BOOJUM!: From Starboard To Larboard

As You Should Surely Know -

- we here at BOOJUM! sneer and snort at the words "Left" and "Right" and use "Port" and "Starboard" instead, because they're much cooler and also confuse people without a marine or aviation background. Art!

HMS Belfast from port in port

"Port" doesn't seem to have a proper origin, instead taking over the duties of the previous word "Laddebord" (meaning "Loading Board") that evolved into "Larboard". Art!

The thuggish Hawker Typhoon from starboard

"Starboard", however, does have a definite origin. The Old English term for the paddle used to steer any marine vessel was "Stoerborde", which was stuck over the right-hand side of said vessel. This then evolved over time into the word we know and love today.

And that has to be the shortest, pithiest Intro for years.

Motley! Here's a dustbin. Find port and starboard on it and paint them up, won't you?

BOOJUM! Reviews Films (And Perhaps Television, Too)

You know how we manage these things: go solely on the title, generalise hugely and lie if it looks good and guarantees extra traffic. Or ignore any of the above if we feel like it*. Set the oven at Gas Mark Six and let the roasting begin!

"Vigil": At first scan I thought this said "Virgil" and was tolerably excited that we were about to get a biography of the distinctly second-string brother from "Thunderbirds". I mean, how do you charm the ladies when you're essentially a flying HGV driver?

I prove my point. From port.

Whereas Scott can boast about his enormous engines and how his sporty steed can do Mach 27 and would you like a trip in

ANYWAY I accidentally read a blurb that described how this (television series?) was set on a submarine called 'Vigil'. Art!

Mister Putin's Nightmare. From starboard.

"Vigil"? THIS IS SURPASSINGLY STUPID IF TRUE! <ahem> allow me to compose myself. It would indubitably be called 'VIGILANT' or "ARGUS" or "SINISTER SNIVELLING SAUSAGE-SCOFFER SMASHER" perhaps. NOT a word as namby-pamby as 'Vigil'. Bah! And because it's a murder mystery everyone will have a clutch of skeletons in the closet and it was the Captain all along. Next!

SHE'D BETTER BE VIGILANT, HMMM?

"RESPECT": No idea and couldn't care less. Doubtless a neo-spaghetti western set in the town of Respect, where everyone has a clutch of skeletons in the closet and it was the Mayor all along. Then the Wild Bunch show up and everybody dies in the apocalyptic ending, thank you and goodnight Sam.

OBVIOUSLY the sheriff

"EXTINCT": Hmmmmmm this looks like an hideously unfunny cartoon - O I beg your pardon, "computer animation" - aimed at children. Don't tell me, don't tell me, one of the protagonists is an argot-spewing streetwise tough and the other is tender and sensitive and takes ballet lessons, yet over the story arc they reconcile and get married. Then the Wild Bunch shows up and everybody dies in the apocalyptic ending, thank you and goodnight Sam, because only that way does the title make sense. Art!

"Suddenly, two shots rang out ..."**

Having hurled ordure at art, I think we can shamefully slink away. Until next time!

A Touch Of Poignancy

Your Humble Scribe watched the last episode of his "Dad's Army" last night, the one called "The Recruit" and noted the absence of Private Walker. His missing was covered by a scribbled note claiming to have gone off to "The Smoke" (London if we're being formal) to indulge in some spivvy goings-on. Art!

In reality he had become seriously ill and, whilst the episode was being filmed, was lying in a coma in hospital, from which he never recovered. He died three weeks later, much to the shock of the cast and crew. From Series Seven onwards his name was never mentioned again and to the producer's credit, they never bothered to try and cast another actor to play him.

If you are unfamiliar with the term 'spiv' then think of it as 'black marketeer with connections' and you're in the right tennis court. Art!

How Very Apt!

Your Humble Scribe is so impressive/sad/creative <delete where applicable> that he can be found standing perusing cans of beer at the supermarket, not for anything of a particular type - as far as I am concerned it can be pale and ail - but rather a design or name that we can use on the blog. Thus we come to -

How could Conrad resist a brew with such a name? Well, I couldn't, and I didn't and so here it is. I am making a fuss about it because it cost £2.20 and there's not a lot of it, which 'it' turned out to be a stout similar to Guinness. Art!

White hair. Black heart.

Thankfully they hadn't flavoured it with chocolate or grapefruit, which is a particular thing with Brewdog. I flatly refuse to consume anything claiming to be beer that flavours itself with chocolate. Nor pineapple, either, just to get that in before Rekorderlig come out with another ghastly cider variant.

A Water Pie?

Also known as a 'Depression Pie' and not a cookery item Conrad had ever heard of before. Yes, we are back to "How To Cook That" and Prof. Anne Reardon, who was watching a Youtube video on how to make a pie with Coke. Art!

"It's cooking!" lies the Youtuber. "No, it's not," clarifies Anne. It's frothing because that's sugar being added to the Coke. In goes some flour, vanilla and butter on top - Art!

Anne then describes this as being a Depression-era cooking cheat where one used water as the main filling, thickening it with flour, then adding sugar and butter: hence a water pie. This one used Coke instead of water. It came out looking very sloppy (and not tasting of Coke) - Art!

Anne then decided she can go one better and makes her own version as well as the TikTok recipe, using coke concentrate normally found with Sodastream machines, to ensure the bake ends up as Cokey-fied as possible. Art!