all agog at this strange weather phenomenon called "rain", which is totally unexpected in our fair city, the unfamiliarity of which caused bus drivers to panic and drive extra slowly, or to quit their bus and run home to hide under the bed.
Or so I assume, because Yes! the 84 was late (again) and thus had hordes of passengers, who took ages to board. A similar story ensued this morning; the 84 was late, there was a mob waiting to board and there were so many crowds at bus stops all the way into Gomorrah-in-the-Irwell that other services had obviously failed to turn up. Bus drivers still quivering like jellies under their beds, hmmm? "Make the wet falling stuff go away!*"
We'll get to Zirconium in my own sweet time, don't you worry.
Motley! Break out the canoes, time to resort to travelling in the gutters.
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| Do you see what I did there? |
"Minty Python". Heh.
For those unaware, "Trebor" is a brand of strong mints that I put in the charity box afterwards because DIABETES means no sweeties.
Yes, it's the same bottle of Python IPA that I've been using in these shots, so Conrad still has no idea what it tastes like, or even if it tastes. Presumably it does or they wouldn't sell it, would they?
Okay, NOW We Have Zirconium
Happy? Perhaps this one ought to be entitled "Conrad's Frothing Nitric Ire Exceeds All Prior Levels" because, once again, we are critiquing Codewords. SIT BACK DOWN! This is so very much one of the ills of modern civilisation. Those compilers will rue the day when I take over.
"ZIRCONIUM": ARE YOU <long swear redacted by Mister Hand> KIDDING! What, are we suddenly metallurgists now? It's a robust metal widely used in alloys thanks to it's resistance to corrosion. There was something concerning a substitute about diamonds but my seething righteous rancour kind of blocked it out in a red haze. Art!
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| Perky ol' Zircky |
It's a chemical, one of the noble gases alongside it's much-better known cousin Neon. In my Collins Concise it says "Absolutely should NOT be used in Codewords." As before, by my Kreplach! someone's going to pay for this. I shall spend the next thirty minutes in contemplation of what atrocity to inflict.
<short pause to allow the red and purple mists to recede and that blood-vessel in my temple to cease it's bass-drum throbbing>
"SHIATSU": <bites tongue very hard> Be strong, Conrad - remember this blog is SFW - I ask you, asking those trying to solve a Codeword to understand exotic Japanese dog breeds? NO IT IS NOT! in case you were unclear. Art!
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| Funny-looking dog. |
Thank You, Steve
My subconsicous, if you must know. A jolly useful content-generating chap he is too, always diligently working away in the background, content to remain out of the spotlight, unlike Oscar (my memory - because he's so wild**). One does wonder at times, though, as last night's dream was set firmly in Australia, a land so full of Killer Kreepy Krawlies that the KKK are tormented by smaller KKK. Art!
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| The closest I can come |
My host, a genial and burly Australian man, was explaining to me how incredibly deadly the "Twiss Spider" was, and to keep clear of them. He showed me loose dust and debris at the base of his garage wall and proceeded to brush this dirt away, along with the Twiss spiders that had made their homes there. With his bare hand.
One to ponder on there, Steve. One to ponder on.
Another Thing To Ponder On
Thanks, Hazera! She wondered what I will do when made redundant, and I explained about the ever-present Book Mountain.
"You should start a podcast!" she decided, which made Your Humble Scribe stop and stare. "Why a podcast?" I quoth (like The Raven). She flatteringly replied that I have quirky views and an interesting way of putting them across. Thanks again!
I suppose there are fairly easy ways to create a podcast (wild guess time), and I pondered this on the bus ride home. A lot of BOOJUM! refers to visual images and puns, so how would a purely verbal version cope?
I shall put my Pondering Cap on.
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| There's a picture of me in a cap somewhere, which I can't find. Use this and your imagination |
Finally -
Egad! The stars aligned tonight. Your Humble Scribe got to his evening bus stop to see both the 83 and 84 drive off, a-bulging with passengers.
O well, I said, philosophically (and internally - one must not alarm the passing public) I'll just stand here and wait -
Gasp! What's this? Another 84? Those other two must have been running really late for a bus that ought to have been 10 minutes behind them.
Of course, the rains had stopped by this time, so bus drivers must have been emerging from beneath their beds in stunned relief that "the falling water" had gone away. Conrad will cruelly start the rumour that only the sacrifice of a First Bus driver with a silver knife caused the rain to stop.
ANYWAY those two earlier buses had hoovered up all the passengers, in Picadilly and en route, so we whizzed with dramatic ease to Babylon-Lite and I got a bus 10 minutes earlier than yesteryon.
We will wait to see what First Bus drivers make of "The frozen falling water" as the year lengthens!
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| "RUN! SAVE YOURSELVES! THE EVIL WATER IS BACK!" |
And with that, Vulnavia, I am off to see how the Shin Nong Noodle Soup is doing. Pip pip!
* It's a rain of terror **
** I will make an "Ouch" here on your behalf.
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