The Ears Hears

Well Of Course They Do
If your ears could smell, then you'd be set up for a career in circus sideshows or talent shows on television, and, given that your ears have a larger surface area than your nose, I bet you'd be hot stuff as The Human Bloodhound.
     Which is a slightly peculiar way of introducing a podcast that I have stumbled across without recollecting exactly how - the usual internet search for astrobiology or cool science fiction artwork, probably - and which concerns the Second Unpleasantness.  The creators and narrators are two people I would never have thought to put together, yet they work.  The podcast is "We Have Ways Of Making You Talk", and I ought to inform you of the younger generation that this cliche phrase was attached to Gestapo members by the media of Perfidious Albion.
     Member One is James Holland, historian and author, and if Art can -
            
                         I have this one!                                                             Ol' Jim
     Jim is a Proper Historian, with a scad of books published and everything.  I have several of them already.
     Member Two is Al Murray, comedian, musician (drums) and writer, who actually studied Modern History at Oxford University, and who has long had a fascination with the Second Unpleasantness.  Art?

I have this one, too!

     Here an aside.  Two in one day - lucky you!  You may be more familiar with Al in his persona of The Pub Landlord, and I've got one of his CDs knocking around somewhere; probably where all the CDs are stored, in the "P" box, NOT the "T" box thank you.  25 years ago he was performing at the Edinburgh Fringe with Harry Hill (who trained to be a doctor, you know) 
               
                            I have this one, too!                         NO ART NOT THAT KIND OF DOCTOR
     - and they needed to fill a ten minute spot.  Since they had been performing on a stage set up as a bar, Al put it to Hal that he go on as a pub landlord and on gaining agreement scribbled down some material on the back of an envelope, which was a storming success and here we are, 25 years later.
     They have been podcasting since early April on a weekly basis, intending to cover An Artefact, and an Forgotten Thing, either an event or person, and have already generated an idea for BOOJUM!  Not sure if my conscience will allow me to prate on about it without acknowledgement.  Sadly, the idea of being able to listen to it and type this up has gone by the wayside as it requires altogether too much attention.

The rapscallions in question

     I say, motley, we've just cleared the fallen leaves out of the swimming pool, put in a new filter and re-chlorinated.  Care for a swim?  We have cocktails!

The BBC - Suffering So You Don't Have To
If you recall, and you had better as this is the only thing between your descendants and mind-controlled slavery in the uranium mines when my starship invasion fleet gets here, BOOJUM! did do some film reviews earlier this week.  More informed by the spirit of Frothing Nitric Ire than Mark Kermode, I'm afraid, because that's how we do business round here.  In one review we took both aim and and objection to "The Playmobil Film", which from the title alone is a crass attempt to mimic the success of the Lego films.  Art?

I think Art is making a point.

     Okay, Art, I won't use the Elephant Prod to discipline you later, only the Weasel Prod.  Deal?  Now, let's try again, shall we?

     Apologies for the poor quality shot, but I simply can't bring myself to care enough to get another.  In case your eyesight is a victim of age or infirmity, the caption reads "There's no way of knowing how awful this movie is".
     WELL OF COURSE THERE IS!! Simply pay attention to what Conrad has to say about it.  Also, note that character above.  How could they have evolved into a viable civilisation without having mutually-opposing digits?   Hmmmm?  Answer me that!  Their hands resemble lobster claws.  When was the last time Hom. Sap. felt threatened by lobsters?

I shall treat this with the contempt it deserves.

Talking Of Space Opera -
Yes, I realise that calling LMFM "Space Opera" cheapens the genre and my sense of self-worth, but I needed a link to the next item and it's not as if any of you pay to read my scrivel*.
     Anyway, I am a member of that perfectly splendid Facebook group "Space Opera", because it's a genre I'm interested in, and the people there are (for the most part) pally and knowledgeable.  There are some rules, which are not terribly hard to follow, and yet - and yet - The site admins keep on having to ban people, which they do in an extraordinarily interesting way - by using an Orbital Strike on them.  Not sure if I can bring up an image or not - 

"Fiery destruction was visited upon the offender"

     The rules are not complicated: don't insult other members; don't pimp your wares EXCEPT on the designated Pimp Your Wares Day, which comes up once a month, don't descend into contemporary politics.  Your Humble Scribe did have an insight into this, which he shared, and which was popular, after a newcomer queried the Orbital Strike executions for that month.  Ahem -

Well, some people cannot overcome their irresistible inherited urge to be an Utter Asswipe. Which they do in public. On a social media platform. Which explicitly warns AGAINST insulting, selling or politicking. Sometimes it's a Glory Hog Diva Death, other times it's an I'm So Special You Wouldn't Dare Ki - Death. Read the rules, follow the rules, you'll not have a problem.

     Well, having ridden the FTL speedstership into the starbow at the end of the universe - or was that the bus to Ashton? - I think it's time to say Dosvidaniya!




*  Although, should you feel the urge ...