Whether This Is Good News Or Not Is Debatable
But only you can tell! Nor can you change your mind once it's made up; your choice is unamendable.
"Okay," I hear you question. "What's going on? And why -"
Let me interrupt you right there. First, we need a clickbait-y picture to draw the readers in. Art!
Jewel pawns!
This is the Pearl Royale chess set, yours for just £3,000,000. Made out of white gold and robed in pearls, it is modelled after an original 1849 set. Stuck for an original Christmas present? Look no further.
And now for a bit of doggerel that I came up with, all on my own.
There once was a killer agama,
Who slaughtered in his pyjama.
He used a gavel,
Nicknamed it 'Pavel'
And did it without any drama.
Deathless stuff, hmmm?
Okay, I'll explain what on earth BOOJUM! is doing here. Art!
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| Before |
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| After (No I'm not turning it round. Twist) |
"Wouldn't it be an hilarious jape to compose a story using every word in that Codeword solution!" I told me, and agreed. However, baby steps; instead of a story I'm scattering the words throughout this blog post and highlighting them. Some of those words are pretty obscure and will require special handling, which of course I can manage 'cos I'm good with words, he said, immodestly smirking.
Let us move on apace. Motley! I'm hungry, get cracking with those fajitas!
We Normally Avoid Politics Here -
But this is too juicy to put aside. You may be vaguely aware of a legal case being built against Congressman Matt Gaetz over in South Canada. 'Fratty Matty' or 'Eddie Munster' as he is known, is neck-deep in a quagmire of excrement of his own making. Art!
Matt Eddy
This is the chap who, despite claiming he's done nothing wrong, tried to get a pre-emptive pardon last year. And failed. He's been blacklisted from his former buddies at Fox News and the only other senators to back him have been two swivel-eyed loonwaffles whom he'd probably have rather not bothered. Despite protesting how innocent he is, Matty has now hired a set of verrrry expensive New York attorneys who specialise in <ahem> defending those accused of sexual offences. That's not all, it gets worse for him: the US Secret Service are now involved. You know, the people who defend the person of the President and other big-wigs, so only the lord aloft knows why they're investigating.
Coming soon to Matty!
But wait - there's more! Two special prosecutors have been added to the investigation, who specialise in prosecutions against those who manipulate and coerce minors. You can imagine what this would imply for any potential jurists at a trial.
I've not finished yet, because that would have left Matty only chest-deep in the swamp. No, you see the chap he knocked around with for years, Joel Greenbert, was due to be sentenced in August, after doing a plea deal that reduced his number of offences from 33 to 6. He stands a good chance of only (!) getting a ten-year sentence, rather than 189 years. Prosecutors petitioned for a delay in sentencing for two months, because he was dishing up so much dirt, and by 'dirt' I mean actual evidence, not merely anecdotes. Art!
Venmo receipts, for example
Well, his sentencing has been delayed yet again, to next year, and might not happen until or unless Matty gets charged, so he's still spilling beans. This news probably made Matty sweat gallons over the weekend, as jail is not a pleasant prospect.
The Opposite Of Dozy
Today I watched another episode of "Forgotten Weapons" fronted by Ian "Gun Jesus" McCollom, who was talking about a weapon I'd never heard of: the HK51. Art!
He calls it the "SAS Full-Auto Flash-Bang Dispenser", for a very good reason. Okay, technical point here; this thing is designed as a sub-machine gun, weapons that normally use pistol ammunition. Not the HK51! O no. The SAS and SBS asked if it could fire full-power 7.62 (or .308") rifle ammo, and the designers obliged. You can see it has a very short barrel, only just over 8 inches long. Consequently, when fired on full automatic, it has an ENORMOUS muzzle flash and sounds like sitting inside the bass bin at a Motorhead concert. It's been dubbed "The Angry Gun". If you fired this in a confined space you'd be permanently deafened; mind you, the opposition would look like human doilies. Art!
The original "9" has been changed to "5" in an overwrite
It's absolutely terrifying on Youtube films where you can see the muzzle flash and get an idea of the recoil, amid boot-high piles of expended brass. Art!
Back To The Theme Of 'Derelict'
I acknowledge my debt to one of the webs most sterling websites, that of the BBC, a font of truth and veracity. Art!
Courtesy Therese Elaine
This tragic structure, the West Pier at Brighton and Hove, looms against a delicate puce sky. What's visible above the waves seems to have been part of an even larger structure, to judge by those stumps. Ah, apparently it fell into disuse, was damaged by storms and then by arson and has been declared beyond repair. Even if renovated it would be a somewhat Pyrrhic victory*, as there is already a competing Palace Pier just along the shoreline.
Further To Next Week In The Office
During my remote interview I did mention that I did baking and brought the results into work, which hasn't been possible during lockdown. So, Your Modest Artisan needs to think what to bake and wow them with on 03/11/2021. Chocolate Brownies perhaps? as I can't stand chocolate cake and thus won't be tempted to sample any of them.
Or cookies?
Quickly!
I'm adding this one in so I can use the word brew, as we're now down to only three words remaining on the Codeword. I'll re-use this picture tomorrow and come up with a funny story about it. Or not.
Finally -
What if that killer agama used an axe instead of a gavel? I mean, an axe is obviously a lot more lethal than a small hammer with a low resistance to shear forces, isn't it? Art!
Here we see an axe shaft
Also, perhaps his murder method would be to give his victims a good chop across their larynxes, so even if not killed outright, they cannot call for help? This is all purely theoretical, I assure you.
And because I know you lot are skeptics to the core, here's the evidence:
Chin chin!
* Okay, I was reaching a bit with that one. But I'm having tremendous fun here!
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