Roel's Goals

Are To Inform, Educate And Entertain

No, hang on a minute, that's Public Service Broadcasting's first album, isn't it?  They have a new one out soon if not now <Googles> "Bright Magic" and look to be touring next year.  Conrad went to their "Every Valley" gig in The City Under The Sea a few years back, which was at The Academy, meaning a long bus ride south from city centre, and I missed their encore.  We'll have to see where their gigs are this time round - job for lunchtime checking today!  Art!

     ANYWAY after that speciously ingenuous tangent (a sequence of words you never expected to hear today) let us return to Roel.  If you recall, AND YOU SHOULD, he's reviewing a series of films and television programs that claim to represent warfare as it was in the ancient and medieval worlds.  Top stuff, because he's as amusing as he is wise.  Which is to say a lot.

     Okay, cunning rapscallion that I am, here are a set of images I uploaded late last night, shortly before attempting to tackle the 3D Empire State Building assembly, of which the least said the better.  Here we have two bands of warriors about to get it on, and they happen to be marching over a frozen lake or river.  Art!

     This is a little unclear, so allow Conrad to explicate; here we see the band of shuffling warriors above, from beneath the ice, where those dark patches are their shoes, and you'll have to imagine the sound of ice creaking and crackling.

     Roel then confirms that there have genuinely been battles on the ice, such as the famous Battle On The Ice (1242) where he had the good grace to laugh after making the statement.  Sensibly and logically he points out that in the cold places of the world, any battle fought in winter will have copious amounts of ice to deal with, and an icy river or lake offers a nice flat surface to fight on.

     Here Arthur's archers pick off their opponents on the flanks, forcing them to bunch together, a tactic Roel thoroughly approved of, since having them contort into a shorter line means they lose some of their numerical superiority.

     Conrad has not seen the film but I can understand foreshadowing; the bunching together under Arthur's wily direction is not critical in terms of numbers but it is critical in terms of mass; I bet they go right through the ice and drown.  Art!

Hmmmm, outnumbered hey?

     I cheated with that last one and got it from teh Interwebz.  Sue me if you like, it's not as if you have to pay to read this stuff*.

What, Mayhap, Is A Vibraslap?

Conrad, as we all know, ends up in some odd places on the internet as he follows a positive warren of rabbit holes from an entirely different start place to the lower depths.  Thus it was last night that I was educated about a percussion instrument called a "Vibraslap", because it gets used by Wrigglesworth of PSB.  Art!

Et voila

     It makes a variety of high-pitched rattle when struck.  Hearing a demonstration of what it sounds like, Conrad is pretty certain that there's one used during the full-length version of "Don't Fear The Reaper".  I may listen to it tonight and inform you.  Otherwise it's an almost un-noticeable presence.  But at least we know more now than we did five minutes ago**.

BOOJUM! Reviews Films

And perhaps television as well.  We don't discriminate whom we abuse with our bilious invective; equal opportunities odiousness, that's us.

"SPENCER": Don't tell me, this is a prequel to "SPENSER CONFIDENTIAL", except the poster art features a female, and they've amended the spelling.  Art!

     Don't tell me - this is a prequel about how Spencer got a sex-change and became Spenser after the evil patriarchy/Barney/Marmite factory owners framed her for a murder and <Cont. Page 94> because, honestly, that's how "Batwoman" brought back the character of Kate Kane.  

     Here an aside.  Normally I'd go off on a tangent with a mocking laugh at BW's miserable viewing figures, except it's the end of my lunch and - I still have to earn a crust to pay for all my books.  Maybe tomorrow.

"DEAR EVAN": Conrad is VERY SUSPICIOUS of this one, because the gigantic triumphant self-congratulatory banner is far, far more prominent than the actual film's title, which is hidden away in a corner.  In fact "DEAR EVAN" isn't even the full title, there's another, third, word, that is in such dark colouring that Your Humble Scribe's ailing eyes couldn't make it out.  What are they trying to hide?  Is this a tax dodge?  How much did Evan cost? because Conrad is a lot cheaper when it comes to doing film treatments***.

Expensive Evan!

"GHOSTBUSTERS AFTERLIFE":  Hmmm Conrad is aware of a rather sly throw-away line in this film stating that there hadn't been any kind of haunting " - for thirty years" which means they immediately filed that 2016 thing in the bin.  I have seen a trailer for it, which looked pretty good.  A 'pretty good' trailer, HOWEVER, is absolutely no indication of a 'pretty good' film as the studios can massage, edit, overdub, lie, cheat and steal to create a convincing trailer for a massive pile of cinematic ordure.  The Critical Drinker, who doesn't like anything, gave it a cautious thumbs-up.  Conrad likes the central conceit, that the original Ghostbusters are long past it and gone, so a new band inherit a lot of extremely dangerous cool kit, stored at the long-deceased Egon Spengler's remote mansion.  Art!

We rarely do a real film review, so cherish this one

     Your Humble Scribe may pop along to view and come back with a review.

     Or not.  I'm fickle that way.

Finally -

We've already hit the Compositional Ton, so this is just icing on the cake for you, neither of which I can enjoy any more THANK YOU SO MUCH DIABETES.  What to say?  Well I just checked IWM North and they're open 10:00 to 17:00.  If Your Humble Scribe did visit then - why, I wonder if they have a bookshop! <tweaks moustache ends a la Victorian vaudeville villain>.  Heh heh.

Likes to inform people it's in TRAFFORD not <shudder> grubby old Salford

     Well, I think that's enough words of wit, wisdom and wonder for one day.

     Chin chin chaps, watch for those vibraclaps!  And now, Vulnavia, our work here is done.

*  A Comment or two wouldn't go astray, mind.

**  CAUTION! This timescale reference may not apply in the immediate presence of black holes

*** A bargain at £75,000 a go