Grumpy Old Man Stays Dry

Sorry!
No laughing derisively at an old man angrier than a cat wearing a collar, for today.  If I get caught in the rain tomorrow, really drenched, then you may get a photograph but for the meantime I remain with my pipe and slippers*.
     People did seem to like the video clip on Facebook, so here is a link if you want a liquid laugh:

https://www.facebook.com/rob.connolly.9693

     And there you are, pilgrims.

The Atacama Desert
Nope, no idea why this popped into my mind.  But it did.
     "What is it, Conrad?  And where is it?" I hear you asking**.  

Is there life on Mars?  No.  And none in the Atacame, either.

     Well, it's a desert - obviously! - in Chile.  Not particularly big in comparison to the Gobi or Sahara, but good lord aloft is it barren.  Nothing but salt flats in the driest non-polar desert on the planet, all 100,000 square kilometres of it.  In fact some parts south of Antofogasta are so barren they resemble the surface of Mars and were utilised as a baseline for NASA when carrying out research prior to launching Curiosity et al to Mars.  Nor is this a recent status, Spanish explorers bewailed how utterly empty it was, back in 1569.  You and I may pass on, but the Atacama is going to stick around.

Television Magazines
Conrad had to queue and wait for his Large Espresso this morning, directly opposite the in-house shop's magazine stand, and he noticed that there are more magazines dealing with television than there used to be.  Back in his day you had two: the Beeb published Radio Times (which also included television times) and ITV published TV Times (which didn't feature radio times).  The Radio Times was always slightly superior to the TV Times, which - frankly - had a touch of the tabloid about it***.

You cannot go wrong with a cover like this.

     This mild criticism is almost praise compared to the gaudy soap-spouting comics-with-text Conrad espied.  "What's On TV" had a big photo of a bald bloke and the shouting headline "PHIL CHEATS!"  Who is Phil?  What is he cheating at?  Why - actually Conrad doesn't give a fig, let's move onto "Total TV Guide", which is slightly less brash,

But would you trust this man with your children?  Eh?

 and ooh look, there's ""TV and Satellite" which is positively restrained by comparison.

Conrad is unsure exactly what "Corrie Fireworks" are.  Some northern variation made with tripe?

More Metro-Malleting
Conrad has come to enjoy throwing coarse vituperation at this toxic tat-rag, and today he uses Statistics! to beat it over the metaphorical head with a knobkerrie.
     Of course my focus is on "Guilty Pleasures", and an article on J-Lo, who appears to be transexual, real name "Angelo" or something like that, corrupted to "J-Lo".  Of course, I could be wrong.
     This article about J-Lo takes up a third of the page, and has three photographs - because you might forget who they were if there was only one photograph - and a big bold headline that itself takes up 5% of the article.  The whole thing has 150 words, of which only 73 belong to Jello^.  The kicker is that it's all lifted from another magazine in the first place!  "Elle" if you want to know.

Jello.  Close enough.

An aside - the Metro front page has "Pixie and Frankie" and I had to get Anna to show me who was who, and I've forgotten already.

Doctor Who
Not the current touchy-feely resurrection with politically correct casts and scripts and big budget special effects.  No!  Conrad is talking about the days of cheap monsters, wobbly cardboard scenery, Zoe in skirts shorter than Jamie's and where men were men, women were likely to be killer androids and where death was an occupational hazard.
     Enter the Quarks.  These vicious little rascals tootled along in the wake of their owners, the Dominators, who liked destruction for it's own sake, amongst blowing things up and killing people to keep their hand in^^.

"These two Quarks were on a hill, and this Dominator - stop me if you've heard this one before -"

     The Second Doctor aptly described the Quarks as "appallingly dangerous", and don't be taken in by their small stature, they can turn you into a Sunday roast in three seconds flat.  They never turned up in the old series, though they did in TV Comic^^^ quite frequently, so perhaps if Steven Moffat is looking for an old foe to re-invent ...

That's Quark, and next to him are Strangeness and Charm
(With apologies to Hawkwind and physicists everywhere)

The Daschund
Conrad witnessed one of these peculiar small dogs being walked today, and reflected long enough to think "Why?"
     They are German in origin, right?  And the Germans like their sausages, yes?  So - they bred a pet that reminded them of their favourite food.

One of an hilarious series, skitting British attitudes to the Daschund.
Yes the Germans do have a sense of humour!

*  Metaphorical pipe and slippers, thank you, Conrad isn't quite that advanced in his dotage
** Cybernetic ear implants, you know
***  Mister Hand apologises for the fearful snobbery Conrad is exposing.
^ I have decided this is how it's pronounced.
^^  After all, a chap's got to have a hobby!
^^^ No, NOT "What's On TV"!