Because Why Not?
Well, the first philosophical obstacle that comes to mind is that the word 'Robot' didn't exist in the English language until Karel Čapek came up with it in 1921. His robots were more along the lines of clones rather than Bender, which fact we will proceed to completely ignore. It does give us an excuse to use a picture from "Futurama". Art!
Role model par excellence
Okay, first things first. Let's have a definition from my trusty "Collins Concise Dictionary". "Robot: any automated machine programmed to perform specific mechanical functions in the manner of a human."
Well, looking at my notes, I have defined Robot Warfare as being either One Sided, where only one opponent has the technology, and Two Sided, where both have technology, which might be different iterations of the same thing, or completely different. Art!
This is the Teuton's Vergeltungswaffe Ein, usually abbreviated to V1. I mention this because it might be news to you that there was a one sided robot weapon in use as early as 1944. It's definition of "Robot bomb" is directly beneath that of "Robot" in my CCD. George Blackburn, in his memoir of the Second Unpleasantness "The Guns Of War", directly describes how these Teuton 'robot bombs' came 'blatting' over London. There was a distinct put-put element to their engine's sonic profile. Conrad would call it more a robot bomber than a bomb, but then I am a pedantic hairsplitter. Art!
Another one sided item, this is the Teuton's 'Goliath' robot mine. No, they were not crewed by hobbit children. They were controlled by a command wire that unspooled behind them, which would direct them to target, in theory. In practice they were highly vulnerable to small arms fire or the command wire being cut, as with that trio above. Art!
Perhaps this is cheating, but another one sided effort. Say hello to "The Steel Commando". A British invention, the catch here was that it only obeyed an army cook rather than any of the supposedly responsible officers or NCOs. The Teutons were of the variety that exclaimed "Donner und blitzen!" a lot. Art!
From the BBC's premier dramamentary, "Doctor Who", this is the Robot from - you may be ahead of me here - "Robot". As a one sided artefact, it was dangerous in terms of being bulletproof and with grabbers that could easily crush the life out of any Hom. Sap. it encountered. Except for Sarah Jane Smith. It seemed to have a bit of a crush on her, in fact. Also immortalised for disintegrating a UNIT tank, which was represented by an "Action Man" toy! Art?
Well, it was only on-screen for seconds, I doubt the BBC would spring for the costs of hiring a real Scorpion. Art!
'Wheelbarrow'
This is a robotic engineering vehicle, as invented for use by the British Army in Northern Ireland. Again, one sided. Rather than have a soft, squishy and less expendable Explosive Ordnance Technician go and investigate a potential car bomb, the army would wheel - or track - out one of these fellas. It had cameras to see with, extensors to prod with, and a shotgun to shatter things apart. The original came off the production line in 1972. Art!
Of course, drones. Currently two sided in Ukraine, with the Ukes deploying these things in the thousands, in the air most obviously, yet also on land and certainly at sea. The Ruffians also have drones, though considerably fewer. These things have impacted modern warfare dramatically, because a small drone costing £500 and armed with an RPG warhead can destroy a Ruffian tank costing £1,000,000. They can operate with relative impunity where a manned aircraft would be shot down, and the longer-ranged Ukrainian ones have a range of 1,100 miles. Art!
This is an anti-drone gun, and soon all armies will have to incorporate these into their military formations. There's a couple of instances of Ukrainian drones surprising Ruffian ones and battering them out of the sky. That's all I'll say on drones or the whole Intro would be taken up with them. Art!
Aaaaaaand yes, we have the 'Unitron' again, running alongside an SPV to give you an idea of scale.
I actually have more to say on this topic - but I'll be merciful and end here, because nobody wants a blog 2,700 words long.
I Just Want To Point This Out
As part of our didactic purpose, Conrad doesn't want you to labour under a misapprehension. Art!
What's wrong with this picture? First of all, the film is entirely black and white. Secondly, there aren't any 'Creatures' in it as SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER the Bad Guys are revealed to be robots wearing spacesuits. But they are murderous robots that can re-animate the dead. And, during the end credits, you can clearly see traffic moving in the background in a supposedly de-populated world.
Despite it clearly being made on a budget of £30.45 it's an entertaining romp if you don't think too hard about it.
More Of Mystery MacGuffins
I'm making those sidebars work for me today. Yes, this item comes from "The Daily Beast", who need to get that sweet, sweet advertising revenue, even if I and other readers gaze at the miscellaneous tat being offered with puzzlement. Art!
What on earth are these? Why, moreover, are they multi-coloured? With nothing to scale by, how large are they? Do I need to clear out a whole cupboard to accommodate them? Do they meld seamlessly with my collection of Scunge Bobblers or not?
"City In The Sky"
The Doctor and the Lithoi are going to meet, face-to-face, and one party isn't going to come out of it well.
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN: Siren
The Doctor rarely carried arms; it went against his better nature. For all that, he had passed muster in the discipline of ballistae, slingshots, bows, arquebus’, muskets, rifles, phased plasma weapons, particle beam cannons and Demat guns. The weapon he carried now was entirely novel, not to mention peculiar. Still, it was essential for his purpose, which was distraction. Sabotage, too, if he managed to find a secluded corner of the Lithoi baseship for more than thirty seconds.
Having
scouted out the location with the dingo leader, he knew precisely where to
rematerialise, and deliberately chose the baseship’s lower but not lowest
levels. Buried deepest in the earth
would be the lowest caste worker stations, and above those would be the
lesser-utilised sections for storage.
Got to keep the hoi polloi at a distance from their betters, he mused,
acidly.
His
accurate guesstimate of function and occupation proved correct: the TARDIS
materialised in a gloomy, underlit corridor deserted in both directions. Solid walls of unbroken grey enamel marched
for a hundred metres either way, escorting a grey enamel floor and grey enamel
ceiling. Only the subdued lighting
varied the scene’s inherent greyness.
Not sure why this chapter title is 'Siren'. Perhaps there will be one?
Okay, Okay, So I Looked Them Up
I can't be horrid all the time, you'd resent me so. Art!
Thus we learn they are bits for screwdrivers. We are all better informed than we were five minutes ago.
No, having an Intro filled with martial matters means no "The War Illustrated" in this blog. Sorry if you were anticipating. I might do another item based on that BBC webpage about D-Day, if that may interest you. And even if it may not.
Ruritania Is Making Noises Again
Actually "Pooritania" is closer to the truth, as we are referring to the Norks here, and you can tell by my mocking tone that this is that starving bottomhole North Korea, not Norway. Art!
This is a Nork balloon, with a payload of rubbish, that has been floated across the border into Sorkland. One of over 200 they sent. Why? Because the Sorks haven't stopped their citizens from sending balloons over the border into Norkland, carrying propaganda - that is, probably Sork television dramas. Clearly The Only Fat Man In North Korea is rattled, because to say this is a bottomhole move is to insult bottomholes. What a loser.
I like that description 'Pooritania' and we'll be keeping it for future use.
Finally -
I only managed two slices of my Hero Sandwich, so it's time to try and cope with another slice, whilst possibly cooking up those marinated pork ribs.
Veliau!
(Which is 'Later' in Lithuanian)
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