Books, Bins And Blogging

"But Screw Your Courage To The Sticking-Place"
As you area aware, Conrad has a sense of priorities that do not necessarily sit well with others.  For example, he hoovers the Upstair Lair when he feels like it.  Generally this means the carpet has to crunch underfoot before he hauls the Dyson upstairs, and so it was today.  First of all, however, he had to organise the piles of books lying all over the floor into a somewhat less random arrangement.
     I'm sure you see the problem inherent in this objective; the danger of "Oh!  I'll just have a quick look at that ..." and a job that ought to take ten minutes still hasn't been finished an hour later.
     Well, we got there in the end. 

The definitive "Before" shot

      In the process I actually THREW OUT 3 books.  One was Jose Latour's very disappointing "Comrades In Miami", which is very dull compared to his other stuff that I've read.  The second was the old Argos catalogue - hey it's still a book! - and the last was as seen below:

Beer, cream cakes, book and dehumidifier.  A life in four items

     I admit to a pang or two at binning the erstwhile Prof. Asimov's book, so allow me to explain:  it was published in a paperback edition in 1979, ergo probably written in 1978.  Well, it's been totally outdated by the discovery of extra-solar planets from the 90's onward, and it also takes a disconcertingly long time to move past basics in defining a civilisation, or extraterrestrials.  Probably got paid by the word.

Neatness exemplified

Small Irksome Things
Just as a minor pleasantness may brighten up your day, other annoyances provoke a sense of picquant dyspepsia at the world and your place in it.  Conrad seems to be forever cursed with earphone problems: Jenny the cat will chew them apart if given ten seconds alone with them; one set fell apart; another shed the moulded plastic earpiece; and the latest pair also only muster one earpiece rather than two, viz:

Bare metal makes it more an earpiercer.

     If Conrad is sat, scowling at his book and making occasional notes, on the bus then this isn't really a problem.  When he starts to walk the lack of moulding means the earpiece gets jogged out of the ear, requiring a steadying finger.
     It won't ever appear on a list of criminal charges at the ICC*, but it is undeniably irksome!

"The Maze-Runner"
By coincidence, Conrad saw a review of this film in "Empire", and he glossed over the brief description.  Yes, it was inspired by the success of "The Hunger Games", and yes, it is aimed at young adults, and yes, it is about young adults trying to get out of a maze.
     Wonder Wifey always insisted that a version of "The Crystal Maze" for kids would be a sure-fire winner.  Someone is gambling $34 million on this still being correct.
     Richard O'Brien, where are you?

Richard on the set of The Crystal Maze.  No, hang on -

Finally!
No, not the kind of "Finally!" where Conrad exploits small cute animals to increase blog traffic.  No, the name "Griswald"popped up into his mind earlier today whilst driving.
     "Tell us, Conrad!" I hear you beseeching.  "Who or what is Griswald?"
     Well, mes enfants, regard that classic television cartoon series "Top Cat".  You remember Officer Dibble**?  He was occasionally accompanied by a police dog called - Griswald.
     The in-joke about Griswald was that he was utterly useless.  Savage and inclined to bite first, bite last and bite at everything in between, he usually ended up firmly attached to Officer Dibble's arse, much to the annoyance (and, one guesses, the considerable pain) of Officer Dibble.
     However, can Conrad find such an image of the iconic duo?  No, he can not.  The best I can do is this:

Put the dog down, Officer!

     This is Dibble's sergeant having his buttocks badly bitten, or you can pretend it's years in the future and Sergeant Dibble's hair has gone white***.

Koincidence
Yes, I do intend to spell it that way.  Wait and you'll see how - OW^!  Okay, okay.  Conrad butted into a conversation at work that Katie and Rebecca were having, about scary clowns, and how scary Pennywise the Clown is in "Stephen King's "IT".  You have to admit they have a point there.  Reference also the clown doll in "Poltergeist", which always makes people's skin creep.  Yes, scary clowns, but for downright terrifying clowns you have to go to "Killer Klowns From Outer Space".  Yes it is a real film, and Conrad knows because he's seen it, and he told Katie so.  

Altogether now:"It's behind you!"

Oh, you might also care to add the zombie clown in a montage sequence in "Day of the Dead", I think.
     Where does the coincidence come from?  Why that very same edition of Empire, which advertises "Werewolf Rising" and a slasher about cheerleaders, and below that is an advert for Killer Klowns.  
     Scared yet?  You should be!

Proof that Conrad is neither hallucinating nor exaggerrating 

Hmmm.  A Worrying Development
As you may be aware, gentle reader, "Conrad" is a nom de plume I use for the blog - actually what is French for "keyboard" because I type, I don't write this stuff - 

<hang on, back shortly>

 - aha!  The French word is "clavier", so it would be nom de clavier but Conrad suspects this may be referring to a keyboard instrument as he did wonder if that would come up, being familiar already bekuz he so kulturd with "The Well-Tempered Clavier", which definitely does refer to a keyboard instrument, and "temper" in this sense - maybe tomorrow for that,we're drifting a little off-course.
     So.  Conrad is not the name I use in the real world, nor does anyone else, even though it is my real first name - we'll gloss over that, it gets complicated.  The only place it is used is in BOOJUM!
     Imagine my surprise about a dream that featured me easily solving a big 3D wall-mounted logic puzzle.  "Well done Conrad!" chorused the onlookers.
     Say what?  Excuse me!  Time, one feels, for a word with Oscar^^.

A visual representation of Conrad's subconscious.
(On a good day)

Finally Finally
One of Edna's favourite things to do with her humans is to play tug-of-war with an object, usually a soft toy originally intended for a small child.  This is quite easy to do, as one can tug with one hand and read a book with the other, as long as the duration does not exceed ten minutes.
     This, as any dog owner will tell you, is because by then the object is disgustingly soggy with dog slobber.  So, a custom-made tugging-bone that doesn't soak up saliva is a welcome innovation.  Here it is in action:

Edna.  Dignified as always

* The International Criminal Court in the Hague.  Do keep up!
**  Top Cat has been taken to heart so much by the youth of today that "Dibble" is slang for "policeman", in certain parts of darkest Salford
***  Like a certain blog author ...
^ <Mister Hand puts down the boast-busting bamboo skewer> - and the blog moves along
^^ My subconsicious.  Peculiar, and a little (ahem) Wild.