You May Be Asking Yourself - What's Different, Then?
Well, for one thing, Conrad picked up a challenge on Facebook that Shirley had herself picked up, when some semi-literate skeptic claimed that "There are no words that begin with "Z" and end in "T" . "ZIT!" instantly responded Shirley.
You know Conrad. Hair-splitting pedantry is his best quality, and mucking about with words is in his blood, so he immediately responded with "ZEST" and if Art will put down his bowl of coal -
Lemon Zest
Could we leave it at that and consider honour satisfied? No we could not! Onward we swept with "ZIGGURAT" which Darling Daughter jibbed at. Allow me to consult my Collins Concise: 'A type of rectangular temple tower or stepped mound erected by the Babylonians in Mesopotamia, from the Assyrian "Ziqquarati", meaning summit". Art!
For your information, the terrain in Mesopotamia was overwhelmingly flat, and the ziggurat stood out as visible to all across many miles, a kind of man-made mountain standing proud in it's impressiveness.
Can we leave it there? Of course not! Let us proceed with "ZIMMERIT" which is entirely legal and permissible, honest. You may never have heard of it, but all those wargamers (and historians) who deal with Teuton panzers of late Second Unpleasantness will roll their eyes and suck their teeth musingly. Art!
Zimerit was a paste applied to tanks in the factory, patterned whilst still moist and then dried with blowtorches - a lengthy process indeed. The idea was a solution to a question never asked: how to prevent magnetic anti-tank mines from being placed on panzers. The Zimmerit meant any such mine stood so far from the steel hull that it simply wouldn't stick. Another pic, Art!
There was one minor problem with this procedure: only the Teutons used magnetic anti-tank mines. Nobody else in the Second Unpleasantness did. So, a typically thorough Teuton response that wasted an inordinate amount of time and delayed delivery of desperately needed panzers to the battlefield. Teuton efficiency, eh?
Are we done yet? NO! Because whilst trying to impress Darling Daughter with my sophistry, Your Humble Scribe also remembered another word that fits the bill: "ZENIT". Except he couldn't quite remember what it was. One session of Google-fi (similar if more Wi than the -fu version) what do we find but - Art!
"Footbollniy Klub Sankt Peterburg" if you want it in Roman lettering. And that name in the middle is indeed "ZENIT" who are at the very top of the Ruffian Premier League; the - er - "Zenith" if you like. They recently gave Moscow a good old shoeing. O go on, let's have a shot of their stadium for all the ballfoot fans reading this. Art!
Looking suspiciously like a flying saucer.
Any normal lexicographer would have given up at this point, which is where Conrad plunges boldly onwards. Art!
Okay, that's our 'in' because the opening title track to the above is "Also Spracht Zarathustra" which translates as "Thus Spake Zarathustra", and the proper Persian name for Ol' Zed is "ZOROASTER" . Thus we are only mildly bending the laws of grammar when we describe a follower this Persian religious figure as a "ZOROASTRIANIST". It's an interesting religion where the lord of light and goodness, Ahura Mazda, is in constant conflict with the lord of darkness and evil, Ahriman.
Ahura looking impressively muscled
We might be reaching a little here, but there is also the record label "Zang Tuum Tumb" from the Eighties and into the Nineties, who were hugely successful and found that nobody could spell their full name, which was thus abbreviated to "ZTT" which is surpassingly close to ZIT which is where we came in
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
Perhaps with a bit of television thrown in, too. After all, we are so determinedly superficial here that it's not clear if what we're analysing is film or television, and given our slapdash and erratic approach, that's not going to change. Let the roasting begin!
"COPSHOP": Ah yes, with it's garish colours this particular bus poster aims to poke you in the eye and attract your attention. Please note the argot used: 'Copshop' not 'Police Station' or 'Precinct 9', as the advert is hoping to rein in a particular breed of viewer - it's a thick-ear thriller about police, with lots of shooting and explosions. Conrad also notes that the protagonist seems to be Gerard Butler, who has carved out a niche in Hollywood for himself as A Hard Man, and more power to his Caledonian elbow. Art!
The reception was rubbish
"CINDERELLA": Another re-make? Really, Hollywood has run out of ideas. One hesitates to wonder how they will 'update' this with as many PC tickboxes as possible, and I guarantee the villain of the piece will be a British character actor. Probably Charles Dance. Art!
For a republic, South Canada loves loves loves the monarchy
"JAMIE": Conrad hates this one by default. The bus poster blurb went on about how it was a true story that got turned into a musical AVOID AVOID AVOID! And it seems to be about a man who slathered himself with makeup and put on a dress. Well, that makes for a film about seven minutes long; eight if it shows him taking his makeup off. Art!
Jamie McCrimmon
And THAT, sir, is a kilt! You go calling that a dress or a skirt around Sauchiehall Street and you'll be carrying your teeth home in a carrier bag. No, no, no, the makeup was to look presentable under the studio lighting -
Don't Worry, I Have Not Forgotten
We were discussing the Nick Cave & Warren Ellis concert yesteryon, and I've gone and used up so much time and space that there's not the remotest possibility of recounting more than a sliver of it. Art - sliver!
Finally -
Just for your information, Conrad is back in the office at the very topmost peak of The Dark Tower for next week, working 09:00 to 17:10, and since tomorrow is Monday, very probably working alone, which is how he likes it, being a surly and uncommunicative swine. He may also get home before 19:00 but we'll have to see about that.
Ts'Tesut Yun!
(Armenian for 'goodbye')
- because with that we are DONE!
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