Killer Keels

 A Touch Of The Metaphorical There
I refer, of course, to the South Canadian submarine service, because all submarines have keels - don't they?  Conrad admits he is not up to speed on naval nomenclature, where men with beards like to confuse the issue by calling 'Left' 'Port' and 'Right' 'Starboard', and the front bit of a boat is the 'Bow' - take one, ladies! - and the back is the 'Stern' - which is what I am.

A submarine circa 1127 AD

     Anyway.  You have no doubt heard of late that The Only Fat Man In North Korea met with President Trump, which event probably caused the South Canadian Secret Service to have an epic case of the Purple Screaming Wim-Wams.
     If only they knew.
     "Eeek!  Eeek!  Squeak squeak neekerbreek!"* they would have been expostulating (don't worry this is SFW).  Cue endless worries about what the Norks might be planning.
     Well, Conrad rather strongly suspects that the South Canadian navy had a couple of SSGNs parked off the coast of Norkland, waiting to see if either shoe dropped.  Art?

A submarine circa last Tuesday

     These things aren't exactly secret, it's just that they're not talked about much.  They look like any nuclear missile submarine - SSBM if you want to be formal - except they aren't.  Instead of carrying ballistic missiles, these big grey beasts carry cruise missiles, to the number of 154 of the unmanned deliverers of bad news.  Being a Tomahawk, they can either be fitted with a conventional HE warhead or a nuclear one, so whoever is on the receiving end doesn't quite know what to expect, although it wouldn't be pleasant.

A Tomahawk - spare us the chopper**

     I doubt that there are 154 targets of worth in the whole of the northern peninsula, let alone 308; to work out how many you'd only need wait until nightfall and see which bits of the country are lit up.

Spot the capital cities

     And with that venture into Current Affairs, let us now strap the motley to the top of a car and send it through the car wash!

Talking Of The Norks -
Conrad was musing this morning whilst brewing a pot of tea, which is generally a sign that the world ought to start worrying.  What would it be this time - gamma ray lasers? Neutronium bombs? Engineered rikettsial viruses?

A neutronium bomb.
(Someone else was thinking along the same lines as I?  That's not good)

     None of the above.  Instead I pondered where the word "Laggard" came from.  Of course you know it means to be slow, behind the rest and not likely to make the finish line first, didn't you?
     It is derived from the verb "Lag", which itself may have a Norwegian (the friendly Norks!)  origin, after their "Lagga", though that would be pronounced "Layya".
     Which brings me onto what I wanted to mention: the word "blaggard" -
     - except I think that's enough English etymology for one day.  Maybe tomorrow.

The Youth Of Today
I have, of late, started to watch the first season of "The Rockford Files" from the beginning, and this came up in conversation with Darling Daughter and Quiet Tom during our meal at Mi & Pho, when we touched on the subject of trailers.
     Here an aside.  Tom mentioned that the first trailers for "Venom" did not feature the titular character - I'm not sure whether it's a hero or villain so shall remain on the fence about that bit - which concerned critics and fans.  After all, if you don't trail your coat even a little bit, does that mean your central character is a bad CGI?

Perhaps!

     Anyway, the trailer I saw went quite the other way.  Having seen it, I don't need to bother with the film.  Art?

I do worry it's going to bite it's tongue off.

     I then mentioned that TRF, in common with other South Canadian shows of the time, had a pre-credits sequence of clips from that particular episode, kind of a trailer in itself, which gave away important plot points.  'Kojak' used to do this, too.  Not really sure why, if you know, send an explanation along in the Comments.
     Both Sal and Tom looked blank when I mentioned TRF.  Blank!  I ask you, one of the most highly-regarded South Canadian television shows ever made (not just me talking, there are statistics to back this up) - and they'd never heard of it.
     Bah!

Finally -
 - because we've had bombs and missiles and hideous symbiotic monsters, I think we should end with - let's see - hmmm - ah!  Yes - Art?

There you go

    The Great Pink Sea Snail from that hideous farrago "Doctor Doolittle".
    Why?  Why not!

     Later!


*  "Lord of the Rungs" reference there.   A fantasy novel about ladders, before you ask.
**  Echo and the Bunnymen reference there.