All The B's

BOOJUM! - Banging Out A Baked Batch Of All-Butter Brandy & Banana Bread Muffins
Yes indeed.  Why tonight and not tomorrow, I hear you asking, "especially since you got home late, Conrad"?
     Well, because I am due to venture out in Warrington with Colin, and perhaps Julie, depending on how high her tolerance level is for MEN TALKING ABOUT TANKS! on Friday, which means doing the weekly shop tomorrow night, and there may be a Pub Quiz in issue, too.
     So - a quick baking recipe is needed tonight  and the muffins are the answer, especially with a good slosh of brandy in them.

I also made Strawberry Couis to go with them.

Bus Poster Blues
Almost - kind of  a taupe shading into purple.  Conrad has noticed the colour scheme for posters on buses really does depend on the genre they are promoting.  Take "The Guest" for example:

The Guest solved their noisy neighbour problem.

Not a very cheery look, is it?  Nor is it an especially cheery film, by all accounts, "The Guest" being a bit of a misnomer.  "Why Not Invite A Psychopathic Killer Into Your Home!" is a lot more accurate but it would take up rather too much space on adverts, I suppose.

A Walk Among The Tombstones
Yes, this one sounds like a right rib-tickler, doesn't it? if you tickle ribs with a brush made of porcupine spines dipped in tigerfish venom.

Well, as a hobby it beats bus-spotting, I suppose

Monochromatic bar the little bits of red, which are altogether redolent of blood.  And Liam Neeson is not smiling.  Clearly someone is about to have an extremely bad day, betokened by that gun he's carrying.  Conrad ventures to guess this is neither a chick-flick nor a rom-com.

"God Knows You - It's Jesus.com"
This is extremely worrying.  Conrad has a head full of stuff that really, really shouldn't ever meet the light of day* and if God knows all about it then there is trouble afoot.  Now, this bus poster is in bright yellow and black, the colours of DANGER! without any obvious indication of who put it there.  There may be follow-up posters.  Conrad is apprehensive.

What Conrad fears ...

"Greytextploitation "
This particular poster went for a photograph to illustrate the rather clever pun about exploitation.  Factual and sober, you see, not going for any emotive picture or painting.
     No!  Not the aliens, greyhounds.

NO! The animal - oh I give up -

I-Phone 6
There seems to be a lot of noise about this particular gadget at the moment.  Of course, Conrad hates mobile phones with a passion.  He uses his to take photographs, prop up a table leg that's rather wobbly and occasionally knock nails in if the hammer's not about.
     What kind is it?  No idea.  Service provider?  Haven't a clue.  
     Which leads on to 5 unfortunate things about mobile phones.

Now, these are proper MAN PHONES!

5 Bad Things About Mobile Phones
1)  They come with so many frills and fripperies and texts and calls that you spend all your day trying to work out how the International Geophysical Year app gives a virtual haircut in Middle German, whilst desperately texting to use up the 150 free daily texts and the 300 minutes of talk-time.
2)  They are obsolete the instant they come off the drawing board so you have to keep on buying them, as Skynet cunningly infiltrates human society, playing the long game.
3)  You have to speak to people you don't like about things that don't matter at times you don't want (simply to use up all those texts and time)
4)  Nobody talks to each other, it's all tap-tap-tap when people get together now, to the extent that people text their mate sitting next to them on the bus rather than speak.
5)  The mobile phone is a sonic spectre at the feast.  Just as the pallbearers are about to shoulder the coffin, a mobile phone it guaranteed to ring.  Moreover, if today's materialistic society adopts "The King is buried with all his goods**", Conrad wouldn't be at all surprised to hear the noise coming from inside the coffin.

Art imitating life

More Metro-Malletting
Ah, that reliable target "The Metro", once again squarely in Conrad's sights!  Now, BOOJUM! does not simply bash, mash and balderdash this reptilian rag***; no, we also trash, lash and crash it <Mister Hand intervenes to say can we move on, it's nearly ten o'clock and the brass hands still haven't been polished.  Also there is a cat sneaking down the chimney on a fishing-line>.
     So!  Today Conrad can actually approve of an article!  An interview with Stellan Skarsgard, Swedish actor.  Swedish character actor, you'd know him from "The Avengers" and "Good Will Hunting".

Swedes; they lack the gene to be able to tie ties

     Then we move onto "Guilty Pleasures" and today Conrad is delighted - obviously! - to see the two journalists responsible named.  One is Seamus Duff.
     How apt.  A rag wrapped around a pudding^.

The Mansion's Dishwasher In Action
This particular model does not need electricity, plumbing, tablets or salt to operate, comes in a compact and mobile form and also acts as a sentry system:

It does tend to whine in the presence of food, though

* The "Booby-Trapped Geyser Bog" invention, for example. Please, don't ask!
**  Just the goods, not the faithful retainers.  They'd take up too much space.
***  From Lord Kitchener's merry greeting to a bunch of  journalists making the streets look untidy: "Out of my way you drunken reptiles!"  A dab hand with an insult, old K of K.
^ It took me all day to come up with this, you'd better like it.