Hello Toronto

Atcha, Ottawa!
And so on, for as many greetings as punnery can convey.  
     For today, we take a divergence down a back-alley and then up around Her Majesty's Most Loyal Dominion, Canada.
     Conrad is not entirely sure whom is going to be reading this, so let me define some parameters.
     Firstly, you have the Mother Country.  Art?

Mum and offspring

     That enormous pink area over to upper port is Canada, although I think they have included Alaska.  The Mother Country is Britain and this is the British Empire, the bringer of railways and cricket to various nations across the globe.
     Secondly, and most importantly, Canada is one of the Dominions whom rocks up right alongside the Mother Country when it comes to facing down their Teuton enemy.  The ink on our declaration of war isn't dry before the Canuckistanians are in there, too.  Which war?  Doesn't matter, the Canuckistanians are right in there.  For such a polite and well-mannered nation they really can't wait to poke a bayonet into someone's innards.

"Dear sir - may I introduce this sharp metal instrument into your gizzard?"

     The Canuckistanians really get a raw deal in terms of popular recognition for their feats in the First AND Second Unpleasantness.  Their armies were volunteer, for one thing, up until almost the end of the Second Unpleasantness. This meant that they were highly-motivated and unlikely to sit about drinking tea complaining about the weather, not if they had the opportunity to show the foe how sharp a bayonet was.  Plus there was Canuckistanian industry -
     But we are getting tangential to our tangent.
     The reason for this paean (Greek origin, and another word you never imagined you were going to see today) to Canada Fair is a paragraph in Peter Caddick-Adam's "Sand And Steel", where he emphasises one of the problems of coalition warfare.

Speaking of which -

     In days of old, being part of a multi-national coalition merely meant you needed to be able to understand their weird, barbarous un-English language and perhaps be a bit fluent in Fraktur, too.  Not so in the jolly old Twentieth Century, because even if one could understand the way South Canadians spoke the Mother Tongue, there were all sorts of differences.
     Not so with the Canuckistanians!  (also known as the British Americans here on BOOJUM! which term we will avoid using for fear of confusing you).  As Ol' Petey says, their commonality with the British extended to " - ranks, doctrine, equipment, weapons, artillery, calibres of ammunition, vehicles and staff systems -" which means you can swap units around willy-nilly with no problems.  

Skirts or kilts?  I think we should be told!

     Ol' Petey doesn't mention it, so I shall: "Canloan Officers".  These were Canuckistanian officers who volunteered to serve in British units and one reason this was successful was the commonality above.     Motley!  You are sentenced to stand in the corner until you can recite the Canadian national anthem.
Meanwhile, At Pine Forks Missile Base -

     NOTHING TO SEE HERE.  MOVE ALONG NOW.

A Little Musical CritiqueYes, we are back at "Blinded By The Light" again, and - now, now, Bruce, don't snivel so, it doesn't become you.  Let us whale into your song lyrics, shall we?

Some silicone sister with a manager mister

This is probably highly offensive to all social justice warriors

Told me I got what it takes

WILDLY ambiguous.  To be what - a bank-robber? nuclear physicist?  coal miner?

She said "I'll turn you on sonny to something strong

IS THIS A DRUGS REFERENCE!!

Play the song with the funky break"

Sorry, you need to be a little more specific than that.  Just a little.

And go-cart Mozart was checkin' out the weather chart

Not an image I would ever consider myself

To see if it was safe outside

Ah, this is obviously a reference to South Canadian tornadoes.

And little Early-Pearly came by in his curly-wurly

This sounds vaguely dirty and rude and I don't think I like it

And asked me if I needed a ride

IS THIS A SEX REFERENCE!!

Asked me if I needed a ride!

Perhaps not.

     Box of Andrex for Brucie!

Someone Is Embarrassed**
Conrad was mildly diverted to hear James Holland, the one-man publishing empire, had been part of a program called "Hunting Hitler" and that he felt ever so slightly ashamed of doing it for the money.  Perhaps this is why he joined in so emphatically on the "We Have Ways" podcast about Hitler myths.  One thing he mentioned was that he was contractually obliged NEVER to admit that Herr Schickelgruber was really dead, since the program's ass-backwards logic was "Hitler survived the war and <add conspiracy theory here>".  Art?

"I feel so dirty and morally besmirched"

     How they managed to squeeze three seasons out of that premise baffles Your Humble Scribe, especially as both Jim and Al on the podcast ladled scorn on the Wehraboos who dreamily believe their beloved Schickelgruber is still hiding in the forests of Argentina, getting ready for a Third Unpleasantness.  Nope.  Sorry, dead as a rock.  Besides, he'd be about 130 now and rather frail for a would-be dictator: it doesn't come over well when you can't get out of a chair without assistance yet you want to enslave the masses.

BOOJUM! Connects You To Your Inner Slav
For yes, we are back to Marketa's list of 28 unusual Czech words that you can slip into your everyday English conversation, where tone of voice will get across the concept if not the detail, and you can thus get away with an insult whilst sounding cool.
     O Marketa!  Slap us with some bitchin' Czech argot***.
     "Fiflena": A woman obsessed with clothes and makeup.
     <odd noises off as Conrad bites his tongue ferociously>

Ahoj fiflena!

     And with that, we are done!
* Not present today**  Not me.  I have no shame.
***  See how effortlessly I manage to be Street?