For Lo! We Are Back On "The War Illustrated"
Yes yes yes, I know I'm jumping the gun by five days. Once again, whose blog is it? Okay, Art, lay it on us*.
Cue obligatory joke about men in skirts. Try your joke in a Glasgow pub and see how long it takes to end up in hospital.
ANYWAY these are soldiers of the 51st Highland Division, a formation that had won renown in the First Unpleasantness by dint of being 1) Extremely aggressive and 2) Full of bagpipes. Don't knock the pipes; nothing brings the red mist down more in a Celt than "Hielan' Laddie" and nothing bewilders the opposition more than a piper in a kilt playing pibroch**. Their divisional insignia was - Art!
Initially they were known as 'Harper's Duds' since they weren't supposed to be very good. Later in the First Unpleasantness when this myth had been dispelled, they were known as the 'Highland Decorators' for their proclivity of scribbling the divisional insignia on everything Teuton they captured, even if another division had captured it and neglected to stake their claim.
In the Second Unpleasantness almost the entire division went into the bag at St. Valery, as they had retreated south alongside the French army and could not be evacuated. This was a very bad move by the Teutons, as it meant the re-constituted 51st Division had a grudge to bear. Highlanders have long memories and to this day you risk a visit to Accident and Emergency if you laugh at the Highland Clearances, which finished in 1860. For an event that happened only a few years in the past ...
Highlanders advancing stealthily
Right, that's enough of conflict. Bring on the dancing horses ridden by chainsaw-juggling ballerinas!
<several trips to hospital later>
Quatermass And Roney And The Pit
Your Humble Scribe finally finished watching "Quatermass And The Pit" last night, with all the lights on, because of course - obviously! - I am a massive coward, and it's one of the creepiest television serials ever broadcast. I was very impressed with the character of Professor Matthew Roney, as played by Cec Linder, who has probably as much screen time as Quatermass himself. Art!
Bernie and Matt
Even Nigel Kneale liked him, and Ol' Nige - the scriptwriter, you understand - was a very picky chap when it came to actors. In fact he mourned that he'd killed Roney off, as he was such a good character.
SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER
It is Roney's sacrificial bravery that defeats the Martian menace at the very end, when Quatermass falls by the wayside, you know. Conrad had a look at Cec's career and he was around for ages. Art!
That's just his film work, because, as you already know, he worked extensively in television. Canadian, you see (although born in Poland); everybody likes the Canuckistanians. Art!
He was in "Goldfinger" you know
<Conrad currently listening to "The Black Bear" as played by massed pipes and drums and pretty glorious it is too>
Where were we? O yes -
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
As I like to say, in our own inimitable style, although it's a moot point as to which film reviewer would ever want to mimic our style, especially as it could lead to lawsuits for libel and slander. Remember our Rules For Review: 1) Be as literal as possible about a title and 2) Do no research at all, also 3) Rules 1 & 2 may be ignored if we feel like it, as we are mercurial that way.
"RED NOTICE": Conrad has noticed that the South Canadians have two major political parties SIT BACK DOWN! namely the Republicans and the Democrats, whose mascots are a mastodon and a mule respectively. They also have a chosen colour, red for Republicans and blue for Democrats. Art!
Here an aside. South Canada is both a republic and a democracy. Perhaps some more up-to-date titles are needed***?
So. a film about Republicans. You've already lost half your potential audience, mate. O! Unless -
"DALGLEISH": O my. Conrad, as you know, is quite the vintage item and used to listen to Sir John Peel back in the Seventies, which is before he got knighted, and Ol' John made no secret of being a Liverpool ballfoot fan. One player he used to go on about was Kenny Dalgleish, who was <insert long appreciative ballfoot compliment here as I've no inclination to bother>.
Art!
Obviously just about to don his playing kit
Hmmmm. Conrad remembers a cruel jest about Sir Ken. He was in a bar when they declared it was 'Happy Hour' - so he left. Conrad feels this means he had a dour and droll demeanour, and the photograph above certainly proves the point.
"Ken celebrated The Undertones reaching Number One in the Festive 50"
"DOPESICK": Well, everyone on the poster looked O-So-Serious, so this must be an earnest drama about How Drugs Are Bad, unless it's about stupid people being queasily unpleasant and hence ought to be hyphenated "Dopes-Ick" and hence is probably written and directed by David Cronenberg, hence my use of 'hence' too many times. Art!
Jeff Goldblum defies wicked skin condition
Probably best not to watch before eating. Or after eating. Or at all, really.
Finally -
Yes! Right! I know I haven't posted any Codeword whinings justified complaints today, nor any of Ol' Roel's rants against films that claim to represent ancient or medieval warfare, nor even yet another set of photographs from IWM North, even if I meant to. The issue is, you see, that I only have so much time to add in content, meaning I'm not going to sit here until 23:37 to create a monster post 4,359 words long that takes fifteen minutes to read - unless - unless you'd like me to add in my 5,000 word monograph on "Forbidden Planet" and it's influence on - no? Not in a hundred million years?
O well, Chesley Bonestell.
* Daddio.
** It probably scares the English, too, except they're too polite to protest.
*** "The Wizard Lizard Gizzards" and "Ice Cream Bandits" spring to mind
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