A Popular History Of ROBOT WARFARE!

Actually I Was Lying

Tee hee!  Aren't I a swine?  Although a popular history of robot warfare does sound pretty cool, but since I've only just thought of the topic, I don't have a long screed to post.  Art!

     This bitchin' beastly bad boy, if you'll forget the argot, is the 'Unitron', a massive autonomous armoured fighting vehicle designed for tackling large numbers of robot opponents.  Not only does it possess a whacking big gun, it also mounts two flamethrowers as well, presumably for dealing with soft-skinned stuff.  It looks terrifying in action.  Art!

     My new footwear!  They arrived just in time for me to test-walk them into Lesser Sodom yesteryon, and they fared fine.  Snug, so they won't fall off, yet not so tight as to be uncomfortable.

     That said, thoughts turned to a recounting of shoes (or other footwear) in popular media.  Can I recall enough to complete an Intro?  Let's find out!  Art?

     Yes, it's everybody's favourite proto-fascist lawdog of the future, Judge Dredd.  Go away and study Aristotlean political philosophy if you quibble with my description.

     ANYWAY Judge Morph, whom you see here, is an elder Judge who was a mentor to Dredd when he was but a cadet, and whose opinions Dredd respects.  You can't say that of many people in his sphere.

     Well, as you can see from the extract above, Joe is having trouble coming to terms with an execution he carried out in the course of duty.  What is Morph's suggestion for dealing with nascent emotions?  Art!

     Wear boots one size too small.  

     Morph had tried this solution himself and found that the constant pain and suffering of his tootsies meant no time left to reflect on moral quandries.  Hey, if it's stupid but it works then it's not stupid.  Art!

     One of the finest comics being published.  I put this picture up because there is a text story called "Jimmy Turtle And The Legendary Boxcar Of Well-Made Ladies' Shoes" within it's covers.  That's all I can tell you because as a text story I didn't prioritise it and thus <blushes> haven't read it.  

     Okay, that's 350 words.  What next?  Aha!  Art?

South Canadian Navy SEALs.  Do you chaps have enough gun there?

     Several decades ago, Conrad had a cheap paperback, a biography of a Navy SEAL in Vietnam.  He avoided being drafted by volunteering for the SEALs, because their training took a year to complete and he thought the war might have ended by then.  O foolish hope!  I cannot recall the author or title.  What I do remember is an 'extract' from the text before the title page, where the first-person narrator had been injured and was flat on his back, next to another injured fighter.  This other person went into spasm, kicking the narrator, at which point he realised he was lying alongside a Viet Cong, because he felt the impact of the rubber-tyre sandals matey was wearing.  Art!

     The thing is, this 'extract' never appeared in the book.  The author was never injured.  So - where did it come from?  

     We may never know.  O, it comes from "SEa, Air, Land".

     Lastly, I remember a music journalist, possibly in the "NME" back when it was a respected musical paper not an ad-filled waste of woodpulp, gloasting about his newly-bought 'Bass Weejuns', which was such an odd name it's stuck with me.  They are a brand of shoe, from a company founded in 1875, which seems to still be going.  Art!

Bass Weejun Penny Loafers

     They seem to make very expensive shoes that don't skimp anywhere on quality, and cost about 10x my humble plastic sandals.  Makes sense; as someone once remarked to me, get the best bed and shoes you can afford, because if your not in the first you'll be in the second.

     Right, that's 630 words and as much as I care to care about shoes.

Expect More Of This

We are now mere days away from the 80th anniversary of Operation Overlord, the D-Day landings in Occupied France, so inevitably there is coverage on news websites, including the BBC, so I'm going to nick one of the photographs they put up, because I'm sneaky like that.  Art!

     What don't you see?  Dispersion or fear of aerial attack.  The invasion operated under a truly enormous air umbrella that ensured the Luftwaffe got nowhere near the invasion beaches.  I shall point out a few other items.  Art!

     The ubiquitous M3 half-track, used for everything.  Here it's being used as a 'prime mover' for - Art!

     The South Canadian version of the 6 pounder anti-tank gun, which lacked a muzzle brake and had a longer barrel.  Art!

     One of the unsung heroes of the invasion, a DUKW.  This was an amphibious two-ton truck that could 'swim' out to sea, load cargo, return to shore, drive inland and repeat the process.  It saved South Canadian logistics when their Mulberry floating harbour was destroyed by a storm.

The Flabby Farting Fraudster FELON

Come on, I waited two days to mention this!  Yes, you may have heard Donald Judas Trump's shrieks of rage from the other side of the Atlantic, now that he's been found guilty on all 34 counts.  Tee hee!  Art?

     That's Tod Blanche, his attorney, who will likely get stiffed in terms of payment because he didn't get Pumpkinhead off scot-free.  Pimpkinhead, who is constitutionally incapable of keeping his flapping pie-hole shut, went outside the court to rant and tant.  Literally in front of the judge who will be sentencing him on July 11th.  Way to go, fathead, and how about all that speculation about a hung jury?  Bring on more buckets of popcorn.

     

"City In The Sky"

Poor old Orskan, being made the scapegoat for everyone else's failures.

     ‘I have almost thirty workers fewer than I should have,’ replied Orskan.  ‘And I’m being called on to manage three different major tasks simultaneously.’

     ‘Are you saying you cannot manage?’ asked Harkan 23, slyly.

     ‘NO,’ snapped their victim, spotting the trap.  ‘That flying eye wasn’t faulty, either.  The humans blew it up.  They’ve been getting far too dangerous lately - ’

     Arkan had briefed his fellow heads about Orskan’s pet fear so they cut in quickly.

     ‘With what!’ snorted Harkan 23.  ‘Javelins?  They were using balloons to distract us last time!’

     ‘Before you add an attempt to default on our Contract, I will pronounce judgement,’ intoned Arkan, going for dignified but hitting pompous (at least in Orskan’s biased opinion).

     ‘You are found guilty of Treasonous Misconduct, Malicious Negligence and Attempted Sedition, for which the sentence is death.  However, in light of your technical skills and prior good record, this sentence is commuted to permanent loss of caste.  Your collars will be stripped from you and generic ones substituted.  You will be detained until the sentence has been carried out.’

     Orskan’s scales changed colour again as he seethed at his judgement.

     A lizard version of a kangaroo court?

More Starring Starships

From the "Interstellar Research Group" pages, have a gander at this beauty.  Art!

From the film "Passengers"

     This is the interstellar starship 'Avalon'.  It's powered by a fusion reactor and has a journey time of 120 years, so the 258 crew and 5,000 passengers are in hibernation for the duration.  Art!

     The artist put a lot of thought into that design, I'll have to find out who they are.  Art!

     Since the film only has 4 characters in it, one supposes that they needed the starship to look good as it's the 5th character.

Finally -

Your Humble Scribe finally got to enjoy his smoked salmon on cream-cheese bagels, every bite of which was sombrely observed by Mrs. Entitlement herself.  Edna.  No, Edders, you don't get any more of my food.  I had eaten half a sandwich and didn't enjoy it, far too dry, so I left the other half in it's wrapper on my mobile desk.  I nipped out to the bathroom and when I returned Edna slunk away, having dragged wrapper from the desk and being in the process of eating the chicken and bacon filling.  Yes, I threw it in the bin.  And yes, the bin has a flip-lid that prevents anyone intruding.  Looking at you, Edders.