Bluster-fest Missed

Yes Indeed A Bit Of Trumpeting Went Astray
     Conrad, shallow and egotistical as Justin Beiber crossed with a desert stream*, managed to miss mention of the blogs 400th post a couple of days ago.
     There will be people out there reading this with a sense of quiet despair, thinking and hoping that, at some point, surely  - surely! - the salacious drivel that comprises 95% of BOOJUM! would peter out and the blogosphere return to it's reassuring grey dull normalcy.
     Bad news, gentlemen**, Conrad can keep this up indefinitely.  Heh.
     By the way - "Trumpeting Went Astray" - that minds me - "The Stray Trumpets" sounds like a good name for an indie band with a horn section.

Stray Cats.  Close enough

Hannibal Brooks
     I am sure most of you have never seen this film, which means most of you are missing a minor cinematic treat.  It stars Oliver Reed and an elephant.
     Yes, a real elephant.  And Ollie really does work with it up close and personal.  The elephant, real name Aida, was a lovely old lady who wouldn't hurt a fly - but of course Conrad can say that in hindsight and Ollie daily risked having a couple of metric tons treading on his tootsies.
     It is also set in wartime Germany, with enough bang-bang shooty-shooty to satisfy the small boy in male viewers, and Ollie's character is an entirely un-heroic soldier with nil interest in soldiering or being brave - unless anyone threatens his elephant.  In which case look out.
     You can also see John Alderton as a louche prisoner of war, and Michael J. Pollard as a borderline-psychotic American PoW determined to wreak as much havoc as he can.  Which is not very much compared to Hannibal and his elephant.
     Did I mention elephants?

Hannibal Lecter.  Close enough

Gerund
     No! this is not how Glaswegians pronounce "ground".
     Aberdonians, perhaps, but not Glaswegians.
     Anyway, "Gerund" is a grammatical term, a verb that can act as a noun, and which always ends in "ing"
     Conrad, sheepishly, confesses that he resorted to Wiki to produce examples of gerunds and found the following:  "I like searing people" "I like scaring people"  "I like scarring people" "I like eating

apples"

Conrad.  Ferocious In Appearance
     Either that, or his non-verbal language shrieks "NUTTER!  NUTTER ON THE BUS! DO NOT SIT NEXT TO THIS MAN!  IF HE'S EVEN A MAN SINCE HE SEEMS TO MANIFEST SYMPTOMS OF ALIEN SPY IN DISGUISE ..."

Obviously he's only just pulled that ugly human mask on ...

     It's a sad fact that most passengers on the 24 avoid sitting next to Conrad, and presumably this same evil aura extends to his workmates, for lo!  only yesterday did Sophie request a cake of either chocolate or coffee for Friday 18th.
     It really is that simple.  If a colleague at work requests, Conrad will accommodate.  Even the frighteningly direct and brusque Mo "Killer" K got what she asked for - Coconut Pyramids.
     I dunno.  Maybe my bag smells.

That's Quite Enough Of That!
     The "that" in question being the Metro.
     No!  Not the underground railway system in Paris - which features some very nice art deco metalwork - nor the Moscow underground railway system - which features as a ready-made nuclear war refuge - but the free paper given away on GM buses.
     Conrad can see why it's free.  In fact from now on GMPT will have to pay him to read it.  It seems like a filleted version of the Manchester Evening News, pumped up with inconsequential drivel about indistinguishable single-name "celebrities" and corseted with paparazzi photographs.
     This - THIS! - is why BOOJUM! maintains a lofty separation from current affairs, gentle reader.

The Metro.  Close enough

Finally
     Conrad is now making Edna not only sing for her supper, but sing for the blog:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152112618816396


* It is always  open season on Bieber, so this doesn't count as Current Affairs
**  Ladies, too, if any be reading