How Late I Orate

Well, Not "Orate" Exactly
     After all, I am typing.
     Why so late? I hear you enquire, gentle reader.  Conrad could go on about treachery, and base treachery at that, of backstabbing and double-dealing and raw, rank wrongdoing and enmities forged for a lifetime -
 - but that would be complete fiction. Actually I worked late, and the instant my large, mis-shapen feet crossed the threshold, they were retracted in haste as we sped instead to the local Toby Carvery.  Conrad there polished off a very large plate of food at speed, downed a lemonade (it was hellish hot in there) and scoffed a dish of profiteroles*.  Then it was back home, and since it was too late to bake the Sultana Cake** he'd planned, why Conrad measured out all the ingredients and put the sultanas in to soak, and double-lined a cake tin, which takes ages.

That's the butter, already measured out, sitting in the lined tin.  Efficient Conrad, eh?

      So here we are.

Giving Elbow The Elbow
     I wish I could!  I made a point of listening to "Build A Rocket, Boys", most especially the track "Open Arms", which is up there with their anthemic best.
     The trouble is, Conrad cannot get the fershluggineh*** tune out of his head!  It keeps coming back and making mental circles in my mind, until I crossly chase it away, only for it to creep back five minutes later.  Now I shall have to play an equally intrusive track to displace it.

They are called "Elle" and "Beau".  Get it?  It sound like - oh you do get it.

     What shall it be?

Sinister Children's Shows
     You know the ones - animated but not cartoons, all the more frightening if done in black and white, and surely given the green light by a troll wearing a human skin as a suit under a real suit, in a suite of offices^.
     Talking of trolls, Alison (vocalist with From The Kites Of San Quentin, see!  Conrad rubs shoulders with the famous if not the rich) - and I cannot recall exactly how we got upon the topic - mentioned that the animated "Moomins" was quite creepy, with a host of odd little characters lurking in the background being busy.

The originals.  Not at all creepy or threatening, are they?

Hmm.  Well, it's not in black and white, so it's not that sinister.  Still, the seeds of nightmare are there ...

I say!  That's a bit strong!

Of course, we here in the UK can beat this, no problem.  Let Conrad introduce you to "Noseybonk", a name that can only infer the tiniest portion of seething terror  that is the actual character - men, ladies, children and anyone with a pulse is advised to look through their fingers from behind a cushion:

Who -WHO! - approved this for children?  The NSPCA want to know!

I can also offer a dramatically-lit version of Noseybonk - you might want to close one eye and clutch onto one another's hands for this one:

Stephen King would love you, mate

Of course, one of the creepiest puppets that ever put the living fear of God into the hearts of any child (and most adults, too) that watched it, is of course -

He's behind you - oh you already found that out.

     The clown doll from "Poltergeist"^^.

     Now, there is actually a puppet series that is creepier than that, but Conrad cannot recall the name.  It was posted on the forums over at The Agony Booth year ago:  it was Norwegian, from the Sixties, and in black and white - already an excellent pedigree for petrification.  The lead character was a kind of caretaker, with soulless, dead black expressionless eyes, the eyes of a killer, eyes being windows into a bottom pit, eye -  oops, sorry, got a bit carried away there.  This being Norwegian, it probably was given the go-ahead by a troll - they live among us, you know, wearing human skins to blend in, but you can identify them by their rigid little finger.

Conrad's Mind-Numbing Idea Of Fun
     I did mention that I was going to thoroughly peruse Naval & Military's latest catalogue, which is principally devoted to unit histories - battalions, regiments, brigades and divisions.  Conrad could easily - oh so easily! - have spent several hundred pounds but the knowledge that Wonder Wifey would surely notice hundreds of books arriving dissuaded him.

"Let's see - got that one - got that one too - oooh, that looks interesting - draw a line around it"
Repeat for an hour

Moral Support Provided By Cat
     This is Jenny on the furniture.  She lies there, purrs occasionally and stretches when she can be bothered.  SInce she is in plain sight Conrad doesn't bother too much; Beej would be a different story, as he hides away where you can't find him.  You can hear him snoring, it's just not possible to track the rascal down.

"Foolish Humn!  I can haz cheezburgr?"

*  And then he DID SOMETHING REALLY NAUGHTY! 
**  With some bits added.  You'll have to wait to find out what they are.
***  Conrad thinks this is something rude in Yiddish, but is open to correction
^  Mister Hand points out this is enough about suits.
^^ I know, you're not going to get to sleep tonight, are you? <snigger>