I Tell - Of Tellurium

SIT BACK DOWN!
Chemicals and the periodic table are interesting, they are.  Or they are if you're looking for things that are poisonous, or radioactive, or explode if you so much as look at them - Azidoazide Azide (IIRC) I'm looking at you!
     So.  We come to the element Tellurium: Te52.  After the terrifying qualities of both Astatine and Protactinium, Tellurium is a bit of a bore.
     What's that?  Why bother mentioning it?  Wellll, I did mention hurling the motley into a pool of molten Tellurium and now have to follow through with the feasibility of such a notion.

Er - William Tell-urium, anyone?

     Tellurium is named after "Tellus" which is Latin for "Earth" and please notice how I refrain from terrible puns there.*  
     If we assume that your average backyard pool - and here we default to a South Canadian perspective, for there are very, very few locations here in the Allotment of Eden that can sustain a swimming pool in their back yard - holds 20,000 gallons, then the financial cost of filling it with liquid Tellurium would be heavy indeed - £1,600,000 to be precise.
     "Oh no!" I hear you chorus.  "And I was just about to order it in for the weekend!"
     Leaving aside your obvious sarcasm, I should also point out that Te52 only becomes liquid at temperatures above 4500C, so you're going to need some extensive heating modifications to that pool.   Art?

Heating elements.  O I slay myself.

     That electricity bill is also going to be a whammer.  The only interesting thing about Tellurium is that those who absorb a significant dose end up having a disgusting garlic-scented breath, until it gets excreted.
     Now, time to open the bomb bay doors and drop the motley off on a dummy concrete missile!

No, Art, the bomb bay doors -

"Oh My God, The Tank Is On Fire"
No, no, not literally.  As mentioned yesterday, Nick Moran, who runs The Chieftan's Hatch over on Youtube, decided to do an emergency exit test on several tanks, beginning the process with the words above.  And as mentioned yesterday, the Panther was a chore to get out of.
     The T34 also proved a bit of a beast to bolt from.  Partly this is due to Nick's stature, as he is about 6' 4" and I've no idea how he managed to contort himself into some of these metal monsters.  Art?

The contorting Chieftan

     There is a recommended way to get out of a T34, which is probably impossible for a gangling giant like Nick.  Above is him contorting his painfully slow way outside.  Art?

An undignified exit

     There he is, rolling off the glacis.  Bear in mind that, in action, he would be a plump juicy target for any opponents with a gun.
     Some of the unkinder comments on his video expressed an opinion that he'd move considerably faster if the tank was really on fire.  I dare say he would; I doubt he'd want to put it into practice, as exeriencing what a joint does in the oven is not high on anyone's list of Things To Do.

A Case Of Cold Balls
OR
Cricket Fans - As Conspiranoid As Ballfoot Fans?
NO!  We are not being NSFW - take your soiled minds out of the drainage sump.  I refer, OF COURSE, to that alleged match-fixing process during some ballfoot selection.  The selectors picked plastic balls out of a bag, and the contention was that ones specific to certain teams had been kept in the fridge, or left on a radiator, so that those doing the picking knew which was which.  Art?
     Just so we're clear.
     Of course, there was absolutely NO EVIDENCE of this cheating, which, according to the conspiracy theorists, is actually irrefutable proof that it happened, and is your tinfoil hat on tightly enough?     "What does this have to do with the noble and ancient sport of cricket?" I hear you ask.

Where they play

     Good question!  It has to do with the comments in the HYS section of a BBC sports page about the recent Test series between England and Pakistan.  England did dismally in the first Test, and then proceeded to trounce Pakistan in the second.

Conrad.  Stumped.

     Oh my!  Every third comment was "Fix", "It's a fix", "THEY fixed it", "Who was  Ambrose Bierce?" - no, I made that one up.  There wasn't any evidence offered, no proof, nothing at all but bare-faced assertions, nor of how it was fixed nor why.



     I'm not sure what this proves, apart from 'Supporting a sport is baaad for your mental health" and just wait until the World Cup starts later this month.  Boy oh boy, the loonwaffles will be out in strength then!


*  Self-restraint.  Not all of us have it.