If All Goes According To Plan -

You Probably Won't Read This Until Tuesday
Unless you're one of those eager beavers who don't wait until stuff gets linked over on Facebook and Twitter, and who get the <ahem> "skinny" hours before anyone else does.  True fans!  Or obsessives, I'm not fussy about either, traffic is traffic.
     Anyway, as I may have mentioned in passing once or twice <seventeen times! because I counted them - the grisly truth courtesy Mister Hand> it was my birthday on Saturday, and this evening Darling Daughter and I are going to Mowgli's to celebrate that salient fact. 

Mowgli's:  Indian street food

     Since I am working until 18:00 I don't anticipate actually eating anything until 18:30, and we may be going to the pictures after that, so Conrad may not be getting back to The Mansion until very late.  Hence no BOOJUM! today, unless - once again - you're one of the Eager Beavers.      I wonder; should I not publish this at all and instead have a double-length post on Tuesday?  Or would that be an embarrassment of riches*?  I don't know if you can overdose on scrivelled wibble, and perhaps it would be unwise to test that ignorance.
     Righto, motley, do you want me to save a couple of chat bombs from Mowgli's?  O don't wince so, they're a perfectly innocuous veggie concoction!  Art?

Thus

"U.F.O."
Let us now simultaneously jump both backwards and forwards in time, which is a neat trick when you can manage it.  Conrad fervently hopes that futurologist Gerry Anderson is wrong about this one, because - well, you'll see.
     Ol' Gezza postulated that, ten years into the future, incursions by alien UFOs have become so predatory and so numerous that the major world powers club together out of sheer necessity to protect Planet Earth.  Uncomfortable bedfellows they may be, yet bedfellows they most certainly are.
     Hence, S.H.A.D.O.  Or, "Supreme Headquarters Alien Defence Organisation".  Art?

The SHADO knows

     This is all kept above top secret, with the facts about the existence of hostile and aggressive aliens restricted to SHADO members alone.  Any outsider who stumbles across the truth gets a dose of amnesiac drugs, if they're lucky.  One suspects outsiders in the Sinister Union/Ruffia would merely and conveniently "disappear".
     Why keep this a secret?  For a couple of reasons.  One being the revelation that we're not alone, and that our neighbours are extremely unpleasant, would have a major and destabilising effect on human society.  Cats and dogs living together, mixed fretwork classes, passing the port to the left at dinner parties, all that sort of thing.

Property prices would probably take a hit, too

     The second point is that we're not helpless, exactly, just on the back foot for the foreseeable future and not likely to be able to do anything but react defensively.  Being told you have to sit and take it, whilst smiling politely, would go down perfectly well in Perfidious Albion, as that's our national way - but can you imagine the South Canadians putting up with that?  Heck no.

"Hi!  Time for you to die!"

     This is fascinating stuff.  I think we'll continue with this on a later date.  O yes!

Sad Or Impressive Or Both? You can wait until actually reading this before making up your mind.  I don't mind which you choose. <this is a massive great lie, the old biffer will track you down if you opt for sad so beware! the ghastly truth courtesy Mister Hand>      The moment I saw the title illustration I knew - actually, Art -

Forever Imber

     For, how do you think the army of Perfidious Albion manages to train in what I think is still called DIBUA and FIBUA?**  Why, they take over a village in 1943 and refuse to give it back afterwards <rubs hands, tweaks moustache ends and cackles>.  That village was Imber, and as you can see from the view above, the houses have been replaced by rather grim substitutes.  The only structure that still remains as was is the church, although the interior has been gutted.  There are some unusual street decorations nearby -
              

     The population of Imber used to be allowed into the village on a few days in the year, but they've mostly died off by now.  Instead, curious members of the general public now make a day out of it, which is a bit odd given that the "houses" are mere shells - do you see what I did there? - with nothing to recommend viewing, and where you are more likely to be frightened by a thunderflash than a thunderbolt.

Not that kind of - O never mind.

 
     Tanks for the memory, you might say***.

     There will now be a short pause as Your Humble Scribe wraps himself around some lunch and quaffs some water.

"The Town That Floated Away"
When I Googled for novels directed at Young Adults, concerning towns that embarrass themselves by becoming mobile islands, I came across the tome above, and it took me a few minutes diligent digging to realise that, no, it wasn't the one I was looking for.  Art?

Not the one

     This novel concerns a town in New Zealand -
     Here an aside.  Everyone and their uncle has heard of New Zealand, especially since they filmed a series of films about the "Lore of the Strings"  about guitarists, or some such shizzle, right there on the islands.  Who amongst us is familiar with Old Zealand, or just plain old Zealand?  Does it even exist?  Hang on <Googles>
     Aha!

Zeeland, a province of the Netherlands

     It appears that New Zealand was named by Dutch explorers, who got around quite a bit back in the day (doubtless mentioned at length in Simon Schama's "Embarrassment of Riches").
     Where were we?  Oh yes.
      - a town in New Zealand that floats away from the mainland when a annual ceremony intended to (literally) cement it's place in the world is neglected.  And that girl on the cover is left behind, whereupon she begins to shrink, because - whyever the heck not?
     It was at this point that I realised NO this is not the book I was looking for. 

Have I started something?

Enough Composing, I'm now going to Publish.  Hello you Eager Beavers!


*  An in-joke
**  "Defending In Built Up Areas" and "Fighting In Built Up Areas".  Just so we're clear.
***  Ouch.  And I'm not sorry.