Conrad, Of Course, Has No Fear!
Well, let me qualify that a little before we proceed. Your Humble Scribe is, of course - obviously! - terrified of spiders, because the ones that scuttle out of cover up here in the wilds where The Mansion is located are more like an octopus wearing a fur coat than anything else. I have seen - and am polygraph-ready on this - one of these monsters calmly strolling back to it's lair with a mouse cat pony clutched in it's hideous arachnoid maw -
Nightmare fuel!
(From the documentary "Eight-Legged Freaks")
ANYWAY Conrad was somewhat surprised this morning to see a resurrected post from Facebook dated 4 years ago, where he was holding forth about the Equinox - and if you're not happy reading about Greek or Latin and how they directly influence the English language then you may move on - because this can be translated as "Equally Dark" since it refers to a day with twelve-hour portions of light and darkness.
Conrad, being wilfully abstruse and partially obtuse and made up of lexicographical abuse, apparently took it upon himself to call this 'Lightism' because just as the equinoctial day is made up of equal parts darkness and light - which is where '-nox' comes from - just so is is made up of light and thus we could have had the 'Equilux' - I don't need to explain that, do I? -
LUXembourg
And, Lo! what crops up in my list (my long, long list; O how long a list it is) of Codewords that push the boundary of acceptability but "EQUINOX". I think you can feel my pain as two of the alphabet's rarest letters combine in a single word.
There is no truth in the rumour that the Coincidence Hydra is looking to have obsidian fang extensions. As if such things exist!
Ah - motley. Let's wrap a pig carcass in flak-jackets and see if obsidian-tipped arrows can do any damage to it, which of course they won't, just asking for a friend.
For cutting bread
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
And perhaps a bit of television as well. You can't sue us for breaking the Trades Descriptions Act because we are legally embodied on Mars, so your solicitors need arms 78 million miles long. Shall we commence the dance? Anything but "Yes" will be ignored.
"GUNPOWDER MILKSHAKE": Egad, the very idea! Conrad cannot calmy and cannily sip milkshakes any more THANK YOU SO MUCH DIABETES but remembers those happy days when he could. None of the recipes he made involved gunpowder. Gunpowder, you see, consists of carbon, sulphur and potassium nitrate, all of which taste HORRID. Not only that, putting this into a mechanism that generates considerable kinetic energy via friction is dangerous. Really, do you want the epitaph on your tombstone to read "Gunpowder Milkshake His Life Did Take"? Art!
A seething septic swill of sewage*
"ONWARD": Hmmmmm do you know, Conrad suspects that this is a very old bus poster that pre-dates the lockdown because 1) it was very faded and 2) I'm sure we've covered this before. So it's not so much 'Onward' as 'Backward' and appears to be an animated film set in a snowy environment. I say, Norway, do you know anything about this?
Norks, ice-sculpting
"Y The Last Man": You WHAT? Damme, you and the Coincidence Hydra are testing my armoured underpants today. Conrad only recently bought the entire eponymous comic book series and will have to re-read it again, since by the time I reached the end I'd forgotten the beginning. If you want to know, this is the tale of Yorick, the last man on Earth when all the other 50% of the male population all drop dead simultaneously, bar his Capuchin monkey. The comic series is spread out over 5 years, so one questions whether this television series will manage to sustain interest quite that long. We shall see**!
Yorick and &
All we need now is for a publishing house to commission an adapter and an artist to work on "Earthman Come Home" and Bob is your father's brother. I think Danny De Vito would be excellent if cast as Mayor John Amalfi. Your mileage may vary.
Conrad Froths With RAGE!
Yes, I know what you're thinking, "Again?" yes AGAIN! because if the envelope-expanding Codeword compiling coprophobes keep on construing complex conundrums as credible, then you get Conrad waxing wrathful. Let the Chlorine Trifluoride of criticism commence!
"OYER": NOT NOT NOT to be confused with "Oyez" because that would be silly. No, this word derives from the fifteenth century "Oyer and Terminer" which were terms for courts held in the counties of This Sceptred Isle, assigned to judges, which predate today's County Courts. WHAT ARE WE NOW LEGAL HISTORICAL EXPERTS?
Oyez, oyster. Close enough.
"TRIPTYCH": Egad! How obscure can you get? - that's not a challenge, by the way. Let me Collins Concise it. Ah - "A set of three pictures or panels, usually hinged so that two winged panels fold over the larger central one" and of course t has a Greek root. Once again, how wilfully left-field can you get? Art!
One has to say that it sounds like an off-peak method of travel on the London Underground. If they ever come up with it as a way of billing passengers, I want a royalty!
"OPPUGN": What on Earth? Your Humble Scribe has heard of "IMPUGN" but this is the first time he's ever seen OPPUGN. A recourse to the Collins Concise reveals that it means to be able to eat unlimited ice cream washed down with handfuls of boiled sweets whilst gorging on cake SORRY DIABETIC PORN THERE I meant that it means 'to call into question'. O how dull. Art!
Diabetic coma imminent
Finally -
Your Humble Scribe is listening to U2 via his headphones, which he described to Darling Daughter last week, whereupon she broke into mocking laughter. This is because they are battery-powered, and one has to remember to turn them to the OFF position or the batteries die and they won't work. Not only that, the headphone jack is somewhat loose and you will find Bono suddenly stops singing mid-verse, necessitating a bit of pluggery-sorcery. I may need to buy a pair that came out after 1997. If so, I shall keep you updated.
When they proved they had considerable depth
* Only half an Egon Ronay star
** Or not.
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