BOOJUM!: Thursdash -

Yes, Gentle Reader
Conrad is going to the Pleasant Inn's pub quiz tonight, which of course imposes a nine 0'clock deadline on the evening's blogging activity. Not only that, he is going out tomorrow night and won't be coming back until Saturday morning, so - a skeletal blog tomorrow if at all. Nor would I be able to do the shopping tomorrow, so it's a case of doing it tonight, further narrowing the window available to entertain, educate and baffle you all (not necessarily in different posts, either). Plus I need to iron a shirt. Really, I do - to wear after work tomorrow.

The Great British Bake Off
Okay, I will really review this tonight, after yesterday's tease. I made notes whilst watching yesterday, you know - no effort too great to be the better didact for you, dear audience.
Signature: the contestants had to bake a giant custard tart, which the targe Hollywood stated had to have a "nice crisp base and silky custard" and given how fussy he was about the individual custard tarts earlier this year, Conrad knew things were going to be tense and taut. They were. The pastry crust had to be as thin as possible - but if it gets too thin then it will spring leaks*, and these people made things difficult for themselves - they were making fruit compote from scratch, for all things holy! Conrad liked the trick with clingfilm as one thing that is awkward about pastry is getting it to drape over the tin/base properly without it tearing like a rotten sock.
Luis got the plum on this one.

Still life with lemons

Technical: again this was a Hollywood assignment - Mini Pear Pies. The bakers had to poach pears until soft, whilst making a puff pastry. The pastry had to be wound round the pear in strips and baked - but caution! If the pastry goes on whilst the pear is still hot, it will fall off like a kicked blanket.
What makes the Technical tricky is that there's no rehearsal and the instructions are filleted to provide less than enough information. Richard's were probably the worst of the lot, poor fella, Bob the Cowboy Baker, but it was an especially nasty challenge. Martha did surprisingly well, much to her delight. Thanks, Paul.

Martha. Still in primary school

Showstopper:Tiered Pies. Pies, built up on a stand, two savoury and one sweet. Norman's was both bland and peculiar, Richard's burnt on top and Martha's leaked like a colander, horrid orange fat dribbling out like the lifeblood of the pie. Nancy did pretty well and Chetna recovered from the wicked accusation of "flavourless" in the Technical, but the winner was Kate, who's pies were crusty in the best sense of the word.

Kismet, Kate.

Given the pressure, the deadlines, the presence of judges who don't mince words, and other bakers who have both breadth and depth of experience - there is NO WAY! Conrad is ever going near this programme himself.
(I have indicated the requisite puns in bold)

Chivalry
What what what? Yes, that concept dating from Medieval times, about knights errant doing noble deeds and not swearing or picking their nose at the dinner table - it was something like that, wasn't it?
Anyway, it is derived from the French "Chevalerie", which in turn derives from "cheval", which is French for horse, because to be a knight you had to have a horse. Several horses, in fact, who would be looked after by the squire.
This little post is because Conrad is reading about the battle of Agincourt, where once again and very much against the run of play, the French got a right shoeing from the English (which included the Welsh but not the Scots as they were an independent country - and here Conrad trespasses into both politics and current affairs and stops -)

Hoarse. Close enough

The Metro
Things must be bad in the world, the Metro today has lots of actual news in it, nearly all of it bad if not utterly woeful, firmly cementing Conrad's refusal to deal with real-world issues as they require lots of tissues.